Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5)(65)

That was if they wanted that in the first place.

Her brain hurt, as well as many other parts of her since she’d spent the morning throwing up and drinking way too much water so she could pee on various sticks of doom.

What would happen to this child? What kind of ridicule would he or she grow up with because Maya had been selfish to think that everything would eventually work out in a relationship between two men and her? She was going to ruin this child’s life because she told herself she’d take Jake as he was, no matter what. And in the process of that, she’d fallen for Border, as well.

She was as much of a slut, a whore, as people thought she was. Her family, as well as Jake’s, might be okay with what they were—even if she couldn’t describe it fully—but that didn’t mean the rest of the world would be. She’d seen the looks on people’s faces as she stood in line at the grocery store with her two men. She could feel the stares as she went out to dinner with both of them. Though they’d been very, very careful to keep it casual, they hadn’t been able to hide it all. There was a reason the three of them were explosive between the sheets—and in the shower, on the couch, on the counter—and that reason just meant it would be forever difficult for her, Jake, and Border to hide what they were.

And now she was pregnant, and she didn’t know who exactly had fathered her child. It could have been either of them, and if she were thinking a little clearer, she’d know that deep down, both of them would claim the child as their own. Or perhaps, that was just wishful thinking. They were still so new that they hadn’t discussed what would happen if she got pregnant. They hadn’t even discussed if she would move in, or what Border’s new job would be.

Hell, they’d been so focused on not rocking the boat, they’d knocked the damn thing over… as well as knocking her up.

Bile filled her mouth again, and she sniffed, refusing to let the tears fall. She was Maya freaking Montgomery; she would not cry. Crying was for the weak.

And if she truly believed that, she wouldn’t be a Montgomery.

Yet, if she cried, it would make it all that much more real. She put her empty hand on her stomach and closed her eyes. This can’t be happening, she told herself once again. Why couldn’t she wake up from this dream, this nightmare?

She pinched her arm and cursed when all she ended up with was a red mark and the twinge of pain that told her this was all too real. There would be no waking up from this. There would only be the consequences of her decisions.

In all her life, she never thought she’d be one of those girls that ended up pregnant accidently. She’d thought she was smart, untouchable. She’d been on birth control not only to regulate her periods, but because she damn well liked sex, and had since she was seventeen. She always used condoms except with Border and Jake. And when the freaking condom had broken, she’d told herself her birth control would handle it so she hadn’t even looked into the morning-after pill.

Because of her lack of planning and poor decisions, she would be having a baby in nine months, and she still didn’t know where she stood with the two men in her life.

Maya knew there were other options to take care of this. Adoption and abortion, for sure, but honestly, she knew that neither of those were for her. She couldn’t end this pregnancy because she was out of sorts. If she’d been younger, unsure of herself and her position in the world, that might have been an option. The same could be said of adoption at that point.

But she wasn’t some twenty-year-old college student without options. Just because she didn’t know who the father was or how Border and Jake would react, didn’t mean she had to make rash decisions.

And yet, as she put her hand on her stomach once more, she knew she couldn’t give this up, couldn’t stop what had come to her and changed her so quickly. She was going to have a baby.

What she would do with that? How she would cope? She had no freaking clue.

The sound of a door slamming brought her out of her thoughts, and she sucked in a breath. She scrambled up, the pregnancy tests scattering across the floor. She cursed and tried to gather them up, but she’d been an idiot and had taken too many. The guys couldn’t find out now, couldn’t find out this way. Tears finally slid down her cheeks, and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. There wasn’t enough time. She never had enough time.

She threw four of the tests away and was about to pick up the other three when the bathroom door opened. Fuck her for not locking it, but she’d been in a state and numb. Not to mention, this was her freaking apartment.

“What’s up, baby?” Jake asked before he froze. His gaze landed on the multiple tests in her hands and the others sticking out of the trash. She was kneeling on the floor, tears running down her face, her hair disheveled and panties dangling around one ankle since she’d been a little stressed during the last few rounds of tests.

He called me baby, she thought. Baby. Oh, there was a baby all right, and it wasn’t her. And maybe if she hadn’t been having a panic attack or stroke at the moment, she’d have said something like that to diffuse the tension. Instead, she opened her mouth like a fish and tried to suck in air.

It didn’t seem to be working too well.

Border slid in behind Jake and looked down at her state before meeting her gaze. She blinked, trying to come up with words, but couldn’t seem to think of anything to say.