Lover Revealed (Black Dagger Brotherhood #4)(106)

“So you’re saying you’d rather be dead than be with me?”

“I told you, this isn’t going to—”

“But what comes next? You think I can’t follow the logic? If you find out you’ve got a vampire descendant, you mean to tell me you aren’t going to try something truly stupid?”

“I love you too much—”

“Goddamn it! If you loved me, you wouldn’t do this to yourself. If you loved me—” Marissa’s voice cracked. “If you loved me…”

Tears welled in her eyes, and with a jerky movement, she clamped her hands on her face and trembled. Just shook all over.

“Baby…it’s going to be all right.” Thank God, she let him put his arms around her. “Baby—”

“I am so angry at you right now,” she said into his chest. “You’re an arrogant, prideful fool who’s breaking my heart.”

“I’m a man who wants to take care of his woman.”

“Like I said…a goddamned fool. And you promised, no more protecting me by leaving me out.”

“I’m really sorry, I just wanted to tell you when it was over. And I trust V with my life, I truly do. I’m not going to kick it over this.” He tilted her face up and thumbed away her tears. “I just keep thinking about the future. I’m thirty-seven and I’ve led a hard-drinking, hard-smoking life. I could be dead in ten years, who knows?”

“And if you die now, I will have missed out on that decade. I want those years with you.”

“But I want centuries. Aeons. And I want you to stop feeding off of…Rehvenge.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I told you it’s not romantic—”

“On your side. But can you honestly say that he doesn’t want you?” When she didn’t reply, he nodded. “That’s what I thought. I don’t blame him, but I don’t like it. Even though…shit, you probably should be with someone like him, someone from your class.”

“Butch, I don’t care about the glymera anymore. I’m shut out of that life now, and you know what? It’s for the better. In fact, I should thank Havers for forcing me to be independent. He did me a favor.”

“Yeah, well, no offense, but I still want to beat his ass.”

As he squeezed her harder, she sighed into his pecs. “What are they going to do if you have some of the race in you?”

“Let’s talk about that afterward.”

“No.” She pushed him back. “You do not shut me out. You want to do this for us? Then I get a vote, damn it. We talk about it now.”

He shoved a hand through his hair and braced himself. “They’re going to try and jump-start the change if I do.”

Her mouth opened slowly. “How?”

“V says he can do it.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t gotten that far.”

Marissa stared at him for a long time, and he knew she was tallying his f*ckups. After a moment, she said, “You broke your promise to me by keeping me out of all this.”

“I…Yeah, I blew it.” He put his palm over his heart. “But I swear, Marissa, I was going to come to you once I knew whether we had a shot at it. I never had any intention of going into the transition without talking to you first. I swear.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to be lost.”

As she glanced at the door, silence expanded in the room until he could have sworn it became tangible, brushing against his skin like cold fog.

Finally, she said, “If you’re going to do the regression, I want to be in the room.”

Butch released his breath in a rush. “Come here, I need to hold you for a sec.”

Pulling her to him, he wrapped his body around hers. Her shoulders were stiff, but her arms gripped him around the waist. Hard.

“Butch?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not sorry I slapped you.”

He dropped his head into her neck. “I deserved it.”

As he pressed his lips to her skin, he breathed in deep, trying to hold her scent not just in his lungs but in his blood. When he pulled back, he looked at the vein running up her neck and thought, Oh, God…please let me be something more than I am.

“Let’s get this over with,” she said.

He kissed her and let Wrath, V, and Rhage back in.

“We going to do this?” Vishous asked.

“Yeah, we are.”

Butch shut the doors, and then he and V went back over to the fireplace.

As Rhage moved in from behind and went to slide the belt in place, Butch looked at Marissa. “It’s okay, baby. I love you.” Then he glanced at Wrath. As if the king read minds, he went over and stood next to her. Ready to catch her. Or hold her back.

V got real close, so close their chests almost touched. With care, he repositioned the cross so it hung down Butch’s back. “You good to go, cop?”

Butch nodded, finding as comfortable a bite as he could on the leather. He braced himself as V lifted an arm.

Except when his roommate’s palm landed on his bare chest all he felt was a warm weight. Butch frowned. This was it? This was f*cking it? Scaring the shit out of Marissa for no good—