Image (Insight #3)(47)

The image of myself released my shoulder and looked remorsefully at me. I knew then that I was Jayda’s descendant - not Landen and Drake; their descendants never knew that the children weren’t moved from their place of birth. The images of me moved before me, blocking the view of the children - and the pain the evil angel was giving to Landen and Drake. In my voice, I heard them say, “The darkness will consume the blood of Jayda and subdue their power.”

I was the blood of Jayda that would consume me; it would take over my heart. The angel knew that neither Landen nor Drake would be able to end my life. In an instant, understanding came across my face, and the images of me faded away - taking Preston and Libby with them. The darkness that was moving between Landen and Drake at the evil angel’s request was growing larger and hesitating longer. I looked in its coal-dark eyes and smiled, and my hand was steady as I raised the knife. As I turned the blade to my chest, my heartbeat slowed; I then took a deep breath and slowly, gently slid the blade into my chest. I felt the ground tremble beneath my feet and heard a horrified scream as I fell to my knees and gradually closed my eyes.

Chapter Twelve
I think everyone has heard the stories of what happens when you die: the white light, the tunnel. We’re told it’s painless, blissful. It must be different for everyone, though, because I didn’t see a light or a tunnel; I felt pain.

As my last breath moved through me, my body seemed to scream out in protest. I felt cold, disoriented, and everything I’d ever done or said moved before me. I saw and felt the laughter of childhood, the fear of my nightmares, the joy of family and friends. I felt the impatience that’s always surrounded me.

The moment I first saw Landen in the flesh came to me, and I relived every second we’d shared together, feeling my emotions, his emotions, as if for the first time. The times I was alone with Drake came to me, and the fear, anger, and sorrow I felt for him over the last few months rushed through my soul. My whole life as Willow Haywood was relived in just a few seconds.

Then my perspective changed. I saw my life through the eyes of the ones around me. I was standing in judgment, and I was the judge. As the images began with me being a little girl, I didn’t fear them because I’ve always thought that I knew exactly how I affected the people around me. I could feel their emotions - what more could there be? I was wrong; we impact those around us on a level deeper than emotions. The emotions are just the end result - but before the emotions come forth, the soul, mind, and body take in all that they’re given of the world around them; the three don’t have to agree for an emotion to come to life. Oftentimes, the mind and body are at war, and the soul plays the role of peacemaker.

I could see how in my childhood my distance to the ones around me made me seem cold. I could feel how nervous Dane and Olivia were when they tried to become my friend; through their eyes, I saw them deciding not to be afraid of me, to take a chance. I felt the worry my parents have always shielded from me; my father, it seems, had mastered concealing his fear for my life years ago...I saw my distance cut him in two...I wanted to go back – to be a little girl again. I wanted to smile, I wanted to tell my parents that I loved them and that their decisions never brought me harm; their love was all I needed to get to Landen.

The first moment I saw Libby in my mother’s arms came rushing to me. I’d forgotten the first emotion I’d felt: jealousy. It wasn’t of Libby - it was of my mother; I felt that she was now in care of what was once mine. My soul cried; I was angry that I’d forgotten that. If I’d chosen to remember, I would have discovered long ago that she once belonged to me and Landen - and I would I have saved myself from the worry of not knowing if Landen was real, as well as from the fear of not finding him.

Landen...my perfect Landen...I saw him as infant, as a child, as the man he is today. I felt a perfect love; it didn’t matter what I said or did - his love was unconditional, complete. I felt the joy he had each time we dreamed together before we met. I felt his anxiety as he searched for the beacon that would lead him to me, as well as the overwhelming relief he felt when he found me. Though he was bothered by the secrets that were kept from the both of us and the uncertainty of our past and future, he didn’t care; all he knew was that with me he was complete, invincible. The emotion we felt when we joined as one couldn’t compare to how felt from this perspective. I knew then that it didn’t matter if I had a body on earth or not; we would always be one, for all of eternity.

I lived through his family as they met me for the first time. They were overjoyed for Landen; they felt that he’d proven to them that, in this universe, love is a power that can’t be hindered.

I’ve always thought that Landen’s mother, Aubrey, was beautiful and strong, but I never realized how much she loved us until now. She wanted nothing more than to lead her son to me.

I saw Clarissa, his sister, willing to sacrifice everything to protect Landen, to send Dane to defend us; she thought that if Landen and I were ever taken from each other, soulmates throughout the world would morn and have doubt for the first time.

Brady, Landen’s brother – who was almost identical to him in every way – had always seemed brave to me. Willing to defend his baby brother at any cost, he proved to be even more loyal than I’d ever imagined. I heard conversations between him and Felicity; they’d decided to be the source of calm, balance, and protection we needed.

Ashten, a man who always seemed reserved and protective, had shielded who he truly was from both me and Landen. He was afraid, afraid that he’d not only lose Landen, but also everyone he loved. He didn’t trust any decision he made. I wanted to tell him that we loved him and that we are all imperfect, that fear only has the power we give it.