Lover Awakened (Black Dagger Brotherhood #3)(130)

“I thought you were an angel,” Phury said softly as he laid his head back onto Z’s arm. “When you sang to me, I thought you were seeing me safely unto the Fade.”

“I’m no angel.” He reached up and smoothed his hand over Phury’s cheek, sweeping the wetness away. Then he closed the male’s eyelids with his fingertips.

“I’m tired,” Phury murmured. “So…tired.”

Z stared at his twin’s face for what felt like the very first time. The bruises were already healing, the swelling going down, the jagged cut he’d given himself fading. What was revealed were lines of exhaustion and strain, not much of an improvement.

“You’ve been tired for centuries, Phury. It’s time to let go of me.”

“Don’t think I can.”

Zsadist inhaled deeply. “That night I was taken from the family…No, don’t look at me. It’s too…close. I can’t breathe when you do…. Christ, just close your eyes, okay?” Z coughed some more, little chuffing sounds that were the only reason he could speak through his tight throat. “That night, it wasn’t your fault you didn’t get snatched. And you can’t make up for the fact that you were lucky and I wasn’t. I want you to stop looking after me.”

Phury’s breath shuddered out of him. “Do you…do you have any idea what it felt like to see you in that cell, naked and chained and…to know what that female had done to you for so long?”

“Phury—”

“I know it all, Z. I know everything that happened to you. I heard about it from males who…had been there. Before I knew it was you that they spoke of, I heard the stories.”

Zsadist swallowed, though he’d gone queasy. “I had always hoped that you didn’t know. Had prayed that you—”

“So you’ve got to understand why I die for you every day. Your pain is mine.”

“No, it isn’t. Swear to me you will stop this.”

“I can’t.”

Z closed his eyes. As they lay together, he wanted to beg for forgiveness for all the shitty things he’d done since Phury had gotten him free…and he wanted to yell at his twin for being such a damn hero. But mostly he wanted to give all those wasted years back to Phury. The male deserved so much more than he had gotten out of life.

“Well, you’re giving me no alternative, then.”

Phury’s head jerked off Z’s arm. “If you kill yourself—”

“I guess I’d better take a stab at not giving you as much to worry about.”

Z felt Phury’s whole body go limp. “Oh…Jesus.”

“Don’t know how it’ll work out, though. My instincts…they’ve been honed for anger, you know. I’m probably always going to be a quick trigger.”

“Oh, Jesus…”

“But you know, maybe I could work on that. Or something. Fuck, I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Oh…Jesus. I’ll help you. Any way I can.”

Z shook his head. “No. I don’t want help. I need to do this myself.”

They were quiet for a time.

“My arm’s falling asleep,” Z said.

Phury lifted his head and Zsadist took the limb back, but he didn’t move away.





Right before Bella left, she went to the room Zsadist had been given. She’d been delaying her departure for days, telling herself it wasn’t because she was waiting for him to come around. Which was a lie.

The door was slightly ajar, so she knocked on the jamb. She wondered what he would say when she just walked right in. Probably nothing.

“Come in,” a female said.

Bella stepped into the room. The bed was empty, and a splintered tree of monitoring equipment was lying on its side as if it were dead. A nurse was picking pieces of it off the floor and putting them into a trash can. Clearly Zsadist was up and around.

The nurse smiled. “Are you looking for him? He’s next door with his brother.”

“Thank you.”

Bella went one room farther down and knocked quietly. When there was no response, she went inside.

The two of them were lying back-to-back, so tightly against each other it was as if their spines were fused. Their arms and legs were curled up in identical positions, their chins tucked into their chests. She imagined them in their mother’s womb like that, resting together, innocent of all the horrors that waited for them on the outside.

Odd to think her blood was in both of them. It was her only legacy to the pair, the only thing she was leaving behind.

Without warning Zsadist’s eyes flipped open. The yellow-gold glow was such a surprise, she jumped.

“Bella…” He reached for her. “Bella—”

She took a step back. “I came to say good-bye.”

As he dropped his hand, she had to look away.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “Somewhere safe?”

“Yes.” She was heading down the coast, to Charleston in South Carolina, to extended family who were more than happy to take her in. “It’s going to be a new start for me. A new life.”

“Good. This is good.”

She closed her eyes. Just once…just once she would have liked to hear some regret in his voice while she was leaving. Then again, as this was their last good-bye, at least she wouldn’t have to be disappointed anymore.