Jacked (Trent Brothers #1)(92)

My hair started to tingle from absorbing all of this at once. “You go to meetings?”

Adam let out a small sigh. “Not the public kind but yeah, I see a counselor twice a month. It’s part grief and part addiction, since things tipped when my partner got shot.”

“So no AA?”

“No,” he uttered.

Substance abuse was rampant in Philly; all of the doctors on staff were well versed with addiction and treatment plans. “Why not?”

He bristled at that. “Listen, when I say I’m dealing with it, you have to trust me on that. There’s no way I’m going back to that. No way.” He eyed me warily. “See, this is why I didn’t want to bring anyone into this; it already cost me too much. My shit forces the people around me to make choices and sacrifices, and that’s not fair. Not fair to you.”

He stood up abruptly. “I want this, Erin. I want you and I want to see where this goes because I think we could have a great thing between us. But what I want and what you need are two different things,” he muttered. “I thought you of all people would understand the crush that comes from the overwhelming stress of our jobs. Day in and day out, it’s never pretty.”

I watched him reach for his discarded jeans, fishing in the front pocket.

“Fuck. Here are your keys. I’m going to take a shower. If you’re still here by the time I’m done…” He dropped my keys in my hand and then raised my chin up. “Well, I hope to God you stay, but I understand if you can’t deal with it. At least I have the peace of mind knowing that you know. That I was honest.”

I was stunned. Utterly stunned. My mind was spinning in its own tornado of confusion, further muddled by the look of regretful despair on his face. What I had thought he was going to drop on me turned out to be a multi-layered confession. He flicked the light on in the bathroom, leaving the door cracked a few inches. I could see the well-defined triceps of one arm, then a gloriously bare ass as he tugged his boxers back off, leaving me in a perpetual state of lustful want. I sat in a stupor, hearing the shower water raining onto the enormous glass surround.

Did he think that having a character flaw was a deal-breaker for me? Was it? My head started to throb, but my heart didn’t feel like it was being ripped out of my chest anymore.

I could easily leave—leave him to his demons—tthough Lord knew I had my own legion of demons plaguing me. After all, I did wind up at a bar by myself and got drunk trying to get over the crushing stress.

I replayed his words—well, the ones I strategically picked out of his monologue—paying particular attention to the ones that described his current feelings for me.

The last twenty-four hours had been absolute hell. I hurt. My heart ached. But now I just felt angry.

I shoved the bathroom door out of my way and flung the shower door open, catching him with both palms flat against the tiled wall, the shower water raining down on his head.

Adam rolled his gaze over and shoved away from the wall. “Erin—”

“So that’s it? You f*ck my brains out then give me an ultimatum?”

He swiped his hair back. “Not an ultimatum. A choice.”

“A choice?” My voice came out a bit higher than I wanted it to. I also felt the need to give his dumb-ass a shove. “So that’s why you were being such a jerk this morning? Because you think I’m some raging party girl who gets f*cked up every Friday night?”

He gave me a curt nod. “I admit when I’m wrong.”

My eyes zoned in on his face, doing my best to ignore the water rippling down the contours of his body. “Do you get violent?”

“What?”

“Do I have to worry about you getting violent? Doing stupid shit, like punching walls and stuff?”

“No,” he said emphatically.

I crossed my arms. “Do I have to be worried that you might get abusive or hit me?”

Adam scowled at me. “I’ve never hit a woman in my life, Erin. Never.”

I stepped into the shower, water pelting me, soaking into my tee. “So if I get up in your face like this, you going to get rough with me? Continue to be an * to me?”

Adam growled, seized my upper arms, and spun me; my back pressed flush with the tiled wall. “You get up in my face like this, I’ll get rough.” As soon as he let go of my arms, my wet shirt was ripped up over my head and my intimidating cop was back in full force. He pinned my wrists to the wall above my head and cut off the rest of my rebuttal by shoving his tongue in my mouth. “I want you, Doc,” he announced on my lips, water pouring down both our faces. “More than anything I’ve wanted in a very long time. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, you’re all I f*cking think about.”

“You already said that,” I reminded.

He hands held me captive. “Maybe you need to hear it more than once.”

I tried to wiggle free. “Maybe, but—”

He pressed harder. “Then hear this. You’re in my veins, Erin. Understand? You’re twisted in deep now. I’d never hurt you. Never. Not even if you ripped my heart out.”

“Let go of me,” I ordered.

Adam’s hands instantly opened.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, needing his mouth back on mine. He gave it all back to me, biting and sucking my lips with equal force and desperation, sliding his hands all over my body.