Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark #3.5)(19)

Q often did this.

Tested my willingness. Confident (until recently) in my steadfastness of never denying him. I’d only ever used the safe word once, and that was because he emotionally hurt me rather than physically. And the moment I’d said it, I wanted to take it back.

In fact, if it hadn’t been for Frederick helping snap Q out of it, and for Q giving himself up as the ultimate sacrifice to break my depression, I doubted we would be in such marital bliss. I would’ve walked out of his life and most likely ended up in a psychiatrist’s office for the rest of my days doing my best to get past it.

He didn’t understand how much I valued him for that. How much I hated myself for the silver scars I’d laced upon his face and chest when I lost myself to rage and whipped him.

I’d tied him to the bed and hurt him.

All in the name of returning to him.

If he could face his worst nightmare and permit me to almost kill him, then anything he asked of me was trivial. I would never hesitate. “Yes, I would. No question. Whatever you want, I accept. However, the moment it’s done, I want to know what you’re keeping from me. Promise.”

His eyes shadowed. “I still have a few days—”

“Promise, ma?tre, or…no deal.”

Dangerous, deafening silence fell between us. His head lowered, watching me from his darkened brow. “You’d say no to me?”

I was so in-tune with my husband—so used to his ferocity and inner demons that I felt them clawing at his control. I felt him struggling to accept my demands without punishing me for standing up to him.

Which was contradictory because this entire duel, I believed Q wanted me to disagree. To say no. He pushed and pulled. Wanting me to give in but secretly begging me not to.

What is going on inside his head?

Was he ill?

Was his business doing okay?

Were we okay?

What if he wanted a divorce?

My chest ached harder. What if he’d wanted to tell me for months but I’d arranged a stupid birthday celebration and made it impossible for him to deliver the truth?

Tears burned my vision even as I laughed at what a preposterous idea that was.

Q and I…we were fated. Custom created and thrown together by a world that tried to destroy us.

He wouldn’t toss me away.

He couldn’t.

He needed me just as much as I needed him.

Q stiffened as my thoughts completed their terrifying circle and settled back into acceptance of my place and the rock solid foundation of my marriage.

I wouldn’t be that woman who doubted and became contrary with her convictions. He was mine. Forever.

Whatever it was Q kept secret, it wouldn’t break us. That knowledge alone gave me the strength to not push and give him time.

Drifting forward, I held out my hand, cursing the slight tremble. I had the strangest urge to shake on our agreement even though he’d given me no such oath that he’d tell me what was bothering him.

Prowling toward me, Q ignored my outstretched hand and cupped my cheek. “Don’t ever doubt me, Tess. Never doubt us.”

My eyes locked on his mouth. “I know. And I don’t.”

He gave me a look as if to say he’d heard my previous thoughts, tasted my fleeting fear.

I dropped my gaze. “I had a second of weakness. That’s all. I love you, Q. If you need time…time is what I’ll give you. Along with whatever else you want me to do.”

His lips landed on my forehead in the sweetest sin-filled kiss. “I’m so glad to hear that, esclave.”

My nipples pebbled as he gathered me close, nipping at my earlobe. “Now go to the bedroom down the hall. Last on the left. It’s the prettiest I could find on this level.” His nose nuzzled my throat, making me listen with my heart rather than my ears. “I’ll be there soon. Take this and obey each instruction.”

His command made me wet and eager. My fingers curled around a small piece of paper as he tucked it into my hand.

The moment I’d accepted the page, he let me go and vanished out the door.





1. SILK BLINDFOLD (FROM the game last night)

2. Flogger

3. Needle

4. Black ink (all courtesy of my luggage)

5. 1934 Pol Roger Brut Champagne (thanks to Castelnaud-des-Fleurs)

6. And a present for Tess that I planned on using many nights to come (she hadn’t been the only one buying gifts secretly)



Thirty minutes after Tess left, I stalked through our temporary home and mentally ticked off the list, ensuring I had everything I required. The black satchel in my hand—that’d been hidden at the bottom of my suitcase—clinked softly with what I intended to do to Tess. What she would let me do because she was mine and tomorrow was my birthday.

I planned to spend all night and most of the early morning indulging in her.

What better way to grow a year older than spending it balls deep in my wife?

Tess knew I didn’t do puppies and petals. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t up to celebrating a night dedicated to love and connection.

By f*cking her.

By marking her.

By letting my beast out to play and escorting Tess into the darkness she coveted and came alive in. My little sparrow was the kinkiest plaything imaginable, and the moment I let myself off my tightly controlled leash, she met me bite for bite.