Joshua Healy (The Mitchell/Healy Family #10)(30)
By the time we make it to the hole, we’re covered from head to toe in muck. We both take off our hats and sit them on the dirty vehicles. “That was fun! I thought you were going to get stuck in that one low area.”
“I can hold my own, thank you very much.”
She’s trying to wipe the filth off her cheeks, so I offer a hand. “Let me help with that.”
As I’m doing it, she peers into my eyes. “I shouldn’t want this with you, Joshua Healy. My gut tells me to run before it’s too late.”
“Is that what you want?” I hate asking, but I get why she’s scared, and why this conversation always seems to come up.
“Everything I’ve ever heard about you is different than the man I’m standing in front of. I don’t know what to believe. I’m scared shitless. Shaun hurt me. I’m still reeling over his betrayal, but this, whatever this is, I want it. You make my three year relationship with him seem like it was a waste of time. I know it’s only been about a week, but tell me I’m not going crazy. I’m certainly not some stalker girlfriend obsessed with falling hopelessly in love. You’re my first guy friend. I feel like I can tell you anything, and it makes no sense.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped, but in a good way. “Yeah, I get it. Trust me, I do. I’m a little confused myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve brought women home to meet my family, or more less annoy them. I’ve even hung out with some more than once, but it was for the sole purpose of sex. We never talked. I’m a selfish *, and I’ve been okay with it up until you’re ass climbed into my truck. Now I’m cleaning my room and doing everything I can to prove I can be right for you, if you’ll just let me try.”
“I don’t date, Josh. Sure, I go on dates, but what I mean is that I’m not interested in other people. I’m a one guy kind of girl. That’s how it is. You won’t change my mind. I don’t share. I hate being lied to, and I’m not interested in booty calls, contrary to what happened the first night we were together. I was tipsy and distraught and you were there, saving me, so damn hot and wanting me. It just happened.”
I trace my thumb over her lips. “I’m sure glad it did.”
“I’m afraid I could fall for you, and it scares the hell out of me, because I know you’re not the type of man who wants that kind of relationship.” She backs away. “Maybe we should be friends for now. Just hang out like this. I like seeing you. We have fun.”
“I can’t be your friend anymore, Tamsyn.” My jaw clenches. “You can’t take away what you’ve already given me.”
“What are you saying?” She looks at me with worried eyes. “Because I want a real monogamous relationship or just to be friends, you don’t want either?”
“I told you I’m selfish.”
She backs further away and looks out at the water instead of me. She’s upset, but I’m struggling to make sense in all of this. “I have to stop this before I won’t be able to. I’m just getting out of a relationship. I’m already emotional, Josh. I don’t like feeling helpless. I get that you don’t understand it, but I’m not a rag doll. I’m not over resilient. I can’t pretend this distraction will amount to something real between us, even if I think I want it to.”
I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around the front of her body, resting my chin on her shoulder. “What if it’s what I want too? What if I’m ready to see where we can take this?”
“We have so much in common, except the most important thing. I’m a one of a kind type of girl, and you enjoy freedom and selection.”
“Maybe I’m tired of it.” I adjust and take her hand, leading her onto the pier. She follows my lead as I sit on the edge with my feet dangling. “I’m going to talk to you about something I’ve never told anyone, because I’m hoping it makes sense.”
I think she can tell this is hard for me. She takes my hand and holds it tight, while waiting for me to start.
“When I was around eleven years old, Wes started coming back to town to visit his grandfather, which really meant we could hang out again. I’d gotten my best friend back, and that first summer he actually moved into the mansion so he was able to come to the ranch every day. There was only one problem with our plan. His kid sister had to tag along. Liv was no trouble, because she got along with Callie, so we pretty much ignored her. The next summer they showed up and I was no longer looking at that same flat chested little nuisance. She’d blossomed into a young lady, and from that moment on I was determined to make her mine. Granted we were children, but puberty got the best of me. We kissed after everyone fell asleep one night when we were camping in tents. We’d secretly made plans to meet in the woods. From that night on, we snuck around to make out as much as possible without our families finding out about us. It became our little secret. When she visited we’d mess around, each time going a little further than before. Then the summer ended and I thought I’d have to wait until the next year to see her.”
“You didn’t?”
“No. We’d been in touch through text messages and she’d talked about some party she was going to with her friends. You were probably there. It was the first time she ever told me she was interested in another boy. I freaked out. I got my friends to drive me two hours away to that party so I could see it for myself.” I pause for a second as my memories take me back to that exact time and place. “That was the first night we slept together. To this day Wes doesn’t know. He’s my best friend in the world, but I couldn’t tell him I slept with his younger sister.”