Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5)(28)

Jake’s eyes widened. “What?”

She shook her head. “I can’t f*ck up what the two of you could have. I could see it, Jake. I’ve always seen it. I don’t want to break that up or stand in the way. But I’ve been thinking, too. It’s not just you who’s noticed things have changed. Even if I wanted to hide my head in the sand, which is totally not like me, I knew things were changing.”

Jake couldn’t breathe, couldn’t quite think. Her presence in his life over the past few months came to him, and he wanted to hit himself for being so careless, so horrible. “You…you’ve been so quiet. So withdrawn. And I didn’t notice.”

Maya gave him a small smile. “You were trying to make something work. And I understood, even if it hurt. That was on me, Jake. Not you. Though at the time, I kind of wanted it to be on you, as well.”

“What does this mean?” Hope dared to fill him, and he tried to ignore it.

“I don’t know exactly. But…I’ve been thinking that maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to choose? This is so weird, but not quite as weird as it should be.”

“What are you saying exactly?”

She met his gaze. “That we should figure this out. The three of us. Or rather, you and him and then you and me. Just the three.”

Jake’s hands shook. “I…I don’t know if Border’s okay with that.” But he did. Border had said as much, hadn’t he? And what had that look Border and Maya shared before meant?

“Like I said, the three. We figure it out, Jake.”

“Have you ever been in a ménage?” he asked suddenly, not knowing where the thought had come from.

Maya let out a dry laugh. “Not a lasting one. You know I’ve been with two men at once. We talked about it after tequila that one time. But I know of ménages that work in real life. In fact, a woman that works with my cousin in New Orleans lives in a permanent bisexual ménage.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if we’re quite there yet. I think I need to be in a room with Border longer than ten minutes to figure that out.”

“It feels weird to talk about this without Border here,” Jake said after a moment.

“Then we wait until he comes back for us to talk about that part of what might happen.”

“So, you and me? Is this going to happen?” Clear and concise. As long as they put it all on the table, they could do this.

“Are you talking about sex? That we should only have sex? Or what?”

“I’m not saying that.” Though images of him and Maya having sex filled his mind and he had to swallow hard to settle himself.

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying if it was just sex, I wouldn’t be with you.” He winced. “I wouldn’t risk what we have for just sex.”

“But that means whatever we do, whatever this is, it’ll be a thing. Something serious. Something that means more than kisses and whatever else might go on. It’s a big step, Jake.”

“I’m not saying that either,” Jake bit out, confused as hell.

“Sure sounds like it.”

“I’m saying that if we have sex, there will be feelings. No matter what. Our roles as friends, as best friends, have responsibilities. And one of those is to be aware of those feelings. I’m not just talking about broken hearts and what could become of this, of us, I’m talking about everything.”

“So it’s more than sex, more than just wanting each other.” Maya paused. “And whatever could happen with you and Border later.”

“Of course, it is.” Jake sighed. “It’s you and me, Maya. We’ve always been a duo in a way. So much so that everyone thinks we’re already together as it is. It’s you and me,” he repeated. “But I’m also not taking you to the altar right now either.”

Maya’s eyes widened. “Fuck, dude. We’re not…I mean…hell. This is confusing.”

“I know. It’s murky, and pretending it’s not insults us both.”

“And what about Border?” Maya asked. “Because if we’re talking about things being murky, then he’s part of that.”

“Border is part of it. Part of the past and…now…f*ck. See? It’s all too much?” Jake shook his head. “Maybe we need to take a step back and figure things out because I feel like I’m scrambling here.”

Maya was quiet for so long that he was afraid he’d lost her. “Then let’s not complicate things. Let’s do what we should have done before and not think too hard.”

Jake scowled. “We have to think.”

“Then f*ck me.”

Jake met her eyes and blinked. “That’s the whole problem right now. Fucking. Feelings. All of it.”

“Fuck me and know that it’s more than sex because I love you like my best friend. And we will see what happens. But know that I’m always going to love you like my best friend. Meaning, whatever happens, whatever happens, I’m not going away. Things won’t change on that end.” She clenched her jaw. “They won’t.”

“They can’t change,” Jake said after a moment. “I won’t let them. Other things will change. But what we had? Our foundation? That won’t change.”