Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5)(16)

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Luc asked as he wiped his mouth. He was a decent looking guy, and Meghan was a lucky woman. All dark skin and tight muscles. Even being laid up after having been shot hadn’t hurt the way Luc moved or looked.

“Not too much,” Jake said smoothly.

Griffin snorted. “Well, we know you’re a bit empty-headed, but why don’t you tell us why you have that strain around your eyes.” Griffin looked like the other Montgomerys, dark hair, and bright blue eyes. He wasn’t as bulky as some of the other guys, but perhaps had more ink than all but Austin. Maya always joked that she had one side of her of brother’s body to work on while Austin had the other. The resulting artwork was a masterpiece.

Jake shook his head, wondering why he was thinking about Griffin’s ink rather than his words.

“Jake,” Luc said softly. “Tell us what’s going on.”

“I’m fine.” He wasn’t, and yet he didn’t know how to put his thoughts and feelings into words. He wasn’t good at that, or at least he wasn’t without talking to Maya about it first. And that was one of the problems. He relied on Maya too much. She was his best friend, and yet somehow she’d become so ingrained within him that he didn’t know how to function without her.

“You’re lying,” Griffin stated plainly while stealing the last spring roll.

“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Does it have anything to do with the fact that someone slept in the guest room last night?” Luc asked, and Jake stiffened.

“What?”

Griffin shrugged. “Someone folded the blanket at the end of the bed differently.”

“How the hell do you notice things like that?” Jake shook his head.

“I’m a writer, it’s my job to notice things like that,” Griffin answered.

“No, you’re usually in your own head since you write fiction, not investigative reporting,” Jake shot back.

Griffin flipped him off. “I’m not that bad.”

“You are,” Luc filled in, “but we’re also getting off-topic. Who stayed here last night, and what the f*ck is going on with you, Jake? You’re not yourself.”

Jake swallowed hard. “It was an old friend of mine. And I’m not really in the mood to talk about it. In fact, I don’t even know what to say to begin with so let’s just drop it, okay?”

The guys studied his face before going back to their lunch, and Jake relaxed a fraction. If they could see something was wrong, so could everyone else. He didn’t even want to think about what Maya would see. She always saw everything.

And Holly.

Fuck. And Holly.

He wasn’t being fair to her. He kept telling himself that he would propose, and they would go riding off into the sunset and all that crap because it was what he needed to do. Or, at least what he thought he needed to do. Only it wasn’t right. He liked her, and if he let enough time pass, he might even fall in love with her.

But he wasn’t in love with her yet.

And he knew the only way that would ever happen is if he pushed the two people from his past firmly out of his thoughts and his life.

Fuck. It wasn’t as if Maya and Border had ever met. They weren’t two sides of his coin, but rather, two parts of his past and now his present. He’d always thought Maya would be a part of his future, but not in the way he had once wanted.

And now…and now it was all too much, and he knew if he didn’t do something, he’d hate himself. He’d hate the way he’d eventually treat Holly and the way he’d treat himself.

He’d have to end it with Holly. There was no other way. He wasn’t that much of an *, and yet if he continued on this path, he would become a man he didn’t recognize, a man he despised.

Jake didn’t know why Border was there or what would come of it, but he knew it wouldn’t be what he’d once wanted. And as for Maya? They’d firmly placed themselves in friendship territory, and that was where they would stay. However, no matter what, he knew he couldn’t be with a woman he truly didn’t love just because he thought he had to settle.

Because that was something that would break Holly. She was a nice girl. Happy and radiant. And one day, she would make some guy a very happy man. He was just not that man.

He let out a breath, his stomach aching but not quite as much as it had before, and stood up on slightly shaky legs.

“I, uh...I need to get back to work.”

The two men studied him before nodding and helping him clean up. They said their goodbyes, leaving Jake alone in his house with a new resolution settling over his skin.

He could do this because if he didn’t, he’d break them all.

Jake went back to work, knowing his mind wasn’t truly into his art, but he could at least do some parts without being fully into it. By the time the sun had set, his back ached, and his heart hurt, but he was resolved.

The doorbell rang, and Jake let out a breath. It could be anyone, but he had a feeling it would be one of the three people in his mind—Holly, Border, or Maya. Holly wouldn’t just come into his home even though he’d told her she could. That might have been a warning sign for the relationship, but he pushed that thought away. Maya used to walk in whenever she wanted but had stopped doing that once Holly started to stay over. Once again, another warning sign he’d ignored. As for Border? Well, he didn’t know this Border now, did he?