Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark #3.5)(18)

The men took the free loungers, and instead of demanding we go for a walk or head to the river below to fish, they all dozed in the sunshine.

Even Suzette and Angelique nodded off while I watched my family and thanked the universe for everything I’d been given.

Lunch was served outside. Delivered by the attentive servants and placed on convenient side tables at the perfect height for our loungers.

Q chewed the rustic bread and duck paté slowly, his French voice punctuating the cool afternoon as we shared harmonious company. “Good choice, Tess. This…it’s perfect.”

My skin shivered with delight that I’d been able to coerce and impress him.

He caught my eye, dragging me back to memories of last night and what he’d done. How he’d held me against the wall and stripped me. How he’d used the thick cord from the velvet curtains to truss my ankles to my wrists, keeping me wide and at his mercy. How he’d made me beg and taken his time after the quick session we’d had in the barn—making up for it with the luxury of pleas and commands.

By the time he’d finished with me, my ass was red from his palm, and multiple pleasure had melted my insides.

Q smiled, following my train of thought.

Flushing, I looked away, finishing my lunch before he could entice me back into his lair and ruin any hope of spending the rest of the day with friends. He was such a master of control. He kept my mind purely on him and our physical want for each other. The intensity between us didn’t give me space to worry about what he was hiding.

He has a few more days to tell me.

I just had to hope he kept his promise.

Once we’d devoured our lunch with crisp grapes and decadent cheese, we unanimously agreed a walk would be good now the sun had disappeared behind greyish clouds.

Even in winter, France was a heavenly vacation spot. We couldn’t sunbake in bikinis, but a jumper and jeans kept us perfectly warm. However, as we retreated inside to don walking shoes, jackets, and hats, we knew by the time we returned from our stroll, it would be glove and fire weather.

As we struck off two by two, I clasped Q’s hand and fell even more in love than I already was. Everything was going so well. Now, if only I could get him to tell me what was bothering him, everything would be perfect.

*

“I want to do something.”

I looked up from brushing my hair and getting ready for bed. “Do what?”

After our walk, we’d all opted for a light dinner of cold cuts and Eaton mess dessert before retiring to our separate quarters. Being outside all day had drained us, and I needed everyone to be energetic for tomorrow.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I even brought the gear with me…on the off chance you’d agree.”

Placing my hairbrush on the marble countertop by the sink, I turned to face him. “Agree to what?”

His nostrils flared as he stormed from the bathroom, heading toward the fireplace. “Fuck, don’t worry about it. I’ve already asked so much of you. It’s pointless after you’ve branded and marked yourself as mine.”

Scurrying across our castle bedroom with its old world mystique and history, my white negligee fluttered like wings around my legs. Goosebumps darted over my skin—partly from the cold, but mostly from Q’s hesitation. I wanted to wrap myself in the dressing gown spread out in preparation on the bed. But I didn’t pause. I went straight to Q.

Flames popped and crackled, spewing furnace heat. However, even with the roaring fire, the room was nowhere near as warm as our home.

Placing my hand on his tense forearm, I said, “No, you don’t get to do that. Yes, I’ve done those things. But I’m always open to more. I want to know. Tell me what you want to do. And while you’re at it, tell me what else you’re keeping secret.”

He glowered, breaking my hold on him. Pacing toward the window, he breathed hard. Condensation formed on the icy pane of glass. “You’re so demanding.”

“And you wouldn’t have it any other way.” I crossed my arms. “Now, tell me.”

Not glancing at me, he murmured, “It would mean pain, but well below your threshold.”

He deliberately ignored my attempt at finding out what he hid, focusing on the present worry.

Fine, I can be patient…I think.

“Have I ever given reason to hint that I’d say no to you?”

“No, and that’s maybe the point.” Dragging a hand through his hair, he turned to face me. “Don’t you think there should be more limits between us?”

“Limits?” My eyes shot wide. “What do you mean?” Once again, the fear that Q no longer wanted the kinky, violent world we indulged in slithered around my heart.

He said I’d kept him sick. That if I were any other girl who didn’t get off on pain, he would’ve found a way to fix himself and kill whatever monstrous urges tormented him.

But if I were a girl who ran from handcuffs and screamed at the sight of a whip, then Q would never have seen me. He would never have noticed my strength and will to fight him. We would never have given into each other or got married or shared so many years having fun and experimenting with all sorts of wondrously sexual things.

My heart ached. I rubbed at the spot on my chest. “Q—”

His hand slashed through the air. “Forget it, Tess. I’m not ready to talk about that.” Planting his stance wide, he growled, “Let’s stick to the matter at hand. I want to do this. It makes no sense. But I want to. Would you agree to it without knowing what it is?”