Last Stand (The Black Mage #4)(37)

Priscilla. Like her or hate her, that girl knew how to leave an impression.



*

Much later that evening, I sat at a long rustic table overlooking the bluff. From my seat, I took in the dark sea below and the Pythians’ ships, just small blotches of ink against the rolling current. Forty ships and a hundred men each. I picked at my meal and tried to concentrate on the conversation at hand. I needed to speak up. I watched the duke, all bulk and corn yellow braids, slip me suspicious glances over the lulls; he expected the old Ryiah, the one that declared wars.

I couldn’t declare anything with the coil of knots in my stomach now.

If you only knew what I intend to tell you tonight.

I listened as Darren continued on with the Crown’s plans, noting the formations Commander Audric had for the Crown’s Army and where the king wanted the Pythian ships. Baron Langli remained silent for most of the meal. He was apparently a man of leisure and the context was below his concern. Merrick tried to interject from time to time, but he was usually met with sharp barks of laughter from Cassius’s men. The Pythian had brought five of his best warriors to serve as his retinue, and they were just as sharp as the duke.

By the time the meal was over, I had lost what little appetite I had. The mounting pressure was causing panic to press in on my skull, and that little scrap of paper buried in the sleeve of my tunic was burning a hole against my skin. I kept wiping my sweaty palms against my breeches as discreetly as I could, but after the fifth time, I caught Paige staring at me with a raised brow.

Blast that woman for being so keen at observation.

I gave her a weak smile, and she pointed to my brow. I lifted my fingers and found it clammy and moist. I cringed and started to reach for a linen. Paige tossed me her own.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“We are all afraid.”

My gaze darted to the others, but they were all too engaged to hear us. The only one who wasn’t was Priscilla, and she was too busy drowning in her third glass of wine to notice.

“Even you?”

Her laugh was bitter. “Every breath I take.”

“I can never tell.”

“My mask is better than most.” The knight stared at me long and hard, and I grew uncomfortable under her stare. There was something she wasn’t saying. Did she suspect?

Two more flasks of wine were passed around the table, and I seized my opportunity, taking a page from my old nemesis herself. Desperate times called for desperate measures… or senseless measures or whatever they loved to say.

I downed a goblet of wine with gusto, waited ten more minutes, and then stood, letting my balance waiver as I picked my way across the room. Paige shot up to follow. Loyal to a fault.

“My lady—”

“And there she is, the second most formidable mage of Jerar.” Cassius chuckled as I approached the head of the table. “Here to assure I stick to my promise?”

“Or we will s-sset our fieldsss on f-fire…” I pretended to slur, feigning a stumble as my fingers caught on the ambassador’s cloak. A slip of paper fell into his lap and I laughed awkwardly as the man’s shrewd gaze shot to my hand. He knows. “S-sorry!”

Paige collected me by the arms and Darren cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I apologize, your grace. It’s been quite a long day for some of us.”

“Has it?” The man’s sharp gaze returned to me.

Darren turned to Paige. “Can you…?”

“Certainly.” My guard nodded and began to lead me away. I feigned an oblivious smile as we exited the hall.

Thank the gods for wine.

“You disappointed me.”

I looked up at Paige, blinking slowly.

“I didn’t want to be assigned to you. You were reckless and stubborn, and you never thought before you spoke. I wanted to be in the palace serving the king, and instead I was revisiting my youth, camping out in the forest with a princess-in-training.” The knight paused. “But then you kept sticking your neck out for others, and I realized you were different. You didn’t let that title change you. That day I found you outside the barracks, you wanted so badly to save us all. You wanted to find a way to beat the duke at his own game, and you refused to give up. You won the Pythians to our side and came in second during your Candidacy. You fought the Caltothians and tried to save Princess Wrendolyn during the attack. You never gave up on anything, you were brave…”

Guilt flared, and I swallowed painfully. You can’t tell her. You can’t.

“You have always been one to conquer your fears, but since your brother’s death, you’ve become a walking shade.” Her breath hitched. “I keep hoping you’ll turn it all around, given enough time, but—” She sighed. “—it’s like you’ve given up, Ryiah.”

I remained silent, not trusting my tongue to work properly if I spoke.

Paige helped me to my chamber and then paused at the door. “You’ve lost yourself, and I know it’s not my place to say it, but don’t be the girl I thought you were. Be the one that changed my mind.”

How can I tell her I still am?



*

I waited until the prince had stopped tossing and his breathing had slowed, deep slumber taking over as his chest rose and fell.

Then I tiptoed down the hall, darting past moon-streaked dips of light, slipping around dark columns and pools of darkness until I reached the eastern wing.