Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines #2)(24)

“Do you think I’ll ever have kids?” I asked, swallowing hard and looking up into Sienna’s eyes. It was the first time I’d said this out loud. I knew I wasn’t ready now, and I felt so guilty that I was relieved when I’d lost the baby. Our baby. Reed’s baby. But I was also terrified that I’d never get another chance. That this was it for me.

Sienna just squeezed me harder and pulled me into a full hug. “Nolan, of course you will have kids. What happened is something that happens all of the time, to a lot of women,” she was stepping back now, holding my hand a little and looking at me curiously. “Have you talked to anyone? I mean, you know I think you still need to talk to Reed, but you might also want to talk things out with someone else, someone who can help you put what happened behind you.”

I just bit my lip a bit and nodded. I knew she was right, but I also knew I wouldn’t talk to anyone. If I had my way, I’d erase what happened from Sienna and Sarah’s memories, too. And even better, I’d erase it from my own.

I dropped Sienna off at her apartment after lunch and was heading back to my parking lot when I heard my phone beep. Still paranoid about reaching for my phone while I was on the road, I pulled over into a Starbucks and dug through my purse. It was a text from Gavin.



Hey, the dingle twins managed to line up our last three tests today. If you can make it, we should be able to knock everything out and put together the final findings and report – and be done with those jackasses forever! Let me know if you’re in – we’ll meet at the library at 2. –G



The thought of finishing my nightmare psychology project was inviting. I knew it would be a long day, but Reed was going to be gone until late Sunday, so I thought I might as well make the best use out of my time and get the dingle twins out of my way.



I’m in. I’m at Starbucks, want anything?



I waited for a few seconds to see if Gavin had an order. He wrote back quickly.



Chai. Thx.



I grabbed a strong coffee for me, and a chai, and made my way to the library. I probably should have offered to get something for the dingles, too, but I was pretty sure Gavin wasn’t with them yet. He and I both tried to limit our time alone with those two.

I could hear them as soon as I walked into the study room. It was a weekend, so thankfully we were the only group in that part of the library; otherwise, I’m sure those two would get us kicked out. Their real names were Steven and Cory, but I just couldn’t get myself to even think of them as anything other than our nickname for them.

“Hey, what? No love for me, Sugar?” Cory said, reaching his arm around me like we were buds. I just smirked at him, annoyed, and he quickly took his arm from my shoulder. “Sorry, no touching. Got it.”

I handed Gavin his chai and then tossed my backpack to the floor and took a spot at the end of the table. Gavin dove right into work mode, and I was grateful. He assigned Steven and Cory specific jobs—ones even they could handle—and we set up the three rooms for testing. Our subjects arrived within the hour, and we were done with all testing by 4 p.m.

When it came to compiling results, I was the master. I had our main spreadsheet organized within minutes, and Gavin was fetching copies from the printer for us to evaluate as a group.

“I don’t know, these people look like a bunch of dummies,” Cory said, leaning back and plopping his feet up on the table. His attitude must have annoyed Gavin, because he flung his feet back to the floor without even lifting his gaze to look at Cory.

“There are two dummies here, and they aren’t on this spreadsheet,” Gavin said, chewing on his pen cap and refusing to make eye contact with them. His nonchalant insult made me snort-laugh a little.

“Hey, man. That’s not nice,” Cory said, tossing his pen at Gavin who only looked up at him briefly and then went right back to work.

“So Nolan, what’s your deal?” Cory was moving on to me now that he’d worn out his welcome with Gavin.

“Sorry, not sure what you mean,” I said, taking Gavin’s lead and not looking up to engage him.

I felt him shift in his seat and lean forward to put his elbows on his knees. Steven was joining him now, too. “I mean, you’re like totally committed to your boyfriend and shit, right?” He was smirking at me, and I didn’t like it.

“Yes, I’m like totally committed to my boyfriend, and shit,” I said, still not engaging, but becoming more and more pissed off.

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it. Settle down, settle down,” he was chuckling.

“What a cocky *,” I thought.

“I was just thinking…you probably haven’t partied much. Or done anything really college experienced, or nothing.”

“I’m pretty happy. Besides, I don’t have a lot of time to party…when I’m carrying two losers on my academic shoulders,” I said, tapping my pen on their unfinished report pages.

Despite Cory’s inability to launch a sentence, he was right. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction now, but his words did have some truth to them. I noticed Gavin studying me, too, and I could feel the intensity of it without even looking. I just forged on with my work, and the room stayed silent for several minutes. Gavin finally broke it.

“We should give you a college experience,” he said. I snapped my eyes up to meet his, not sure where this was going but pretty sure I didn’t want to experience anything with these three. Gavin must have sensed my fear, because he started chuckling and backtracking a bit.