How It Feels to Fly(40)

“Hey, Sam!” he says when he sees me. “I like your apron.”

“Thanks. We all decided to buy something random.”

“That blue brings out your eyes.” He smiles and turns back to his book. “Did you know the Great Smoky Mountains National Park has 244,000 acres in Tennessee and 276,000 acres in North Carolina?”

“Um, no. I did not.” I take a step closer, looking at the pictures of waterfalls and hiking trails with him. Not because I’m interested in the mountains. Because I want to be near him. I feel so much better when he’s around. He makes me feel like before. Like the past seven months never happened and I’m still a whole, happy person.

After this morning, I know I still have a long way to go.

When Dr. Lancaster gathers us by the register to pay, I realize that Zoe’s been sitting in a folding chair, wedged between the door and a humming mint-green refrigerator, this whole time. She has her chin in her hands, elbows on her knees.

“Nice apron, Ballerina Barbie,” she says. Her words lack some of their usual bite.

“Thanks.” I take it off and hand it to the cashier. And then—I don’t know exactly why—I grab a key chain from the closest rack. It says, “I’m part of the Wolfpack!” on one side, with the North Carolina State logo on the other. “This too,” I tell the cashier.

“That’s a dollar extra.”

I place the bills on the counter and toss the key chain to Zoe.

She catches it in one hand. “What’s this for?”

“We all got something. I’ll take it back if you don’t want it.”

She looks at both sides and then says, “Whatever.” But she keeps it.

LORETTA’S IS AN old-school Southern meat-and-three place: you get chicken, roast beef, or catfish, a choice of sides, and a biscuit or cornbread muffin for a set price. I stand in front of the array of options, feeling the fun I had earlier fizzle away. Everything’s cooked in butter. Most of the vegetables have bacon in them. I have no idea what I’m supposed to eat.

I let Jenna go ahead of me. She orders fried chicken, collard greens, green beans, and red-skin potatoes, so I do too. She gets cornbread, but I skip it, even when the woman at the buffet—Loretta herself?—tries to insist. I tell her I’m allergic, and she says, “Oh, sweetie,” like that’s the saddest thing in the world.

I sit down at the table and start peeling the skin off my chicken and separating the bacon out of my greens. I’m dividing a potato into four equal bites when Katie leans in close and whispers, “What do you think Dr. Lancaster’s story is? Do you think she has a family?”

“She doesn’t wear a wedding ring,” Omar says.

“Okay, but do you think she’s divorced, or never got married? Do you think she’s with somebody now?” Katie looks toward the other end of the table, where Dr. Lancaster is talking to Yasmin and Dominic.

“Why are you so interested in Dr. Lancaster’s love life?” Jenna asks.

“It feels weird that she knows so much about us, but we don’t know anything about her,” Katie answers. “Like, does she have kids? How old do you think she is?”

“About my mom’s age?” Omar guesses. “Maybe a little older?”

“I bet she has kids,” Katie says, nodding. “Maybe college age. That’s why she can stay here with us for three weeks.”

“Or she never had kids.” Omar lowers his voice and adds dramatically, “We’re the teenagers she never got to raise. We make the sacrifice worth it.”

“The sacrifice?” Jenna asks, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Omar says, back in his normal voice. “She always wanted kids, but she put her career first, and before she knew it, life had passed her by.”

“Actually, the opposite.” We startle. Dr. Lancaster is now standing behind us, wearing a wry smile. “I had children young, then went back to school. And”—she holds up a hand to stop Katie’s next question—“that’s all I’m going to tell you. Ready to go?”

THAT NIGHT, AFTER we’ve all gone to bed, Zoe gets up and grabs the tote bag she carried into town. “Come on,” she whispers, shaking my shoulder.

I roll over. “What?”

“Come with me.”

“Where?”

My eyes have adjusted to the dark enough that I see her put her finger on her lips. “It’s a secret.”

I roll back over. “No.”

“Yes.” She pulls on my arm. “Trust me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“I’m sorry I said that thing about your butt, okay? So . . . come with me?”

I groan. “Fine.” I wait while she looks down the hall in both directions. I pad behind her on the thick carpet to Dominic and Omar’s door. She knocks.

Dominic answers. “What’s up?”

Zoe holds up her tote bag. “I come bearing gifts.”

“What could you have in there that I want?”

“Just let us in.”

“Hey, Sam.” Dominic opens the door wider. “Omar, make yourself presentable. We’ve got company.”

Omar sits up in bed as Zoe drops her tote bag on the floor. It clanks when it lands, and she says, “Whoops!” Then she leaves again. “BRB.”