Lost Along the Way(91)

“What are you, a navy SEAL?” Nick asked.

“No, just someone who’s tired of being a passive player in life. I’m nervous, too. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to help. For Christ’s sake, I’m the getaway driver. You know what happens to those people? They’re always the first to be busted.”

“I’m beginning to understand how all of you guys managed to f*ck up your lives so badly before the age of forty, you know that?”

“Yup. And now we’re going to drag you down with us,” Meg said, nudging him with her elbow.

Jane’s phone buzzed on the center console. “Okay. She’s ready for us. Are you guys good to go?”

“I am,” Meg said.

“Good,” Jane said. “Let’s do this. Nick, it’s time to spice up your life a little.”

“I’m a gay man living in the Hamptons. The last thing I need is more spice in my life.”

“Just because you think that doesn’t mean it’s true. Come on, let’s have a little adventure,” Jane sang.

“An adventure, huh?” Nick said. “You’re right. That sounds much better than ‘let’s commit a felony.’ In that case, I guess I’m in.” He straightened his tie, smoothed his hair behind his ears, and pulled up his argyle socks. He was as ready as he’d ever be. “Okay, ladies. I agreed to do this and I’m not going to leave you hanging. Is my tie on straight?”

“Yes,” Jane said. “But you have time to get into your costume, you realize that, right? Reed won’t be up for a while.”

“I’m not leaving anything to chance, so I’m going in there fully prepared. If this caper fails, it won’t be because I wasn’t dressed properly.”

Jane leaned over into the front seat and planted a kiss on his cheek. “You, my friend, are a gem. Someday we’ll find a way to thank you.”

“I doubt that. Let’s go.”

They climbed out of the car and snuck around to the kitchen door at the back of the house. “How much time do we have?” Meg whispered as soon as they were safely inside and Cara had quietly closed the door behind them.

“A few hours,” Jane answered. “He just took two Ambien. That will knock him out until later tonight. How bad was it?” she asked Cara.

“I expected worse, actually,” Cara admitted.

“That’s not saying much,” Jane replied. “Okay, let’s get this party started.” She pulled her sweater over her head, revealing a synthetic black demi-cup bra that barely covered her synthetic boobs, and dropped her sweater on the floor. Then she removed her shoes and her jeans, tossing them in a ball in the corner. It didn’t surprise anyone that before Jane had run from the city, she’d packed matching black lingerie just in case it came in handy. Jane took her mother’s warning to never leave the house without clean underwear to the next level. “Ready when you are.”

The foursome crept over to where Reed was passed out on the sofa. Cara removed a small mirror from her pocket and held it beneath Reed’s nose.

“What are you doing?” Jane asked.

“I’m checking to make sure he’s breathing. I’m all for blackmail, but murder is something I’d really like to avoid.” Satisfied with his vitals, she undid his belt and unzipped his pants. With Nick’s help supporting his dead weight, she was able to slide his pants and his tartan plaid boxers down to his ankles. She unbuttoned his shirt, Nick once again helping to raise him off the couch so she could free his arms from the sleeves. Meg removed his socks and marveled at his feet.

“He has the cleanest man-feet I’ve ever seen!” Meg exclaimed. “Does he get pedicures?”

“Every two weeks, religiously. The man has better grooming habits than I do,” Cara said.

“There’s nothing I hate more than men who get pedicures. I refuse to sit next to them in the salon if they’re there. It’s bad pediquette,” Jane said.

“I’m sorry, what word did you just say?” Meg asked.

“Pediquette. Pedicure etiquette.”

“I get pedicures,” Nick admitted, staring at his toes. “But I don’t wax my toes, and I’m pretty sure he does. There’s no hair on them! Are you sure he’s not gay?”

“You guys!” Cara yelled. “Can we please get on with this? I don’t care how long he’s unconscious, there’s no need to drag this out.”

Jane undid her bra and climbed on top of Reed, nestling in the crook of his arm, her leg thrown over his hip. “How’s this? Can you see enough of my boobs? These pictures need to be racy or there’s no point to doing this.”

“Turn to the side more,” Meg said. “It’ll look better if we can see your nips.”

Jane obediently rolled slightly onto her back, exposing an entire boob, and tilted her head so her face could be clearly seen. “I feel like Kate Winslet in Titanic. Is that weird?” she asked.

“Oh my God, I love that movie! How many times did we go see that? Like a dozen?” Meg asked.

“Probably more,” Jane said. “Wait, do you remember the time that we—”

“You guys!” Cara snapped. “Can you please focus?”

“Sorry. You’re right,” Jane said. “You know, for the record, this has got to be the first time anyone has ever used naked pictures of themselves to ruin someone else’s reputation, but I’m doing it because I love you and I think we need to work on building the bonds of sisterhood.”