Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5)(17)

When he opened the door, he wasn’t sure if he should have been concerned or relieved. Holly stood on the doorstep, her lip between her teeth and a worried look on her face.

“Hey, can I come in?” she asked.

Jake stepped out of the way so she could move inside. He didn’t lean down to kiss her or pull her close. Something was off, and frankly, he wasn’t sure how he was going to start the conversation they clearly needed to have.

Tension radiated off her, and Jake frowned. “What’s wrong, Holly?” He helped take her coat, but before he could put his hand on her shoulder, she shuffled away.

When she turned and met his gaze, Jake froze. Tears coated her eyes, but she hadn’t let anything fall down her cheeks yet. In fact, she looked…determined now.

“I don’t think this is working, Jake.”

He blinked, shocked, but not as hurt as he should have been by her words. She was breaking up with him? The day he’d finally decided to be true to his feelings and not hurt the woman in front of him. But with the tears in her eyes, maybe he’d already done that. Well, hell. He hadn’t planned on this, hadn’t seen it as a possibility. He was the one who was going to break her heart, not the other way around. Though would that happen? Could she break him when she’d never had him? When he’d never allowed her to have him?

Hell, he was a f*cking idiot, angry because she was the one doing this and not him. There was something fundamentally wrong with him if these were the thoughts he was having instead of freaking out that she was going to leave him.

The silence spread between them as he wrestled his thoughts and swallowed hard. “What isn’t working?” He knew what wasn’t working, but he needed to say something.

Holly gave him a sad smile and the sheen in her eyes cleared. “You know what I’m talking about. I shouldn’t have let this go on for as long as I have, but I thought that maybe…” she sighed and shook her head. “Well, let’s just say I thought that one day I’d be enough.”

Jake took a step toward her, hand out. “Holly…” He felt like a f*cking heel. All this time, thinking he was doing his best, it seemed it wasn’t good enough.

She stepped back and held up her hands, palms out. “No, don’t touch me, okay?”

He froze his brows raised. “I’m not going to hurt you, Holly.”

“But you kind of already did,” she said then cursed under her breath. She didn’t curse often, but when she did, it was usually because it was important. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m the one that allowed myself to be hurt by you.”

“That’s not how this works, Holly. I hurt you, and I didn’t mean to. This isn’t about you allowing me to hurt you in the way you’re thinking.”

“Well, either way, I should have stepped away. I like you, Jake. You’re sweet, caring, and just a good guy. I thought that eventually we could find a future together, but that’s not going to be.”

“I’m sorry, Holly.” He might have felt like he should have been the one saying these things, but Holly looked like she needed to. It was the least he could do. But still, he should have been the one to do it. Because what would that mean to…others…if they knew he hadn’t been the one?

Fuck.

He pushed those thoughts from his mind.

“It’s okay, Jake,” Holly said and smiled again. He loved her smile, but he didn’t love her. And that was on him. “You need to be with your heart, and I’m not it. I’m not going to say it doesn’t hurt that I’m not it, but I should have stopped this a long time ago when I first figured it out.”

He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

She shook her head and sighed. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Look closer, Jake. Look at the person at your side. The person that isn’t me. She is everything for you, and you’re not doing anything about it.”

Jake’s mouth opened. Closed. He couldn’t think of a damn thing to say.

“Tell her how you feel, because standing off to the side for the rest of your life isn’t fair to either of you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve always been here. I’ve never cheated, never been with someone else.” Panic set in, and he tried to push it away, only to have it claw at him again.

“I know that. I know that you never once acted on the feelings you’ve tried so hard to repress. But you love Maya, Jake. She’s your best friend, and yet I know there can be something more than that.”

She paused, as if trying to figure out what to say next while Jake felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. He’d never said the words aloud, and frankly, never wanted to. Because if he did, then the fragile hold he had on his sanity would be lost.

“Holly…” His voice cracked.

“Tell her, Jake. And I don’t know exactly what happened with Border in your past, but face that, as well. Hiding everything in your life will only hurt you in the process.” She moved toward him and put her small hand on his chest. He swallowed hard but didn’t move, couldn’t move.

When she reached up to kiss his chin, he blinked back tears. What the f*ck was happening to him?

“Be happy, Jake. That’s all I want for you. I’ll find my happiness. I thought I had it, but if I had to think that hard, then it wasn’t meant to be.” She moved away and went toward the door. “Don’t wait too long, Jake. Don’t lose what could be.”