Good Me Bad Me(35)

‘And then Piggy dies.’

I have lunch with MK in her room today and I notice we both chose the same sandwich, ham and cheese. When we finish, she stands up, clips paper on to one of the easels and says, ‘Feel free to start sketching whenever you like.’

I take the candle out of my bag.

‘This is for you.’

‘Me? Why?’

‘To say thanks for helping me with the girls.’

‘That’s very sweet, Milly, but we’re not allowed to accept presents from pupils unless it’s Christmas.’

‘It’ll be half-term soon, Christmas isn’t too long after that.’

I smile at her, walk over to her desk, put the candle down.

‘It’s vanilla. I tried to find a lavender one, I know you’d have liked that.’

She picks it up, smells it, then puts it back on the desk.

‘It’s lovely, but really I can’t –’

‘It’s fine, it was a silly thing to do. Bin it if you like.’

I walk over to the easel, sit down.

‘Don’t be upset, Milly, it was a lovely thought, but rules are there for a reason.’

The phone on her desk rings, the noise, shrill, at odds with the sombre atmosphere in the room, a welcome intruder. She picks it up.

‘Hello.’

A pause then, ‘Yes, she’s with me. Right now? Okay, I’ll send her down,’ and she replaces the receiver.

‘Mrs Newmont’s in reception.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Not sure, that was Mrs McDowell from the office, you should go and find out though.’

Bad news. Bad enough for Saskia to come to school.

‘About the candle, Milly –’

‘It’s fine, I understand.’

I wouldn’t want a present from me either.

Saskia smiles as I approach her in reception. She wouldn’t smile, would she, if it was something really bad? Something about me?

‘There you are.’

‘Why are you here?’

‘Mike called, asked me to pick you up, he’s on his way home. June’s back from holiday, I think she needs to talk to you about something. Have you got everything?’

I nod.

‘I’ve signed you out, let’s go.’

I follow tight leggings, bony hips, to the car. While I was making her a pot of tea the other night Mike came in for his eye drops. I watched him tilt his head. Squeeze. Drop. Blink. The sequence reminded me of you. You loved to teach me about chemistry, reactions that hurt. The hours you spent trawling the internet, learning. Eye drops for eyes become poison in tea. Taught me too. You didn’t only want a helper, you wanted someone to carry on your work.

When we arrive home Saskia says, ‘I should think they’re already in the study, would you like me to come with you?’

‘No, it’s fine, it’s probably better if it’s just me and Mike.’

‘I understand, I’ll be around if you need me.’

I ignore Rosie jumping at my legs, eager and gooey for company during the day. My shoes echo on the marble, lonely as I walk, my heart pounds. Why is June here? The door to the study is open, I go in. Mike stands, a mistake, too formal, his face tense. Runs his hands through his hair.

‘Hi, Milly,’ says June.

‘What’s going on?’ I ask.

‘Take a seat, we’ll talk everything through.’

‘I don’t want to sit down.’

Mike comes over to me.

‘Sit next to me on the sofa.’

I don’t have a choice, June’s in my chair, the velvet cushion next to her. Mine.

‘Shall I, Mike? Or do you want to?’

‘You start.’

‘Okay. I received a phone call this morning from Simon Watts, one of the lawyers.’

Skinny.

‘There’s a couple of things I need to tell you and I wanted to do it face-to-face and as soon as possible in case the papers get wind of anything. The first thing is that you’ll definitely be cross-examined during the trial. As we expected, the defence want to focus on the most recent events, so the last few days you spent at home with your mother, including Daniel’s death. They want to clarify a few things.’

‘Clarify what?’ I ask.

‘I’m afraid we don’t know. Simon did say it’s likely to be a bit of smoke and mirrors, that the defence are playing the hype game. Sadly, we see these tactics all too often in the run-up to a trial.’

My left eyelid begins to tic, a hidden puppet master pulling on my strings. Reminding me you’re still in charge.

‘Surely we’ll find out before the trial though, June?’ Mike asks.

‘Unless new evidence needs to be submitted, no, it’s unlikely we’ll find out exactly what it is the defence are referring to until we get to it. It could be as simple as Milly clarifying something she saw or heard. Our lawyers are confident nothing new will be brought up at trial.’

But they don’t know you, do they? They don’t know how your mind works. How much you enjoy playing with people.

‘So what exactly will Milly be required to do?’

‘She’ll have to present twice. Once for the prosecution to question her and a second time for the defence. It’s important to remember, Milly, that special measures can be reinstated at any point, it’s not necessary for you to be questioned in the courtroom.’