Jacked (Trent Brothers #1)(91)

My worry was confirmed when Adam walked past me, avoiding making eye contact, and tagged his boxers off the floor.

I took a deep breath and threw self-preservation out the window, tired of walking on eggshells around moody men. “Everything okay?”

His deep breath was answer enough as he pulled his boxer briefs up. It was the sound of inhaled regret. I felt stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

As much as I’d hoped otherwise, I did misread our entire encounter. It was just sex, passionate, mind-blowing, life-altering sex, but regrettable sex for him, apparently. I heard the snap of his elastic waistband and then the bed dipped next to me.

He rolled his forlorn gaze over at me, that adoration I’d lost myself in was gone. “Listen,” he said hesitantly, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

I could tell whatever he was about to say wasn’t going to be something I’d want to hear.

He took a deep breath, obviously searching for the best way to let me down gently. “I know I owe you an explanation.” He rubbed his face, wiping his fingers over his lips. “God, this is hard. I should have been truthful with you before we…” His eyes flashed between us to the rumpled sheets, to me, then the floor. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

I waved a dismissive hand and braced for the worst, wishing I had my keys and coat and an exit strategy. Just admitting he didn’t want to hurt me was hurting me. Anger welled, hating him for ruining the best love-making encounter of my entire life. Disappointment scorched on top of that. I should have known better. Someone as gorgeous as Adam was probably a fantastic lay with whomever he was f*cking. That incredible experience wasn’t meant for me to take personally. “You don’t owe me anything, Adam.”

My jeans were draped over the chair in the corner. My heart broke into a million pieces just thinking about having to put them on, but I’d be damned before I let him or any man see me shed another tear.

Adam snagged me by my wrist when I tried to step past him. “Where you going?”

I steeled my shoulders and tried to jerk free. “Getting dressed.”

His eyes narrowed and his hand tightened. “Why? Erin, sit.”

“I need my clothes.”

“Erin.” His voice was severe, so was the grip he had on me.

Gone were the soft “babes” and other whispered sentiments. We were back to the formality of first names.

“Why? So you can give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech?” A small chuckle erupted, though this constant reality of my sad love life was far from humorous. “Save it. We both have busy lives and it’s cool. I understand, believe me.”

He huffed in frustration, glaring at me. “Jesus Christ. Jumping to conclusions pretty fast, don’t ya think?”

I tried to tug away. “Just say what you’re going to say.”

“You gonna sit the f*ck down and listen?”

I gave him my “I don’t think so” glare.

He tugged me again, this time with some force, pulling me across his body until my butt was sitting on the bed next to him.

I wanted to find my coat before he had a chance to go on.

“Listen, just hear me out. The other night… Damn it. I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t expect…” His head swayed. “This morning, I was angry. In my mind, I thought you were different, and then you went out and got f*cked up on alcohol. I can’t have that in my life, Erin.”

None of this made any sense. “Wait, are you still mad at me?”

“No,” he declared. “No, I’m not. I have no right to be upset with you. This is my problem. It’s me that has to deal with it, not you.”

He stared at me for so long, making me feel like I was missing some obvious point. “I’m confused,” I whispered.

Adam pried my fingers apart, lacing his with mine.

Is he placating me?

His head dipped, gazing at the floor instead of just gutting me with the obvious truth. The span of silence was almost deafening, waiting, imagining a thousand different responses that might tumble from his lips to spear me through the chest. It was almost too easy to imagine a young Adam, guilty and unwilling to admit to his mistakes, hoping that some dimpled-cheek charm might spare him from the repercussion of his misdeeds.

“After sharing what we just shared, I want you to know me, Erin, and that… well, that includes the ugly parts too. I can’t… I can’t bring you in or ask you for more, not without you knowing all of me. You have the right to know what you’re getting yourself into before we go any further, no matter how much I want you. It’s only fair. I care way too much about you to do that to you.” He drew in another deep breath. “But I know once I tell you, things between us are going to change.”

Now he was scaring me. “I don’t understand. What—?”

“I’m trying to explain. Shit.” He muttered another curse and then looked me straight in the eyes. “I have a drinking problem, Erin. Ever since my partner was shot, it’s been… rough. The job. The stress. It was hard to deal with it all. But I’m sober now. Been sober for ten months.”

Reality hit hard. “You’re an alcoholic?”

Adam shrugged slightly. “Hate that word. Hate thinking that something like that got the better of me. Some days are harder than others. But I’m working on it. I’m keeping clean, avoiding temptation. Channeling my frustrations with other things that are giving me back a sense of control. But that label is going to follow me and haunt me and spill over on whoever I’m with.”