Lost and Found (Twist of Fate #1)(39)

I watched Bennett long enough to see him disappear into his tent, but when I turned to go, Aiden stopped me. I was expecting him to give me a cocky smirk and then rub Bennett’s preference for him in my face. So I was shocked when he gently said, “He really likes you, you know.” He shook his head as he fiddled with the cap on the water jug. “This shit with you has been eating him up. Don’t let my teasing make you mad at him again, Xander. I was just giving him a hard time. It’s what good friends do.”

I took a moment to study him, wondering what his agenda was. Guys like Aiden always had one. I’d known a million Aidens in my lifetime and every spoiled trust fund kid I’d ever known, with the exception of Bennett, was always out for himself first, and everyone and everything else came second.

“He says you’re not together anymore, but everything I’ve seen says something different,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as petulant as I felt.

“We’re not… haven’t been since freshman year in college.” There was a subtle shift in his voice as he glanced at Bennett’s tent. It was heavier somehow… and there was something there. Regret? No, that couldn’t be right. I really, really didn’t want it to be right.

“You touch him… constantly. You say things that normal friends don’t say to each other. I don’t go around telling my friends I want to fuck them in the woods.”

“Normal,” Aiden said with a quiet chuckle. He shook his head and then motioned to a nearby rock before sitting down on it. I reluctantly sat down next to him, but he didn’t speak again until he’d taken his boots off and hung his bare feet in the lake.

“You want to know why it didn’t work out between him and me, Xander? I mean, do you really want to know, or do you want to keep making assumptions?”

I ignored the subtle jab and said, “Tell me.”

“He needed more than I could give him. I knew that pretty much the second we went from being guys who happened to live in the same dorm to friends, then lovers.”

I flinched at the last words. Even though it wasn’t news to me, the reminder still stung, and I knew it likely always would in some way.

“His heart was so damn big, and he gave as much of it as he could to me right away.”

“What does that mean, ‘as much as he could’?”

His eyes slid to mine. “You know what it means.”

The bottom of my stomach dropped out at that. No, he couldn’t possibly mean…

“No,” I said. “It wasn’t like that between us… ever. We were kids… we were just friends.”

“Jesus, watching you two is downright painful,” he said softly. “Fine, I’ll let you live in your little world of denial. I’m not that guy, Xander. I’m not a relationship guy, never was, never will be. Yes, I tried for Bennett, because he meant that much to me and no one deserved rainbows and sunshine more than him.”

He swirled his toes in the water, flicking up clear droplets and watching them fall back down to the surface. “But Bennett is Bennett, and I could see that pretending I was enough for him wasn’t going to work. Not for him, not for me. Yes, I touch him and I joke around with him, but only because I know it doesn’t mean anything to him… or me.”

I looked over at the man beside me. He was tall and muscular— the kind of guy who was probably captain of the football team at his prep school and president of the fraternity in college. He was exactly the kind of guy I would have pictured Bennett with.

“You’re perfect for him,” I murmured. “You have everything a guy like Bennett could ever want.”

He looked at me and shook his head. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

“Just fucking look at him, Xander. I mean really look. Stop seeing that kid who turned his back on you and see the man he’s become. And no, he never told me the details about what happened that night, but I know whatever it was, it changed him just like it changed you.”

I held my tongue, even as the instinct to lash out hit me.

“But he’s still that same kid who thought you hung the fucking moon.” Aiden let out a rough breath and then settled his eyes on the horizon. I knew what he was seeing— Woodland Rise. It was a view I lived for, but now I couldn’t see it. I was too hung up on everything Aiden had said.

“He used to call out for you.”

I jerked my head in his direction. “What?”

“In his sleep. He’d say your name and the word ‘sorry.’ Sometimes he’d cry. Never remembered it when he woke up, though. Ripped my fucking heart out every damn time.”

I swallowed hard as my throat threatened to close up. I didn’t want to believe him, but as much as I wished it was all lies, I knew it wasn’t.

“You know why I touch him all the time and say that shit to him?” he asked.

I shook my head. I didn’t want to look at him. I just wanted to escape. I’d been ready to call foul on all his bullshit, but he’d hit me with something I never would have expected from a guy like him.

The truth.

“Because it helps me remember what we are: friends. It makes me not want more. But I still get that little piece of him that’s just so… Bennett.”

I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I wondered what this man’s life must be like to warrant his need for the light that being around Bennett brought into it.