Her Favorite Duke (The 1797 Club #2)(53)

“You are my future, you great buffoon,” she said.

She covered her face with both hands. Here she had everything she’d ever wanted. Marriage to the man she loved, a home, a room that was perfect, but it was all empty. Empty because she had no idea how to shake Simon awake and force him out of his fog of guilt and self-punishment.

And she feared her time to do so was running out.





Chapter Seventeen





Meg tried to keep her chin up and a smile on her face as she stood in her brother’s home the next day, but as Emma entered the parlor, all the bravery she’d been trying to portray collapsed under its own weight. As her lip began to tremble and her eyes filled with tears, Emma raced across the room to her.

“Oh, dearest, dearest,” Emma cooed, taking her to the settee and waving off the servant who had come to inquire about tea. “There, there.”

Meg buried her head in Emma’s shoulder as great shuddering breaths racked her. “I’m sorry,” she murmured at last, drawing away from her friend’s embrace. “I should not have called when I am in such a state.”

“Because you are in such a state, that is when you must call!” Emma argued. “I want to see you, to help you. You’ve been very brave in these past few weeks. You have earned a good cry and a place to be entirely honest. Now tell me.”

Meg met her eyes. “Oh, Emma, we’ve talked about this before, I know, but I am at such a loss. I have dreamed almost my whole life of marrying Simon. Even when I was engaged to Graham and pretending to plan my life with him, I dreamed of Simon. It was wrong, I know, but utterly true. I have loved him since I was fifteen!”

Emma’s expression softened. “I thought as much, even if you didn’t say the specific words.”

“But he is resistant to anything beyond what we share in his bed,” Meg continued. “I’m sorry to be so blunt, but that is the heart of it.”

Emma’s cheeks had flamed, but she didn’t look offended as she said, “I see. So he makes love to you but will not connect with you outside that realm.”

“And it is utterly confusing,” Meg said, rising to her feet and pacing the parlor restlessly. “When we are together…physically…it is wonderful. I feel all his passion for me, his desire, I feel that he cares. And I always wish, hope that when it’s over he’ll allow the connection to continue.”

“But he pulls away,” Emma said, a frown drawing down her lips.

Meg nodded. “He pulls away physically, but also he throws walls up between us.” She stopped pacing and faced Emma. “I-I know that it is his guilt over the betrayal of Graham that causes some of it. But I’m beginning to wonder if there is…more to it.”

“More?” Emma asked. “What more could it be?”

Now it was Meg who felt heat rushing to her cheeks. She moved to the door and shut it. She leaned against it and said, “The day James found us in the cottage…God, it feels like a lifetime ago…he and Simon were arguing, and he said something. He—he said that the reason he picked Graham for the betrothal to me was that Simon was whoring around London at the time. And he and the Duke of Roseford were, er, sharing women.”

Emma’s eyes bugged wide and her mouth opened and shut a few times. “Oh. My. I-I-oh…”

Meg nodded. “Yes, my response exactly. I’m not even certain how that would work.”

Emma tilted her head to the side. “I suppose one of the men could be taking her while she sucked…you know, it doesn’t matter. It seems like they were talking about something that happened a long time ago. As titillating an idea as it is, what does it have to do with you?”

“What if I’m not enough?” Meg whispered. “What if all his rejection, which he says is because of Graham, is really because he needs me to be more than what I am, than what I could ever be?”

Emma got up and moved to her, catching her hands. “Meg, you are enough. James occasionally makes noises about the trouble Roseford continues to get himself into around Town, but to be truthful, he has never said anything about Simon. If he was once less than prudent with the lovers he chose, if he was doing something wild, the time has passed for that. I don’t believe for a moment that his problem is you not satisfying him. If you didn’t, why would he have pursued you for sex the moment the engagement was announced? If he didn’t want you, he would have waited.”

Meg nodded slowly. “I suppose so. And I suppose when I think of the way he touches me, the way he kisses me, I know he does want me, even if he once desired something far more outrageous than I’m able to provide. But it doesn’t make me feel better, because he still pulls away. He still refuses to have a true marriage or life with me. So what do I do, Emma?”

Emma stared at her a moment and a light came into her face that Meg had never seen before. Normally Emma was sweet, gentle, but there was a warrior fire in her expression as she grabbed Meg’s upper arms and held tight.

“Fight!” Emma said with a little shake to Meg’s shoulders.

“I have been, haven’t I?” Meg whispered, for she had certainly been in many a battle with Simon since that night in the cottage.

“You have. But I know you’ve been going about things indirectly, haven’t you? Being careful with Simon? Being understanding?”