Hope's Chance(78)

“It all depends.”

“On what?” She asked.

“On you silly. I don’t want to do this without you. I promised that I wouldn’t leave you again.” I stated.

“I can’t ask you to do that Chance. You have to make your decisions about what is best for you. I want you to be happy and I know how much it hurt you to have to stop playing ball. This is your second chance. You have to take it.” She explained.

“Hope, things are different now. My life is different now. I don’t want to do this without you.” I admitted. “Besides, I will have to live with roommates at a dorm. You are the only roommate that I want Hope. Don’t you get it? You are my future. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” I confessed.

Hope stood up and faced me. “Chance…I can’t talk about this right now. I’m so sorry. I have to get out of here.”

I grabbed her hand and tried to keep her from leaving. Tears ran down her face. I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought she would be excited. Why was she running away?

“Hope please wait. Tell me what is going on. Is it because we will be living apart? Please talk to me baby.” I begged.

“Chance, I can’t do this. I can’t take away your future when I don’t know what I want for mine. I’m so sorry but that also includes us. I love you, but I don’t know if I want this forever. I just don’t know. I am so sorry. I have to leave.” She said as she darted out of door.

I stood there in shock. What was happening? Did she just leave me?

I had just gone from citizen high to citizen low.




Hope

I couldn’t let him blow an opportunity like this. I did what I had to do. I lied.

Chance was everything to me and he was the only future that I wanted, but to see him struggle with a decision like that because of me, made me so angry. He should have said yes, even before speaking to me. The fact that he waited for my decision was wrong. I couldn’t be with him when I knew he would regret that decision forever.

Once he was enrolled and doing well I would tell him the truth. If he still even wanted me.

Suddenly, I realized what I may be giving up. I wanted to run back to him and tell him I was lying, but I couldn’t. I just kept running down the street, running from my reality. I was pushing Chance away, so that he could have a real second chance at a life that should have been his in the first place. Just because he met me didn’t mean he had to pass on it.

I had gotten about three blocks from my house, when I heard a familiar sound. Chances bike pulled up beside me. “Hope, what are you doing?” He demanded an answer.

“Chance please, I can’t get into this with you right now.” I said while trying to avoid his face.

“I know what you are doing Hope. I won’t let you do this to us because you think it is the right thing for me. You are wrong. I know you love me. I know you want this. I know you want our future.” He pleaded.

I wanted to tell him he was right. Running into his arms would have been so much easier. I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that I kept him from something he thought was out of his reach. I had to let him want to try.

“Chance, please. You need to do this. Just accept the offer and see this through. Please.” I begged.

He grabbed me by the arm and forced me to look at him. His hands cupped my face. “There is no f*cking way I am going to let you do this Hope.” He threatened.

“I don’t want what you want anymore.”I said in a low tone. It took everything I had to keep a straight face. I felt like I had just stabbed myself directly in the heart.

“Stop lying!” Chance said as he grabbed both of my arms. “Please don’t do this to me.” He eyes filled with tears and I watched the first ones drop down to his cheek. “You make me want to live again. I don’t want this life if you aren’t in it Hope.”

Just seeing my handsome boyfriend shedding tears because he feared he was losing me made me start sobbing. I put my hands over my face to hide the tears from him. “I just want you to be happy Chance. I want you to have what you always wanted.”

He pulled my hands down. My vision was blurred by the amount of liquid in each of my eyes, but I could see that he was looking directly at me. “Don’t you get it Hope? Don’t you understand? You are what I always wanted. I may not have known it then, but from the first moment I met you, I knew you were important. I know we are young, but there was never a doubt for me. I love you and I want to marry you, and have our own family.”

I shook my head. “School is important Chance. You can play ball again.”

“Dammit Hope! Yes, I was excited about the offer, but none of that is as important as us. I want you to do something. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel the same way. If you can say that to me then I will believe you. I will accept Mark’s offer and throw myself into Virginia Tech. I need to hear you say it though.”

I took a deep breath and looked up at him. His eyes were red and I could tell he was frustrated. I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I wanted to throw caution to the wind and tell him I didn’t want a future, but he could see right through me.

“I can’t Chance.” I looked down at the ground.

He put his hands around my face again. “Stop fighting me Hope. I will always choose you.” He said as he put his lips on top of mine. “I am already enrolled in the community college and have my schedule picked out. I am not throwing away anything that I need in my life. I promise you.”