Loving Nicole (Savage Brothers MC #3)(58)

My stomach turns at the amount of pain coming from my woman. If I could go back I would…Is there a way to fix this?

“So that’s it, Nicole? You want to end it, end us? You don’t even want to try?”

Just the words hurt me. What do I do if she says she doesn’t? Can I let her walk away? Fuck. Can I give her up?

“Dragon,” she whispers so lightly, it’s almost silent. Her voice shaky and her body is straining to just breathe. Guilt and sadness come down on me. I broke her.

“Get in the car. I’ll take you home…I’ll take you back to your car.”

She doesn’t respond, her head goes down and just the picture of her standing like this, in the dark, is painful. When she makes no move to get back in the car I pick her up. She lies against me boneless.

“I’m sorry Mama, I’m so f*cking sorry,” I whisper under my breath. I haven’t cried since Nicole was shot. Tears make you weak. Right now, I could easily give in and join my woman. Except, she’s not my woman anymore.

We drive in silence back to her car. I call Bull and tell him not to worry about getting Nicole’s car. The air is thick with emotion.

“If it’s alright, I’d like to spend some time with Dom when he comes home. You can let me know when a good time is.”

“Dragon, you can see Dom anytime.”

“Whatever…Nicole.”

I pull back into the parking structure and follow the arrows like a robot, parking beside her car with a sense of dread.

“So, this is it?” She asks.

She sounds surprised and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. It pisses me off. I’ve done everything and jumped through hoops for this woman. So, I f*cked up. I know that. It hurt her, but Jesus Christ, what more can I do here?

I lay my head on the steering wheel and try to get control of my emotions. It doesn’t work.

“What the f*ck do you want from me, Nicole? Seriously? I’ve apologized, I’ve begged, f*ck, I’ve given you everything you want. I’ve fought to keep us together. You’re the one that has been telling me for months that you needed time away, you’re the one who moved out, and you’re the one shutting me out. What the f*ck do you expect from me here? Don’t you think you already have my dick chopped off enough, panting after your ass? What the f*ck more could I possibly give you?”

She just stares at me, her eyes large in disbelief.

“Fuck this shit. If this is what love does to you, it’s no f*cking wonder I never bothered.”

“You’re being an *,” she says, but I’m so sick and tired of hearing the pain in her voice, like she is blameless in this shit. So, I let it all hang out.

“Yeah that’s me, Mama. A f*cking * right? I mean it’s not like my woman didn’t hide a whole f*cking life and lie to me from day one. It’s not like, instead of telling me when shit was about to hit the fan, she kept her damn secret and threatened to leave me. It sure as hell has nothing to do with the fact that my woman had me and my men jump through hoops and put on f*cking clothes that we would never wear, for the privilege of putting my ring on her hand, just to f*cking leave me standing on the damn sidewalk! I mean what the hell, right? You’re the only one that’s been hurt and wronged in this situation. Right, Nicole? So, I had a friend blown up in front of me, what’s the big deal? So I had to watch him burn and make decisions quickly—again big-f*cking-deal. You want to bitch because I didn’t consult you? Maybe if you hadn’t left me there standing on the f*cking sidewalk and been with me you would have known. You ever think of that, Nicole? Still, like the motherf*cking fool I am, I can’t breathe without you so I repeatedly slam my head against a damned brick wall trying to get you to let me back in. Now, you sit there and ask me if this is it and call me an *. Yeah, Mama, this is it. I am done. There’s only so much a man is willing to crawl, even for your golden *.”

She gasps and then her hand comes out to slap me. I grab her wrist, by reflex.

“I’m sorry I even tried to get through to you!” She growls, yanking her hand away and turning to open the door.

She’s not going to get the final word. Oh hell no. I get out and face her.

“You didn’t try shit! You already had your mind made up we were done. You’re just enjoying getting your revenge!”

“My revenge? Are you crazy? What the hell are you talking about?”

“You got your panties in a twist. So you want to see me hurt, like I hurt you. I get it, Nicole. I do. Go ahead and rip my f*cking heart out, leave me and take my son. Throw me away yet again, like yesterday’s garbage. I’m done begging you to stay!”

“Oh will you quit saying that to me. You are not garbage!”

“Then what am I, Mama? What the f*ck am I?”

“I…” she stops, her eyes wide and her forehead creased in confusion.

“You’re…home,” she says and the words are such a drastic change from the argument we are having that I have to stop and replay her words in my head.

“Mama?” I ask confused on if we’re still fighting or what the hell just happened. I think the f*cking woman just gave me whiplash.

“You’re home, Dragon,” she says again, her eyes wide. She’s breathing hard, her hair is fanned around her face and down her shoulders.