Hidden Monsters (Volkov Bratva #4)(27)

Her heartbeat thundering in her ears, she could do no more than surrender.

With his hands at the back of her thighs, he lifted her, her legs circling his waist, and it felt like he was consuming her. His hand was beneath her skirt, then between her legs, making her gasp against his mouth. His fingers were there, adding pressure, insistent, ready to slip beneath the thin layer of lace. It would have been so easy for him to do so, and Alex was very close to begging him to do just that, but at the mouth of the alley, someone kicked over a can, breaking up the haze they were under. Luka dropped her legs though he stayed close, and for once, that careful mask he wore was gone, replaced with one that looked like need.

He was so close that she could feel his erection through his jeans, and more than the heady kiss they’d just shared, this filled her with something more. She could almost forget what she had done with Snow.

But while there was need in his eyes, there also seemed to be a war raging inside of him. “What do you want from me?” he asked, his accent the thickest she had ever heard. The Russian inflections had drifted away, replaced with the one that she rarely heard. “You want me to f*ck you, is that it?”

She withered beneath his words, the haze of lust dissipating. That wasn’t even close to what she wanted from him…and if that was all he saw, then maybe she had been wrong about him.

She meant to tell him to piss off, to take what little pride she had left and walk away, but she found herself answering his question honestly.

Tapping her finger against his chest before laying her palm flat, she felt the heat of him through his shirt and the strong beat of his heart. “I want to be in there. I want to matter to you the way you matter to me.” He opened his mouth, but she shook her head before he could say anything more. “I want to matter to somebody who doesn’t feel an obligation to love me.”

“Let me take you home, Alex,” he said after a moment’s silence.

That was both the last place and the only place she wanted to be. While she loved the sanctity of her own space, it was still just an empty room.

But it was better than begging him for five minutes of his attention.

Backing away, she folded her arms across her chest, looking away from him. She could still taste him on her lips, the ghost of his fingers on her skin. She didn’t want to let go of that feeling, not yet.

“I can get home on my own.”

“You’re drunk and it’s late. Let’s go.”

All of the fight drained out of her, so instead of arguing, she followed him to his Jeep.

Closing her eyes, she held onto her high for as long as she could, knowing that the moment she came down, she was going to miss it. They stayed closed even after they pulled off and he expertly navigated them back to her place.

It might have only felt like moments to her, but they were already back at her building, but instead of Luka just telling her to get out, he killed the engine and circled around to her side. Without a word, he helped her out, sweeping her off her feet as he carried her through the lobby and into the elevator. She laid her head against his chest, listening to the calming rhythm of his heart.

He let them in with his key, closing the door with his foot as he brought them into her bedroom where he deposited her on the bed.

“Let’s get your shoes off.”

His voice was low for once, lacking any emotion that she could find, but that might have been because everything was slowly starting to turn into a vortex.

Alex didn’t remember if she had stretched her legs out for him, but she did feel his touch as he took them off one at a time. With an arm going around her, he carefully pulled her to her feet as he undressed her, leaving her clothes in the chaos on the floor.

His touch was almost hesitant as he turned her back to face him, his gaze lingering on her body.

Smiling at him almost sadly, she asked, “This is what I’m good for, no?”

“Of course not.”

But she wasn’t listening to him. “A pretty face, but not much more.”

He cupped her face, forcing her to focus on him. “You can’t believe that.” When she tried pulling away, he held tighter. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Does it really matter?”

“Talk to me. Tell me what it is.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until he swiped her tears away with his thumbs. “There’s nothing here for me anymore.”

“I’m here.” His response was immediate and heartfelt.

“I can still leave.”

“And I would bring you back.”

“Even if I was happy somewhere else?”

He swallowed, his eyes drifting over her face. “If I truly believed that, then I would let you go, but you would be leaving because you’re running from something here. Let me make you happy here.”

She laughed without humor, pulling out of his hold. “You can’t fix me, Luka.”

“No, I can’t. Only you can fix yourself, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to make you happy. That’s the only thing I want.”

Climbing back onto the bed, she let his words play through her mind, her face sinking into the soft pillow at the head of her bed.

She reached for him, wondering if he would accept what she was offering, and when he did, she didn’t ruin in by speaking, just held onto him as she closed her eyes, willing the sleep to come.