Loving Her (Mitchell Family #9)(32)

She sobbed, and I didn’t know how to comfort her, when I was sitting across from her falling apart. “This can’t be happenin’. We just got her out of the hospital. We’re supposed to be happy and celebrating her health. I don’t understand.”

I reached over and ran my hand through her hair. “I’ll talk to her tonight.” My throat was burning, and it was impossible to hold back my emotions. I didn’t care if my wife saw me getting emotional. She knew more than anyone what Izzy meant to me. “Baby, no matter what happens, I won’t give up on being her father, even if she doesn’t want me anymore.” It was crushing me from the inside. Imagining my life without my beautiful little girl. Picturing her hating me and never wanting to trust me again was undeniably the worst feeling I’d ever experienced. We hadn’t even spoken, and I knew that part of my life was never going to be the same. Sure, she’d always be mine, but not having her return that love, after all that we’d been through, was unbearable.

I just sat there with my wife, thinking about her sparkling eyes and the first time they’d looked up at me. I remember the first time she’d smiled and showed me her dimples. I thought about how she used to fall asleep on my chest and having her there made all of my problems disappear.

There were so many memories and I was about to reveal that each and every one of them would be tainted by a lie that none of us ever thought would be revealed.

“Ty, please. There has to be another way. I don’t want her knowin’ about him.”

“She already does. Whether we like it or not, she’s already found out too much. I’ve got to stop this, before it gets worse. Even if she hates me, at least she’ll know that I was the one to tell her the truth. I owe her that.”

“I can talk to her.” I knew she wanted to help, but this was my burden. I was the one who’d gone to drastic measures to make sure she would never have to know the truth. I was the one who falsified documents and risked my marriage to protect her.

“This is my conversation, not yours. All along, I’ve known this day might come. I knew there was always a chance she’d find out that I wasn’t her biological father.”

Miranda reached over and leaned her head against mine. “It’s just a label.”

“Kids don’t see it like that. All she’ll see is the lie. Every time she asks us a question, we’re digging ourselves into a deeper hole. This has to stop. I can’t keep adding to the list of reasons that she’ll hate me for.”

Miranda grabbed my face and made me look at her. “She’ll never hate you. She can’t. I won’t let that happen.”

“I know her better than anyone, baby. I’m scared too. It’s excruciating imagining that our special connection will be gone forever, all because I had to go out and buy that stupid f*cking puppy.” I stood up, finally losing my temper.

Reluctantly, I walked away from my wife, unable to talk about it anymore. I just wanted to be alone, to think about how I was going to sit down and be able to find the words to plead my case to Izzy.

My years of lying to get by were over. I was tired of it lingering over my head. Whether I told her now, or later, it would always have the same result. The problem was that even though I knew I could wait, it had become apparent that it was going to eat me alive.

Izzy had the ability to make nothing else in my life matter. For some reason, when she needed me, I dropped everything to be at her beck and call. Knowing that proved without a doubt that I couldn’t wait any longer.

I found my way to the barn and sat down on the old couch. I had my face down pressed against my hands when I heard someone walking in. Since I’d been emotional, I really didn’t want to look up.

I felt the couch move beside me and turned to see Izzy sitting there. She had her hands folded and was looking down.

It hurt so much knowing what I had to do. I didn’t want to know how she’d found me, or if she’d been listening to me and her mother arguing about what to do. Nothing mattered.

We were sitting there, alone and I couldn’t walk away.

I looked up into her eyes; those beautiful blue eyes that melted my heart. “I need to tell you something, Iz.”

“You’re not my real dad, are you?”

I guess there is a point in everyone’s life where they can remember the worst day of their lives. Maybe it’s when people’s lives are coming to an end, or even an accident that changed their lives forever. My moment was happening right before my eyes.

My throat ached, like it was fighting with my mind, begging me to stay quiet. Warm tears ran down my face and she reached over and touched one.

I grabbed her hand and held it over my lips, while closing my eyes and memorizing the smell of her skin, as if it was going to be the last time she let me touch her. Finally, I knew she was waiting, so I opened my eyes and admitted the truth. “No, I’m not.”





Chapter 18


Miranda


In the time it took me to get myself together enough to make it inside of the house, I watched Ty go into the barn and Bella follow him. So much was going through my mind.

I hated seeing him hurt and not being able to take away his pain. After all of our years together, the trials and tribulations, love, death, friendship and never giving up, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. His intentions, regarding our daughter had been out of devotion, not him being selfish, like he thought. It was hard convincing him otherwise, because Ty was always blaming himself for whatever was going wrong. I think that he felt like if the problem was on him, it would be easier to fix.