Her Favorite Duke (The 1797 Club #2)(50)

But he didn’t get up. He didn’t abandon her. He simply wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest. She clung to him, tears stinging her eyes, hope swelling in her chest. She was too afraid to speak, lest the spell be broken and so she just lay there, as her eyes got heavier and her breath got deeper until sleep stole her fears.





Simon stared down into Meg’s face, as beautiful when she was relaxed in sleep as it was when she laughed or talked. Now he knew that. Because she was his in every way. And yet, he didn’t feel unfettered joy at that fact. When he looked at her, he saw Graham’s crumpled expression, heard his friend’s harsh voice. He saw the damage he had done.

The feelings washed over him and overwhelmed him. Gently, he set her aside and got up. He stoked the fire and then grabbed for a robe that was draped across the settee near the bed. As he covered himself, he heard her catch her breath.

“What are you doing?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t wanted to have a confrontation with her tonight of all nights. He hadn’t wanted to let her see just how broken he was by what he’d done. But now it felt unavoidable.

“I think it might be best if I slept elsewhere,” he croaked out.

There was a long hesitation and the next time she spoke her voice was strong. “We are married, Simon.”

He took a deep breath and faced her. She was sitting up now, her body covered by the tangled sheets. Her expression was unfiltered though. Pained and full of fear. He hated that he did that to her.

“Yes, I was there,” he whispered, thinking of his happiness in that moment where they were declared man and wife. Where they could never be parted again. Except by his own tangled emotions.

She shook her head. “You tease without any joy in your tone, but you know what I’m saying. You and I are bound now, by the law and in the eyes of everyone in Society. It cannot be undone.”

“What do you want from me, Meg?” he asked, more frustrated with himself and the situation than with her. “You seem to think that now that we’ve said vows, it erases the past. But it doesn’t. Right now Graham is back in London, despising us both. Anyone who attended the party is telling everyone who will listen about the scandal, which means you and I will enter a firestorm that will perhaps leave your reputation in tatters. Am I supposed to smile about that? Pretend that both those things aren’t true, just because I—”

He cut himself off and she pushed to her feet, going to him without a thought for her nakedness in body or in spirit. “Because you what?” she pressed.

He stared at her and swallowed hard. “Because I want you.”

How much more he wanted to say. How he wanted to tell her the rest. That he loved her and had always loved her. That he wanted the chance at a future, but that the idea of it made him despise himself. And that he feared that he would fail her even more than he already had.

She reached for him and he dodged her hand, stepping toward the door to the adjoining chamber.

“Please don’t,” he said softly.

Tears filled her eyes. “Why? Must you be determined to destroy yourself?”

He was silent for what felt like forever and then he said, “I have destroyed everyone else, Margaret. Why shouldn’t I also burn in this fire I created?”

He said nothing else, nor did he wait for her reply. He just turned away because he could no longer hide from her. And what he had to show was nothing short of monstrous.





Chapter Sixteen





Simon stared straight ahead as his mount clopped along the road. Less than forty-eight hours after his wedding, and he, his mother and the Abernathe family were all headed back to London and the uncertainty of what would face them there. Behind him, the carriages rumbled and he did his level best not to look back.

He could have been riding with his wife, but he had elected to travel on his horse instead. He had expected Meg to argue, but her crumpled face and soft acquiescence had been harder to take than if she had asked him flatly to join her.

“Are we going to talk about anything?”

Simon stiffened as James trotted his horse up next to him and fell into step. There was no avoiding this, it seemed. Perhaps it was better to simply deal with it now and have it done with.

“I’m surprised it’s taken you so long to ask me,” Simon said, keeping his eyes on the road rather than dare look at his friend of over a decade.

James shrugged. “I was waiting so that you would have an opportunity to talk to me. Or better yet, her.”

Her. There was no doubt the her James referred to. Simon forced himself to look at James. “I talk to her.”

James rolled his eyes. “Please don’t sport with whatever small level of intelligence I have, Simon. I have eyes and I can see what you’re doing.”

Simon clenched his jaw and tried to keep his tone calm and unbothered. “And what is it you see?”

“You’re avoiding her. Even if I didn’t know you two slept in separate chambers last night, I would be able to see it from the way you act in public.”

Simon flinched. The separate chambers hadn’t actually been his idea. He had waited for his wife to join him last night in the room they’d shared after their wedding. She had never come. At last he had gone to look for her and found her in her own bedroom, asleep, tracks of tears on her cheeks in the firelight.