Lincoln in the Bardo(19)

Dear Willie, said a third

Dear dear Willie, said a fourth

And all of those Mothers loved me so and wanted me to go with and said they would take me home soon as I was ready.

willie lincoln

When will you know the full pleasures of the marriage-bed; when behold Anna’s naked form; when will she turn to you in that certain state, mouth hungry, cheeks flushed; when will her hair, loosened in a wanton gesture, fall at last around you? (Thus spoke Elsbeth Grove, my wife’s cousin—or, rather, spoke a deceiving creature fashioned into the exact image of Elsbeth—in a thinnish thing, silk collar fluttering.) I’ll tell you when, said a second bride, whom I now recognized as my own dear grandmother (also arrayed, disconcertingly, in a thinnish thing, collar fluttering). Never. That’s finished now. You delude yourself, Kugel.

Since their last visit they had somehow acquired my nickname.

It troubles Anna that you remain here, Elsbeth said. She asked me to relay this message.

I was weakening with every second and knew I must rally some defense.

Is she there now? I said. Waiting for me? In that place to which you so eloquently urge me to go?

I had them now, for though they are happy enough to deceive, they prefer not to lie.

Elsbeth, blushing, cast an anxious glance at Grandmother.

It is—it is rather difficult to answer your question, Elsbeth said.

You are demons, I said. Who assume these familiar forms to lure me thither.

My, but you are honest, Kugel! said Grandmother.

Are you so honest regarding your own situation? said Elsbeth.

Are you “sick,” Kugel? said Grandmother. Do doctors put sick people into “sick-boxes”?



I do not recall that practice ever being followed in our time, Elsbeth said.

Therefore what must we conclude, Kugel? said Grandmother. What are you? Where are you? Admit it, dearest, believe it, say it aloud, profit by it, join us.

We say these things to speed you along, said Elsbeth.

And I saw that I must apply the ultimate antidote.

To whom do you speak? I said. Who is hearing you? To whom do you listen? Whose hand do you now follow, as it lifts to point to the heavens? What is the source of the voice causing those looks of consternation to appear even now upon your faces? Here I am. I am here. Am I not?

This had its usual effect.

Confused and deflated, the brides huddled, whispering to one another, devising a new plan of attack.

Fortunately, at that moment, their fraudulent conference was disrupted by the sound of two more distinct and separate firesound/matterlightblooming occurrences: one from the south, one from the northwest.

hans vollman

Eddie took off running at them sounds.

Sometimes he gets pretty f—–ing scared of s—–.

One of them sluts came right up to me. Then I seen it is not a slut. But our own daughter, Mary Mag! All f—–ing dressed up! Finally come to visit! After all these f—–ing years of not!

Mother, she said. We are sorry to have been so remiss. Everett and I.

Who’s Everett? I said.

Your son, she said. My brother.

Edward, you mean? I said. Eddie? Eddie Jr.?

Edward, yes, correct, sorry, she said. Anyway, we should have come a long time ago. But I have been quite busy. Being successful. And loved. And producing many children of surpassing beauty. And intelligence. As has Everett.

Edward, I said.



Edward, yes, she said. I am just so exhausted! From…from all my successes!

Well, that’s all right, I said. You’re here now, kid.

And Mother? she said. Please know. Everything is all right. You did the best you could. We blame you for nothing. Although we know that you feel you may have, at times, exhibited certain defects of maternal— I was kind of a s—– mother, wasn’t I? I said.

Whatever failures you feel you may have been responsible for, leave them behind you now, she said. All turned out beautifully. Come with us.

Come where though? I said. I don’t—

You are a wave that has crashed upon the shore, she said.

See, I don’t get that, I said.

Just then Eddie came racing back.

My hero!

Ha.

Clear the f—– out of here, you, he said.

It’s Mary Mag, I said.

No it ain’t, he said. Watch this.

He picked up a stone and shagged it. Right at Mary Mag! As the stone passed through, she was not Mary Mag anymore at all, but I don’t f—–ing know who. Or what. Some blob or blast of sun in the shape of a G——n dress!

You, sir, are a fool, the light-blob said.

Then it turned to me.

You, madam, it said. Are less so.

betsy baron

The lead angel took my face into her hands as her wing swished back and forth, putting me in mind of a horse’s tail as that animal feeds.



Are you thriving here, Reverend? she said, wing extended lazily above her. Is He whom you served in life present here?

I—I believe He is, I said.

He is, of course, everywhere, she said. But does not like to see you lingering here. Among such low companions.

Her beauty was considerable and increasing by the second. I saw I must end our interview or risk disaster.

Please go, I said. I do not—I do not require you today.

But soon, I think? she said.