Lover Revealed (Black Dagger Brotherhood #4)(92)

Okay…deep breath time. “Ah…I was a virgin. Up until tonight.”

“Oh.” After a long pause, the queen said, “And?”

“I didn’t…”

“Like it?” When she couldn’t respond, Beth said, “I wasn’t into it my first time, either.”

Marissa looked up. “Really?”

“It was painful.”

“You hurt, too?” When the female nodded, Marissa was stunned. Then a little relieved. “It wasn’t all painful. I mean, what led up to it was…is amazing. Butch makes me…he’s just so…the way he touches me, I get…Oh, God, I can’t believe I’m talking like this. And I can’t explain what it’s like with him.”

Beth chuckled. “That’s all right. I know what you mean.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah.” The queen’s dark blue eyes glowed. “I know exactly what you mean.”

Marissa smiled, then went back to the talking. “When it was time to…you know, when it happened, Butch was really gentle and all. And I wanted to like it, I honestly did. I was just overwhelmed and it was very painful. I think there’s something wrong with me. Inside.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Marissa.”

“But I…it really hurt.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Butch said most females have a difficult time with it in the beginning, but I just didn’t…That’s certainly not what the glymera says.”

“No offense, because you’re a part of the aristocracy, but I wouldn’t take the glymera’s word on anything.”

The queen probably had a point. “How did you get through it with Wrath when you…ah…”

“My first time wasn’t with him.”

“Oh.” Marissa flushed red. “Pardon me, I didn’t mean—”

“No problem. Actually I didn’t like sex until Wrath. I’d been with two guys before him and just…whatever. I mean, I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Frankly, though, even if Wrath had been my first, it probably wouldn’t have been any easier given the size of his—” Now the queen was flushing. “Anyway…you know, sex is an invasion for the woman. Erotic and wonderful, but an invasion just the same, and it takes a little getting used to. And for some, the first time is quite painful. Butch will be patient with you. He’ll—”

“He didn’t finish. I got the impression he…couldn’t.”

“If he hurt you, I can understand why he’d want to stop.”

Marissa threw up her arms. “God, I feel so damned ashamed. When it happened, my head got all tangled…I had all this stuff shooting through my brain. And before I left, I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn’t find the words. I mean, I love him.”

“Good. That’s good.” Beth took Marissa’s hand. “And it’s going to be all right, I promise you. You two just need to try it again. Now that the pain is over for you, you shouldn’t have a problem.”

Marissa stared into the queen’s midnight blue eyes. And realized that in her whole life, no one had ever talked to her candidly about a problem she had. In fact…she’d never had a friend before. And that’s what the queen felt like. A…friend.

“You know something?” Marissa murmured.

“What?”

“You’re very kind. I can see why Wrath has bonded with you so.”

“Like I said before, I’d do anything to help you.”

“You really have. Tonight…you totally have.” Marissa cleared her throat. “May I—ah, may I try the pants on?”

“Absolutely.”

Marissa picked up the clothes, got a change of underwear from the bureau, and went into the bathroom.

When she came out, she had on a pair of slim black pants and a turtleneck. And she couldn’t stop staring down at herself. Her body seemed so much smaller without all the skirting.

“How do they feel?” Beth asked.

“Odd. Light. Easy.” Marissa walked around in her bare feet. “A little like I’m naked.”

“You’re thinner than I am, so they’re a little baggy. But they look great.”

Marissa went back into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. “I think I like them.”



When Butch returned to the Pit, he lurched down to his suite and started the shower. He kept the lights off because he had no interest in seeing how drunk and freaked out he still was, and he got under the spray, even though it was cold, in the hopes that the Antarctic wash would help sober him up.

With rough hands, he worked himself over with a bar of soap, and when he got to his privates, he didn’t look down. Couldn’t bear it. He knew what he was washing off his body, and his chest burned at the thought of the blood that had been on the inside of Marissa’s thighs.

Man…seeing that had been a killer. Then he’d shocked the shit out of himself by doing what he did. He had no idea why he’d put his mouth to her or where the idea had come from. It had just seemed like the thing to do.

Oh…hell. He couldn’t think about all that.

Quick shampoo. Quick rinse. And then he was out. He didn’t bother toweling off, just went dripping to his bed and sat down. The air was freezing cold on his wet skin, and the chill felt like a proper punishment as he rested his chin on his fist and stared across the room. In the dim glow coming under the door, he saw the pile of clothes Marissa had taken off him earlier. Then that dress of hers on the floor.