Game(42)

That meant they were dead. Rightfully so, I guessed. Sometimes life really was about survival. They chased us. They wanted to engage in a fight. Someone had to die.

“I’ll be right back,” Finn said.

Darkness took me again.



~



When I came to again, there was a fire in the fireplace. A blanket on my body. And I was missing most of my clothes. I looked around and saw Finn sitting on the edge of the coffee table. Next to him was a bowl with water in it. And blood.

Blood?

“You’re all cleaned up,” he whispered. “Just a little gash on your forehead. You’re lucky, sweetie. No stitches or broken bones.”

“Okay,” I groaned.

“Does your head hurt at all?”

“No. I’m…” I blinked a few times. “I’m so sorry, Finn.”

“Why, sweetie?”

“Because you were supposed to have a different life. A better life. Not with me. Not like this. I could have gotten you killed tonight. And you saved me.”

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “I’ll always save you, sweetie. No matter what happens.”

Finn pulled away and I knew I had one last chance at it. So I asked. “Can you please just tell me about her?”

Finn shut his eyes for a second and then nodded slowly. “Yeah, sure. I’ll tell you about me and Carrie.”





31.


(Finn)



I told her how I met Carrie. How I had bought her some drinks, took her brother - Cormac - outside, how I fought him, how we laughed, and how the night never ended. And that’s exactly how it felt for me. That the first night we met was some kind of continuous span of time where the night, day, never ended. Like I had found my moment in time to lock right into and stay there.

“When I started making money fighting, it was strange for me. I grew up poor. I ate what I could when I had it. Even when I got popular at fighting, the money wasn’t great. I mean, I had a freaking apartment. That was luxury. Next thing I knew I was getting six figures tossed into my bank account. All the time. Sponsorships. Fights. Everything. And when me and Cormac got together, it was an explosion. He’s such a wild hair and I had the attitude and strength. Carrie had her hands full with both of us. But I loved that woman. I’d get drunk and tell Cormac how bad I wanted to marry her. Even sober, I just knew it was there. It was right. But she didn’t want to get married. She didn’t believe it. She liked the edge of freedom. You know why?”

“Why?” Shayna asked, weakly.

Staring at her was making me feel things I wasn’t sure I should feel. That right feeling I just mentioned? That was creeping in, bad.

“Because to her, the true sense of love was staying. Not being forced to stay by marriage. Because of vows and rings and legal papers. When you’re not married, you’re not bound to anyone. Or anything. You could wake up tomorrow and disappear. So her ultimate showing of love to me was being there. And for me to her, the same.”

I took a breath.

“I bought the land after we came hiking through here. I had the cabin built for her and I to live in. She wanted the woods and freedom. Here it was. All for the taking. She never got to see the cabin though.”

I stood up.

Shayna faintly tried to reach for me.

I closed my eyes.

Am I going there? Am I really going there right now?

“The life I live now makes it hurt worse,” I said.

“Why?” Shayna asked.

“I wasn’t like this. I mean, I was grumpy and an *. That’s just part of my built-in charm. But the violence, guns, intense fights, that’s all a new version of me. So as I live each day f*cking around with a hard death, Carrie… she was taken so sudden and so…”

“How?”

“A f*cking car accident,” I said. My throat started to close. I fought it away. “A car accident. Driving to the cabin to see it for the first time. A deer jumped out in front of another car. The guy swerved and lost control of his car. I guess Carrie tried to swerve away from him. She spun, he hit the ass of the car, and she went spinning until she hit a tree. Just like that. Nobody’s fault, really. No weapons. No bullets. No fists. No mob. Nothing. Just a goddamn random f*cking car accident.”

I hung my head in defeat. It was the hardest thing to talk about. Because it was so simple. She was here, then she wasn’t.

“Oh, Finn…”

“So I had no place to get rid of the anger and pain,” I said. “Cormac lost his edge too because it was his goddamn sister. He raised Carrie. Their parents were long gone before I ever met them. You know? So Cormac was gone, grieving, tearing through bottles of whiskey and women. I needed him. He wasn’t here. And he needed me and I wasn’t there. We broke apart for a long time. And when we got together, we drank, fought, and hated each other. When I started fighting again, it wasn’t good. I was too violent. I didn’t stop for a buzzer or a bell. I got disqualified, fined, suspended, and even sued. One time I got jumped by a group of gambler bookie guys and then broke three ribs because I was supposed to win a fight… and I ended up going beyond the buzzer and got kicked out of the fight. So they lost money on me.

“Then I had the chance to meet Fiore. I apparently f*cked him on a fight too. So he brought me in to kill me. I was dead drunk and I cried my eyes out in front of him. I collapsed and he picked me up. I told him my story and he offered me a job. To be one of his fighters. Where I could do it underground. Where I could get it all out as I wanted to do. No bells or buzzers. There’s death matches, you know. People fight until someone dies. I never got involved there, but, f*ck, that’s heavy. My first fight, Fiore told me to knock the guy out in a minute. He put two hundred grand on me that night. He got a couple other big businessmen to match the bet. I went in and broke the guy’s jaw in three punches. He was out cold before he hit the ground. The place was in silence. That was the start of Finn, the underground fighter.”