Hold My Breath(36)

I raise an eyebrow, kinda guessing where this is going.

“Strip clubs,” she says, and my chest shakes once with my laugh. “Every. Single. Time. She has a stack of ones on hand, like, always. Seriously, the next time you see her, I’ll show you her wallet. Ones. Filled with ones.”

“Wow,” I mouth, stretching forward while my fingers grip the edge of the wall. “You…went to these clubs with her?”

Maddy’s head falls to the side and her eyes scowl.

“I’m a big girl, Will. I can go to a strip club if I want to,” she says.

“No, yeah. I get that. And I’m fine with them. Young men need a way to earn their way through college, you know?” I say, doing my best to keep a straight face before Maddy splashes water at me. I splash back a few times, but when it causes her to put more distance between us, I stop.

She looks down into the water, folding her arms along the ropes and lifting her legs up until her toes break through the surface. I smile at them. Even her f*cking toes are cute. The quiet grows a little uncomfortable, and I’m hit with the need to make some kind of move.

“I didn’t really come down here to swim,” I say, lifting my head just enough to peer at her.

She kicks her toes, making tiny splashes in the water.

“I know,” she says out of one side of her mouth. Long seconds pass, and I watch as she chews at her lip. In my mind, I swim the few yards between us, back her into the wall, and tug her hair free from its cap while I taste her lips again. Holly kept calling Maddy a *, but she has no idea.

“I shouldn’t have let it happen…”

“I’m sorry for yesterday…”

We both talk over each other, freezing mid-sentence, our eyes locking just before our lips curve and our smiles reflect one another’s.

“Sorry, you first,” I say.

She shrugs.

“Kinda sounds like we were both saying the same thing,” she says, the right side of her mouth curled into a wry smile. My head falls to the same side as her smile, and I study her, hoping that at any minute she’ll change her mind, say something that’s just a little better than wishing yesterday never happened. She doesn’t, though, so I nod, accepting this place we’ve met at in the middle. I don’t like it, and I won’t be able to live with it. But for five more weeks, I can bare it.

“So you wanna sprint?” I ask, dipping my goggles into the water and sliding them on. Business it is, then.

“Probably should. I can’t be anything but the first girl to the wall again. Makes it kinda hard for your dad to push for you to make the US team when you lose to a girl who literally just got her braces off,” she says.

“She’s not that young,” I laugh.

“No, I’m actually being serious. She told me at the Mills. ‘Let me take out my retainer before we do the next round of shots,’ she said, to which I responded, ‘You have a retainer?’ And then she smiled, all bright-white teeth, tapping her fingertips on the front ones. ‘Just got the braces off a month ago.’”

Maddy’s lips purse and she blinks slowly while I laugh.

“Maybe she had to wear them for a really long time,” I laugh, lifting myself up to sit on the pool’s edge. Maddy does the same, then turns to her side, sliding her goggles up enough that I see her eyes.

“Either way, she’s still a lot younger than me, Will,” she says, letting out a heavy sigh. Her eyes hold onto mine; I see the subtle difference in her expression with each passing second. Her mouth falls flatter, her eyes become sullen. She breathes in deep again, letting it escape in one heavy blow. “And losing to her scared the shit out of me.”

I look down to the place where my hands meet the concrete, then to my feet still in the water. I let my legs circle once, and I think about how impossible it is that I’m even here, that I’m even breathing. Maddy’s my motivator, even though she has no clue. Maybe, just maybe, I can find the old Will deep down inside me somewhere. Maybe I can find the guy who used to motivate her to win—even if it was just by pissing her off.

“Seems like this would be a good time for me to make a bet with you, then,” I say, standing to my feet. I laugh to myself, still not entirely sure about what I’m about to propose. It will buy me more time with Maddy, though, and torture or not, I still want those moments with her outside of competition. I’ve had enough to remember what her friendship feels like now. No going back.

“Your bets have never been anything but trouble for me, Will Hollister,” she says, looking up, keeping her eyes trained on me while she pulls her legs in and stands.

“We’re not eleven, Maddy. I’m not going to dare you to drink vinegar or write LOSER on your forehead in marker. I’m thinking we need a more mature type of motivator,” I say.

“Like?” She looks at me with one eye closed more than the other, her hand on her hip.

I smirk, and mentally thank my wing-woman Holly for giving me such a great idea.

“I give you a full body-length lead, and if I still win, then Friday, you have to take me to the strip club,” I say, trying not to smile too broadly while her eyes narrow under her consideration.

“And if I win?” she asks.

“Then you get to pick the place we go on Friday to celebrate. And I have to pay the bill—no matter what,” I say.