Love's Suicide (Love's Suicide #1)(98)
I pointed toward him. “Don’t you dare turn this around. He’s the victim and you hate that. You can’t stand that you did all of this. You can’t stand that after all of it, he still got me. Let me just tell you something. I don’t care how long we were together, or what you did to try to make me happy. You could never be him, Branch. No matter how much you tried. You’re too different. You care about yourself, while he puts himself last.”
He turned and looked right at me. “You’re right. That’s why I did what I did. It’s why I told you he didn’t want you and it’s why I told him to back off. I knew he’d listen, because he always cared about everyone else. Once I had you I knew he wouldn’t want my sloppy seconds.”
I moved forward on the bed, almost getting up in his face. “That’s where you’re wrong, Branch. I bet you didn’t know he lost his virginity to me in that room right across the hall. You see, on the anniversary of when my parents died, I thought it was you that would come into my room and comfort me. I thought it was you holding me because that’s what a boyfriend was supposed to do. Little did I know that it was Brooks. He made love to me only days after our first time together, and then on the same day the next year. Both times it wasn’t like anything I’d ever felt before.” That statement was better than any kick in the balls.
I watched the color leave his face and knew that I’d hit a nerve. “What? You knew?”
I shook my head. “No. I didn’t know at first. We were together twice and he never told me. I can’t blame him. Though, at first, I wanted to kill him.”
Branch covered his face with both hands. “God, I can’t believe this.”
“I couldn’t believe it either. More than that, I couldn’t believe that the man I was planning on marrying had conned me into loving him. Did you really think that I’d be happy and that Brooks would never tell me the truth?”
He turned to me, like he was the one betrayed. “He gave me his word that I could have you.”
“He told me no that night.” It was partly the truth, but I was actually starting to feel bad. “That night at the hotel, you were so drunk. You said some horrible things and Brooks just wanted me to feel better. He found me on the roof crying, and everything happened so fast. I know you could never understand and that you’ll probably hate me forever, but I’ve never felt something so powerful as when I’m close to him. It doesn’t matter how long we’re apart, or what’s standing in our way, it’s always there. Branch, I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I left because I couldn’t face you that next morning. I couldn’t look you in the eyes and tell you that I was in love with your brother. I felt so ashamed.” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat before I could continue. “The thing is, you knew it all along. You’d been keeping us apart because you knew what we had, didn’t you? Do you have any idea what I’ve gone through because of all of this? I ran away from the only family I have left. I had a child that I couldn’t tell anyone about, because I thought they all hated me, including your brother. I moved to a town with nothing but the clothes in my suitcase. You could have prevented all of this. Brooks didn’t have to miss the birth of his daughter.”
“How did you know she was his?”
“I did the math and the doctors gave me a three day window of when I conceived. Then we learned you were sterile, which by the way, thanks for that. Another lie that you went along with to get me to marry you.”
Finally he cut in. “Okay. I get the damn point. I was a shitty brother and a lying boyfriend. It doesn’t change that fact that you were only with me because you thought he didn’t want you. I was your f*cking consolation prize, so yeah, I lied. I didn’t want either of you to be happy, so I did what I had to do. I gave you everything you wanted and you still ran to him. All you had to do was be faithful for one night and you couldn’t. You had to be with him. Let me know something, Katy. Would you have still married me if I hadn’t caught you with him?”
I shook my head, knowing the answer before he finished the sentence. “No. I think I knew I wasn’t going to marry you the moment he walked through the door.” Then I really felt bad. “Branch, if you ever loved me, in any way, you’d know that I wasn’t with Brooks because I wanted to hurt you. I was with Brooks because I couldn’t stop myself. Every bone in my body calls for him. When he touches me it’s electric. We both loved you and it was the only reason that I walked away from you and from him.”
Branch started to get choked up and my anger was already gone, but was now placed with remorse. I hurt for him, feeling betrayed by his own flesh and blood. I put my hand on his and he looked up at me. “I did love you, Katy. It wasn’t the right kind of love, but it was real. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ve got a good life and Melissa’s a great woman. I love her, and I know we’ll be happy. She’s okay with having to adopt and I don’t keep secrets from her. Except for one.”
I looked at him and felt confused. “One?”
“For so long I’ve told her that I hated you. I wanted you to be miserable and poor. Then I saw your daughter and I realized what I’d taken from you. You don’t have to remind me what I did. Knowing that I can’t have children has been difficult for me to come to grips with. Seeing that Brooks had a child is when it really hit me. You’re right, Katy. I kept you apart and it’s my fault you ran away from Brooks. I’m sorry he wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry none of us were, because family is supposed to stick together, no matter what. It’s time I admit it out loud.” He took a deep breath and wiped the tears off of his face. “I want you to be happy with my brother, because he’s loved you for as long as I can remember and I’m sorry for keeping you apart. I suppose I deserved to hear about him sneaking in your room. He always was your hero.”