Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5)(24)

Jake’s chest heaved, and Border wanted to punch his pretty face for saying all the right things even though they were all wrong.

“Oh, shut the f*ck up. I didn’t leave because you were a dude. I left because I fell in love with you, you prick. I left because I might have been twenty, but I wasn’t a man yet. My dad would have killed you if he’d found out. You get that, right? He would have killed you because he wasn’t able to kill me, even though he sure as hell tired. If he hadn’t killed himself thanks to the booze, he’d still be trying. I left because I didn’t know who I was without that man trying to beat me down, and that wasn’t a man worthy enough of you. So, yeah, I left. I did it a shit way, and I can’t take that back, but I’m here now, and you can’t seem to face the fact that I am.”

Jake took a step back, his eyes wide. “We were adults, Border. He couldn’t have touched us.”

“You know how he was, so don’t lie to yourself. And, Jake? You never said anything. You never told me what you felt. For all I knew, I was in love with you and you just liked f*cking me to make the women we were with hot for us. I. Didn’t. Know.”

Jake paused for so long, Border was afraid he’d f*cked up again. “I…I didn’t know either. I’m bisexual, Border. I’m not afraid of the label.”

Border let out a breath and closed his eyes. “I’m bisexual, too. We were young and stupid and didn’t know what we were doing. We’re older now, but I still don’t think we know what we’re doing.”

“I thought I did,” Jake said simply. “I thought I was figuring it out, at least. I had a job, a home, and a girl I thought I could marry.”

“You didn’t love her, Jake, and we both know it. Holly knew it.”

Jake’s jaw clenched. “So she said.”

“She also said something about Maya.” He needed to meet this woman; the one that actually held Jake’s heart and not the one Jake had thought would be good enough. Because there was something there, something Border needed to deal with. There was something in the back of his mind, an idea he couldn’t quite grasp when it came to the three of them, but he needed to figure it out.

“Shut your mouth about Maya. You don’t know her. You don’t understand.”

“You want her, Jake. I can see it when you say her name.”

“She’s my best friend,” Jake bit out.

“And I don’t doubt she is, but you want her.”

Jake growled, “And you’re saying I want you, too? Is that what you’re saying?”

Border tilted his head. “Do you?”

“Fuck you, Border. You can’t come here and change who I am. You can’t just mess everything up.”

“Things seemed to be falling apart already without me.” He was being an *, he knew it. But if he didn’t force Jake to face his thoughts and fears, there would be no moving on.

“Fuck. You.”

The fist to the jaw shouldn’t have surprised Border, but it did. His head shot back, and he winced, rubbing a hand over his chin where Jake had punched him.

“Feel better?” Border asked. He ran his tongue over his teeth to check if any had come loose. The damn man could hit hard.

Jake shook out his hand. “No. Your jaw is like granite.”

Border snorted. “Not so much, but thanks.”

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here,” Jake said after a moment. “And you being here isn’t helping.”

Something kicked Border in the chest, but he did his best not to show it. “You want me to go? I can. But I’m not leaving the city. We need to talk.”

“I thought we just did,” Jake snapped. “What the hell do you want, Border?”

“You,” he bit out then wanted to hit himself. Well, now there was no going back, even if he’d f*cked it all up. “I want you, Jake.”

Jake went pale for a moment, and Border held back a sigh. Not the best reaction he could have hoped for when he told the man he wanted his feelings.

“I don’t know what I want, Border,” Jake whispered. “I…it’s been a long time.”

Border stood straight and moved toward the edge of the counter so he could give Jake some space. “I see.” And he did. He’d been gone too long, and he’d f*cked up.

Jake reached out and gripped Border’s forearm. “No, you don’t see. I’m messing this up. You came back out of nowhere, but that’s not really the case, is it? You’ve always been here in some ways. You’ve been calling me off and on since you left.” Jake met Border’s eyes. “And I’ve needed those calls, Border. Even if they killed me.”

Border swallowed hard. “I needed them, too.” He closed his eyes. “But you need Maya, too.”

Jake pressed his lips together. “We’re friends.”

“So were we,” Border countered. “Don’t lose out on her because you’re scared.”

“And what about you?” Jake asked, his voice low.

Border’s pulse beat in his ears, and he took a deep breath to try and control himself. That tingling thought in the back of his head came full center, and he wanted to call himself crazy. He hadn’t even met Maya yet, but he was about to do something monumentally stupid anyway.