Ice (Elite Forces #1)(35)
“I’m struggling, Jason. I need you to give me strength to get through this. You already know what happened, what I did. There’s no need for me to tell you. I love my job and what it stands for. I would kill that young boy all over again to save my team. It’s just… I can’t get the image of how young he was out of my head. It’s haunting my soul. It’s tragic and I’m scared.” My forehead goes to the cold stone and I cry. I’m so tired, weak, and drained.
I’m not sure how long I stay there with my head up against his headstone with fond memories imploring my mind. It’s dark on a warm night with a million stars in the sky by the time I gather myself and thank my brother for listening. It’s a figment of my imagination upon walking away when I hear his speech reaffirm what I already know.
“You’ll get there, Jade. The hardest part about war is the battle we have within ourselves. We struggle with it daily. For some it may never go away, but for you it will. You have to believe it, believe in yourself, believe in your country, and don’t shut people out.”
I turn my phone on the minute I get into my car, checking my messages before I leave to go see my parents. I’m surprised when there is one from Harris, and one from my roommate, and none from Kaleb. A part of me is hurt that he never called or texted to check up on me, while the other part is somewhat relieved. Maybe he’s going to give me the space I asked for and let me figure this out on my own.
I check the voicemail from Mallory first. “I’m going to kick your ass. How dare you come home and not call me first? You better call me right now, Jade Elliott, or I will snap your tiny ass in two. Call me now!” I laugh at her obnoxious behavior. The bitch knows how this shit works. Hell, her father is a retired officer from the Navy. I listen to Harris’ message through my Bluetooth as I pull out of the cemetery, eager to see my parents.
“Hey. I’m heading to my ranch in Alabama for the weekend. Thought maybe a change of scenery might do you good. Call me if you’d like to go.” That’s it. Short and to the point. No flirtation in his tone at all. I know Harris all too well. My intuition about him knowing there is something going on between Kaleb and I is spot on. Kaleb told him. I know he did, and I should wring his thick, muscular, corded neck for opening his big mouth, but instead I feel relieved. I’m not in the mood for Harris and his sexual advances. What I am in the mood for is a nice weekend away. Riding horses, which I’ve never done before in my life.
Dialing Mallory, I prepare for the chaos of her excitement. She's exactly whom I need to be around right now, but she's the one person, who can read straight through my emotions. She’ll never ask specifics; she’ll just get that I've had a rough time.
“Did you really wait twenty-four hours to check in with me? Jade Elliott, there'd better be a story about one hot night of sex as an explanation of yourself.”
“Hi Mal, I'm home.” I avoid her interrogation and try to move the conversation along. I’m going to keep everything I’ve been through with Maverick to myself. She’d get caught up in the would-haves and should-haves and drive me insane.
“Tell me you're on your way here now! I’m going to take the next few days off if you are.” Mal may get excited about things and cause me to internally flinch at her energy, but honestly, she’s exactly what I need right now. Girl time will do me wonders after being around so much constant testosterone.
“I'm going to stop by my parents’ house for a few days maybe. But what I really need to do is stand my ass in a hot shower for hours.”
“Your parents?” She knows this is a very awkward situation for me and that I haven’t spoken with them in a while. It’s been nearly two years since Jason's funeral, and I think I've only talked to them twice. I just couldn't handle looking at the loss in my mom's eyes when my heart matched her emotions exactly. I know she was worried I'd turn up the same, but what she doesn't understand is, I was already just like Jason before he died. There's not possibly any way I could become more like the guy I looked up to my entire childhood. He was my hero. He fought for my country and for my freedom.
He would share stories with me he wouldn't share with anyone else. I was his outlet and through all of that, we shared a closeness I've never felt with either of my other three brothers. A part of me died when he died.
“Yes. It’s time. I miss them.” She doesn't continue to question me. If she wants to know any more than that, she doesn’t ask. She knows I can't tell her anything about where I’ve been or what I’ve done. I need quiet time to myself to sort all of this out before I see her.
“And then you're mine!”
“Yep.” My mind slips back to Kaleb with the word mine. The way he said he wanted me to be his and the way he has a way of claiming me every time we're together frustrates me. This trip will do me good.
“Hey. How do you feel about Alabama?”
I ask, quickly pulling my thoughts from everything Kaleb. I can't think about him right now. The need to get my life back on track has to come before him, or any man for that matter.
“Is this a trick question?”
“No. One of the Captains from my team invited me to his ranch for a few days. How does a road trip sound?”
“It sounds damn perfect. I think it's exactly what I need!”