Joshua Healy (The Mitchell/Healy Family #10)(41)

“Please look at me, Josh. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore.”

“Stop this. I’m not messing around.” It’s becoming harder to speak. “I love peaches and sweet tea. That’s all.”

She slaps me. “Be serious.”

“Fine. I used to love you, until you tore my heart out of my chest. You made me a monster. I hate you.”

She tries to kiss me and I turn my head. “Josh, I need you. Please don’t do this to me.” She’s crying. “I need you. I need you to come back to me. It’s always been you, baby. I’m sorry I hurt you. We can be good again. This time we won’t have to hide. We’ll make it official. Be with me, Joshua Healy. Come back to me.”

I can feel that I’m getting emotional. It’s the liquor. Normally I don’t let me feelings show. “Please don’t make me tell the truth.”

Then it’s done. She knows. A smile forms across her face. Her shirt comes off first before she leans forward and brushes her lips over mine. “Tell me the truth, and I’ll make it up to you for the rest of our lives.”

“I can only choose one of you,” I explain. “She won’t hurt me.”

“Forgive me.” She places my hands on her hips and begins rocking. “Love me, Josh. It’s always been us. Remember our first time? You told me if I slept with you that you’d promise to marry me one day. I’m holding you to that promise, baby. I’m coming home to make things right. All you have to do is let this happen. Stop fighting what we both want.”

“Please don’t make me do this. I’m weak when it comes to you, Liv. She’ll never forgive me if I f*ck you.”

“You won’t need her now that I’m back.”

I’m still fighting it. “No. I do. I need her.”

“You need me.”

Liv stands. She grabs her shirt and starts running toward the barn door. I manage to sit up and look around the room. I feel like I’m dreaming, but I can’t be too sure. It’s the middle of the night, and I’ve been assured my parents wouldn’t let her near me. This can’t be real.

Just to make certain, I stumble out into the darkness and search for any signs of Liv. I follow the sounds of sobbing and find her sitting on the hard gravel out back of the barn. She sees me coming and covers her face. “Go away. You’ve said enough.”

“You did this, Liv. I waited for you. God damn it, I waited years. I sacrificed my own happiness because I swore you’d come back to me one day. You destroyed me. Go get married. Live your life. I’m done waiting for you.”

“But I’m here. Josh, I’m not getting married.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I’m moving back to North Carolina. It’s what you wanted.”

“You’re trying to trick me because I’ve been drinking.”

She stands and rushes toward me. My reaction time is off, so it’s hard to prepare for her to be up in my face. “I’m not trying to trick you.” She forces my hand into hers. “I’m real. It’s been months. I’ve missed you so much. I didn’t know what I lost until there was a chance I couldn’t get you back. Please don’t do this to us. Give me another chance.” She looks me dead in the eyes and says those words she’s never meant before. “I love you.”

I can’t stop myself. I know it’s wrong, and that it shouldn’t happen, but I’m helpless. She’s in my arms again. I’m pushing her up against the barn, lifting her while she’s reaching down and unfastening my belt. I’m angry. I loathe what I’m doing, but I have to f*ck her.

She tugs my pants down with her feet, and I do the same with her bottoms. We’re kissing but it’s rough and messy, our teeth clanking together quite a few times at first. Then it’s happening. I enter her, thrusting harder each time. I’m releasing years of pent anxiety. All the heartache and the pain is being washed away with each second. She’s destroying everything I care about and I know it.

The damage is done. It’s too late to take it back. I’m banging Liv up against the old barn where we’ve spent plenty of nights together. I’m taking the woman I promised to love for the rest of my life, and I f*cking hate myself because of it.



I wake up on the couch. I’m alone. It’s morning, and the sun is shining in through a window. When I hear the sound of the door I sit up and take in the surroundings. My dad walks up and hands me a cup of coffee. “I feel like shit. How about you?”

I’m confused. “I slept like shit. I had a dream I cheated on Tamsyn. No more bourbon before bed.” It’s not until I stand up that I realize something is off. My belt is missing.

Then my dad pulls something from his back pockets. “I found this outside. If you’re going to take a piss, don’t do it against the building. The sun starts beating down and then I’ve got to get the hose out to rid the smell.”

“Sorry,” I manage, all the while trying to think of any other way my belt could have ended up in the exact spot I dreamed of f*cking Liv. “You seen my cell phone?”

“You had it at the table last night.”

When I check it’s still in the same area. My stomach is in knots as I try to recap what was real and what wasn’t. I’m freaking out, but I refuse to let my father know. He’d kick my ass for messing things up with Tamsyn. Before she comes home, I’m going to have to face Liv and figure out what the hell happened, if anything.