Loving Her (Mitchell Family #9)(65)
Chapter 35
Tyler
Miranda gave me three shots of Bourbon before bed to help me sleep. When I say that she gave them to me, I mean she practically shoved them down my throat.
I almost wished that she hadn’t, because waking up knowing that I had to take Iz wasn’t a good feeling.
We had a big breakfast together and the boys made it clear how jealous they were that she got to go stay in Kentucky. For the first time since we’d told her the news, she seemed excited. It was a kick in the gut hearing her talking about living with Noah.
While laying in bed the night before, Miranda and I discussed the possibility of that happening. We agreed that even if it didn’t turn Izzy around, the time apart would be good for all of us and it would give her time to heal and move on. Colt and Van were planning on bringing her home for Thanksgiving which was a little more than three weeks away.
Seeing her packing her last bags in the car really broke me down. I was hoping that she’d somehow come begging us to stay, but she never did. After she said her goodbyes, I hugged my boys and then my wife. Miranda was already crying and we hadn’t even started the car. “Baby, remember this is temporary.”
She nodded and tried to smile, failing completely. “I know. I’m bein’ so stupid about this. She’s gone to stay with them for longer periods in the summer.”
“Exactly.” I moved the hair away from her cheeks and kissed her there. “I love you. I’ll call when we get there. Don’t forget I’m staying at the guest house tonight and coming home in the morning. If you need anything just call me.”
The three of them waved as we pulled down the dirt road and then we were off to Kentucky. To break the ice, I turned on Izzy’s favorite station. She quickly grabbed her ear-buds and put them in, blocking out the radio and anything else I might want to say to her.
We weren’t even a mile away from home and she was ignoring me. I clenched my jaw and tried to keep calm, knowing that if I became irrational, it would piss her off more.
After driving for an hour I realized I was starving. I pulled up to a drive-thru and she finally brought her attention to me. “You know what I want, right?”
I did. “Sure do.”
We caught eyes for just a second and I could see that she realized we’d connected. She turned quickly and peered out the window.
It was hard being so close to her and feeling the tension. I handed her the food, but didn’t change my expression as I spoke. “Can you pull mine out for me?”
She did as I asked and we both started eating while I continued to drive. We’d finished before anything was said again, but I figured since she didn’t have her ear buds in that I would be able to speak my mind. “Are you going to miss your friends at home?”
She shrugged. “Not the boys.”
I smiled. “That’s because boys your age are buttheads.”
“And warts. Lots of them have warts.”
It was nice, hearing her talk to me somewhat like she used to. “I know your brothers are going to miss you. Who are they going to bother every morning?”
“I’m not goin’ to miss those annoyin’ poopfaces.”
“Iz there's something I want you to know that I've only ever been able to tell your mother. I know you might not care, but I need to get this off of my chest." I paused and thought about finding the right words to explain. "Remember how we told you the funny stories of how Aunt Van used to be my girlfriend?"
She nodded.
"Well, the real reason we broke up was because I became someone I wasn't proud of. When I had my accident and got out of the hospital I found out she'd fallen in love with Uncle Colt. It broke my heart for a while, but I knew he loved her and would always be good to her. While they wanted to start their future together, I was left alone. I got really depressed and even wondered why God had made me survive the crash. I felt so worthless. I considered ending my life." I looked right at Iz. "Then something happened and I felt like I had a reason to wake up everyday.”
Izzy seemed interested in my story. “What happened?”
“Well, I drove with your Aunt Van to take her to Kentucky. When your mom went into labor, we were the only ones to drive her to the hospital, except we didn’t make it in time. You were born in the backseat and from the moment I saw your beautiful face, everything changed for me. I never felt love like I felt for you, instantly, as if I was meant to feel that way about you. You changed me and made me want to be different. Everything I have is because of the love you showed me.”
She looked down at her hands and said nothing.
I couldn’t help myself, even though I knew I was pushing the limits of the conversation. “I’m going to miss you, Iz. I know you hate me right now, but every day of my life has been better because you’ve been in it. I wake up and look forward to seeing your smiling face and I enjoy tucking you in each night. Maybe you’ll never forgive me, but I’ll never stop loving you. If you ever need anything, I’ll be there, even if you refuse to talk to me ever again.”
I was trying to focus on the road, but talking about my feelings had gotten me all messed up in the head. My eyes watered so badly that I had to pull over to the side of the road.
Normally, I’d be able to walk away from something without shedding a tear, but I felt like I was dropping off a part of myself and just walking away. It was like telling a kid to walk outside and shoot their favorite pet. This beautiful young girl had a piece of my heart and imagining her giving it back to me was devastating.