Instead of You(20)

I stopped right outside the door and steeled myself. I pushed my shoulders back and took in a few deep breaths, blowing them out slowly. This was what I wanted: to return to normal, to try and force life to move forward, to deal. So that’s what I did. I walked into that classroom. Little did I know, nothing would ever be the same.





Chapter Eight


McKenzie


I walked to my desk, eyes cast downward, hair falling around my face creating my own little bubble. The day had been trying and this last hurdle was going to be the highest to jump over, the most difficult, so the more I could keep out, the better.

I could feel people staring at me, their gazes tingling all over my skin, their whispers burning in my ears.

But this was different. There were way more whispers than I had anticipated, and the air felt almost electric. Something more was going on.

I pushed some hair behind my ear and glanced up.

Mr. White was at the front of the room.

With Hayes.

Hayes had his back to me, hands braced on his hips, and he was listening to Mr. White.

It all started to make sense. Well, not all of it. I had no idea what he was doing there, but it explained why the room was absolutely supercharged.

He was wearing a white cotton shirt, like my dad wore to work, but his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. My eyes travelled down his arms, noticing every bulge in his forearms and the strength in his fingers as they gripped his waist. He wore caramel-colored pants and a dark belt. The fit of the shirt barely contained the breadth of his shoulders, stretching around his biceps.

I hated the fact that my pulse raced from just looking at him.

I didn’t know what he was doing there, but I was going to find out.

I walked to the front of the room, the whispers around me silencing instantly.

“Hayes?” I hated the way I said his name. It was hopeful and frail.

He turned when he heard me, and I was not prepared for what I saw. Hayes’s hair had always been longer than a typical “man’s” hairstyle. It was long enough to tuck behind his ears, but it was usually down, falling around his face until he swept it back with one hand, only to have it fall back down again.

Today it was pulled back into a neat-enough short ponytail. It had been years since that much of his face was on display for me to admire, and he’d changed a lot. His face was fuller, only emphasized by the ticking in his jaw as he clenched it. I noticed his eyes do a quick scan of my body, so I was hoping he didn’t notice me take in a sharp breath at the sight of him.

His cheekbones were broad; his jaw wider than I could remember. Perhaps it looked bigger with the stubble covering it. All the dark stubble only made his light pink lips stand out, which explained why my eyes were drawn right to them. Sometime in the last two years, Hayes had gone from being the boy I remembered growing up with to a man I couldn’t take my eyes off of.

When our gazes finally met, his eyes looked sad. The difference between his sad eyes and everyone else’s was that his eyes weren’t sad for me. They looked sad all on their own. And that made my hand itch to reach up to his face, to try to comfort him, do anything to make him look less broken.

“Miss Harris, I’m glad you’re here a few minutes early,” Mr. White said, pulling my attention from Hayes. “We should have a short discussion.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mr. Wallace is going to be taking this class over. He’ll be your teacher for the remainder of the school year.” My heart, which had previously been racing, stopped suddenly. Halted. “This has all come together very quickly, and although we know this isn’t the optimal situation, it’s the only solution we found suitable.”

“You’re my teacher?” I asked Hayes, my voice shaky and weak. It was then I noticed the red tie around his neck. It wasn’t tied terribly tight, loose enough that I could still see down the collar of his shirt. I spied his pulse pounding through the skin of his neck.

“Mrs. Anderson and Mr. White were kind enough to find room for me here. I need to finish my degree, but I can’t go back to school just yet.”

No, he really couldn’t. Mrs. Wallace was a mess. I immediately felt terrible that I hadn’t asked Hayes about school since he’d been home. I just assumed he was taking some time off, opting to stay in town to care for his mother. The decision to continue his schooling must have been a difficult one and I hated myself for not thinking about all the hurdles he’d been jumping.

The truth was, I’d been avoiding him. My mind was jumbled. I was constantly dealing with the sadness of losing Cory and the shame of feeling like I’d been given some sort of sick and twisted second chance. I hated myself most of the time. And I seriously hated myself whenever I remembered the way it felt to wake up in Hayes’s bed, and to feel his arms wrap around me.

Not to mention, for two years I’d been thinking about his lips pressed against mine.

So, I’d been avoiding him. And myself. And everything that didn’t help me erase the thoughts that were drowning me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he said quickly when I didn’t reply. “It all happened so fast and I just found out yesterday.”

I’m a shitty person.

“Hayes, don’t apologize, please. I’m just surprised.”

Mr. White cleared his throat. “I know there will have to be adjustments, and we’re all kind of winging this, but it’s still important to establish that Mr. Wallace is a teacher when he’s in this building, Miss Harris. So, let’s just be careful and make sure you’re addressing him as Mr. Wallace.”