Lost Along the Way(2)

“Are you serious?” Cara asked. “You weren’t expecting us to be mad at you? Have you totally lost your mind?” Unlike Meg’s high-pitched squeal, Cara’s voice was reserved, if not monotone, as if she was afraid someone would overhear their conversation. Still, Jane could tell from the look on her face that she was royally pissed off. Displaying raw emotion just wasn’t Cara’s style. That’s something that would never change.

Jane sincerely didn’t understand their anger. If one of them had eloped without telling her she honestly wouldn’t care. In fact, she’d be grateful for having been spared yet another bridesmaid dress. She loved both of them, and had since they were little girls sitting in the same third-grade classroom, but her wedding day didn’t have anything to do with them. This was about her and what she wanted for her life with her new husband.

“Wow. I didn’t mean to upset you guys. I swear I didn’t see any of this coming,” Jane replied, trying her best to pacify them, but at the same time resenting that she had to. Meg and Cara had been her best friends since they were kids, but they were women now, and Jane didn’t feel like they needed to be attached at the hip all the time. She fidgeted with the pearl bracelet Doug had given her as a wedding present, hoping one of them would notice it and comment on how beautiful it was.

“Don’t you think you rushed into this? I mean, you don’t even really know this guy! I don’t know him at all. I’ve only met him once, and he called me Mary the whole time!” Meg pointed out. “How old is he? He’s a lot older than us, isn’t he?” Meg bit the cuticles on her right hand until they were raw and jagged and burning bright red, which was what she always did when she got nervous.

“He’s only ten years older than we are. He’s forty, not sixty. I know it’s been quick, you guys, but I love him, I really do. What’s the difference if we’ve only known each other a few months? When you know, you know. And I know in my heart that this is what’s right for me.”

“Then why couldn’t you at least include us? Why’d you run away and do it alone?” Cara asked. She glanced over at Meg. “Stop biting your nails!” she snapped.

“I didn’t run away anywhere! I just didn’t make it a big deal, that’s all,” Jane said, her resentment growing.

“That doesn’t sound like someone who’s secure in her decision. Most people share their weddings with the people who care about them. They don’t hide it.” Cara sighed.

“I did share it with people who care about me. My mother and brother were there. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it, but it was a spur-of-the-moment type thing and I don’t think I need to justify that decision to you guys. We are almost thirty! Aren’t we a little old to be arguing over shit like this? We don’t need to live in each other’s back pockets all the time!”

“What did your mother say about this?” Cara asked. “She had no problem with you eloping?” Jane immediately felt her ire rise. Cara had a way of making her feel like she needed to defend herself all the time. It wasn’t that Cara was judgmental; it was just that she had everything in her life perfectly in order and had for years, and anyone who didn’t do things exactly the way she did was somehow doing things wrong. If Jane had met her as an adult instead of as a little girl, she would think Cara was a snob. She wasn’t. She was just perfect in a way that occasionally made it hard to be her friend.

Those occasions were starting to become more and more frequent.

“My mom had no reservations whatsoever, actually,” Jane answered. “My mom and my brother are both happy that I finally have someone stable in my life.” Jane’s choice to have an unconventional and impromptu wedding was no surprise to anyone who knew her—except for the two people who were supposed to know her better than anyone else. “I thought you guys would be happy for me. Why are you making me feel like I did something wrong?” she asked, surprised to hear her voice crack.

“I’m sorry. I am happy for you,” Meg said, finally rising from the table to give her the hug that was now about five minutes too late. “I’m just sad I didn’t get to see it. That’s all. I would’ve loved to be a part of it.” She released Jane from her arms and immediately began to bite the cuticles on her right hand again. It was mind-boggling to Jane that she hadn’t managed to get that habit under control by now.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you; I just, to be honest—”

“Didn’t think of us at all,” Cara said.

Jane shrugged. It sounded so awful when she heard it out loud. But it was sort of true. A wedding was between a man and a woman—not a man, a woman, and her two best friends. Did they seriously not get that?

“I’m sorry. I really am,” Jane said, realizing that whether or not it was intentional, she’d hurt their feelings. “I don’t want to argue with you guys. Today is supposed to be a really happy day and I want you both to help me celebrate. Doug is throwing a cocktail party tonight for some of his friends and I want you guys to come. It’s basically our wedding reception. It’ll be fun.” She was sure it would be. Doug always knew how to throw a great party, no expense spared.

“Hear that, Meg?” Cara said, dabbing her mouth with a napkin. “Jane actually wants to invite us to a cocktail party. I guess we should be honored.”