Imperial (Insight #8)(61)
“Now there, Glory, you’re a beautiful soul, pure at your core. No father of yours would ever plot this course the way you see it.”
“Black and white.”
He leaned forward on his knees and gazed at the sleeping body of Silas. After a pause, he glanced to his side at me. “Mazing.”
“Yeah. He was hers.”
“Seems like ‘is.’”
I moved my head from side to side. “His actions now will destroy her.”
“Does he know that?”
“No, and even if he did it would not matter because he has to feel for another and have that emotion returned in order to hold his charge.”
“Feel?” he questioned.
I cringed. “Yeah. Something my race cannot do. Even if he came to the past that he belongs to, Mazing could not return the emotion he needs in order to fight.”
“Are you sure of that?” he asked, leaning back and adjusting his position on the seat to a more comfortable one.
“Very.”
“I see. I’m right in assuming that you are saying that your dear friend Mazing cannot feel love?”
I balled my fist. “Right.”
“Well, that’s impossible.”
“Trust me, it is not.”
“I’ve stood in her presence. She has a soul.” I glanced at him with questioning eyes. “A soul is love; that is what it is made of. Mazing can love this boy...I would dare say that she does.”
“I’m going to be blunt with you, Cowboy. I was created to rise above that uniform of souls. I guard them, take away what they can’t handle. We cannot feel such an emotion or even state it because if we connect and are later hurt, it will hurt them.”
“What rule book are you reading from, Glory?” he asked with sadness in his tone.
I looked to my side at his waiting sky blue eyes, framed with the cutest little wrinkles. I reached to pat his leg. “An old one.”
“Authored by?”
“Those that came before me.”
“And I assume you trust them?”
“Not all of them.”
“The ones that you do trust, what do they say about this?”
I moved my eyes back to the field. After a long pause, I answered, “I am a sovereign, and this issue has to do with my line of souls. I have no need to discuss it with anyone.”
“Is that a blush I see?” he said with a chuckle. “You love him.”
I tensed and glanced to my side at him, then rigidly kept my stare on Silas. I wasn’t sure what ‘him’ he was referring to, and it didn’t really matter anyhow.
“You only trust one, and you trust him because you love him. You loved him the first instant you saw him.”
“Cowboy, tread carefully. I’m already in a foul mood.”
“Well, I would be, too, if I was too stubborn and afraid to say what I feel, if I buried myself behind an armor of anger, not daring to let anyone see the real me.”
“I cannot say or feel what you speak of.”
“Do you honestly think that you can tell yourself not to? That emotions can be turned off or on at will?”
“I’ve turned off quite a few.”
“You altered them; you didn’t turn them off.”
“Whatever.”
“So Mazing loves that boy in the field. More than likely, considering how teed off she was last I saw her, she has no idea he is alive. And you, too, are in love with a man.”
I wondered for a second how Mazing would react to this. Silas’ vessel did not look the same as Colton’s. I wondered if she would even notice. Then I thought over how amped up she became each time I went to speak to Silas and she was shielded. I suppose it wouldn’t matter. I also knew that telling her, letting her see him, would do nothing more than hurt her more deeply. Death would separate them once more.
“I’m alive. Therefore, I do not feel that emotion.”
“On the contrary, maybe you are alive because you do feel such an emotion.”
I was only vaguely paying attention to him now. I kept trying to figure out what would be the right thing to do for Mazing, if she should know this or not.
“Tell me, Cowboy, at death what is the biggest regret?”
“You want me to be blunt?”
My soul seized for some odd reason. “Yes, that would be nice.”
“They regret not telling the ones they left behind how much they loved them. That is the only request the Reaper hears over and over again.”
“You could hear what they said?” I asked, furrowing my brow. I’d watched that procession more times than I could remember. The words spoken to the Reaper were silent to my ears. I could only hear his response.
“How could you not? Were you not listening?”
There was that seize again, and no reason at all to feel it.
“Tell me again how you have forsaken your Father, how that has anything to do with that boy in the field, and Mazing.”
“They are in my care. Children, if you will. I was supposed to guard them, lead them, be the example and restore my race; instead, wrath and stubbornness consumed me. I lost everything, and whilst talking with the likes of the dead, evil was created. There is no way out now. He is clearly telling me that I have no options, that this race is over.”