From The Ashes (The Ministry of Curiosities #6)(41)

He swallowed hard then stepped aside.

"Let's make one thing clear." I heard the steel in my voice, felt the fervent beat of my blood through my veins. It felt good to square up to him, to show him that I wasn't the same girl who'd fallen blindly in love with him. "What's happened between us is in the past. It's in both our interests not to dwell on it. I know you must have had reasons for sending me away, but…" I closed my eyes so that I didn't have to see his handsome face. "But I'm not ready to hear them. I'm not ready to forgive you."

I opened my eyes and turned away, my heart sore. It felt as if the wound he'd inflicted on it was still fresh, raw. Perhaps it would never heal. It was certainly going to take much longer than a few days.

"Will you ever be?" he asked quietly.

"It's too soon to know." I marched out, and headed to my room without looking back. I ate luncheon in there, seated in the deep armchair by the fire, a book in my lap.

The soft knock on my door roused me some time later. I opened it to a scowling Seth. "I was sent to tell you that you're leaving soon. Gus will pick you up at the front of the house in fifteen minutes. It's raining. Take a coat and umbrella."

"You sound upset." I stepped aside and beckoned him in.

He hesitated, then with a sigh, entered. "I'm not at all happy that you're heading out this afternoon. It's too dangerous. What if you're recognized? I said as much to Fitzroy, but he simply responded with 'I know'. Either he's lost his mind or you coerced him into taking you."

"I didn't coerce him. Will you tell him he's lost his mind or shall I?"

He grunted. "I don't like it."

"So you noted. Are you coming?"

"Apparently I'm not needed. I have to follow up some of Brooks's members."

"You're disappointed."

"I'm bloody annoyed, Charlie. For one thing, you shouldn't be out for all the world to see you. You gave us a week, remember?" He threw his hands in the hair. "I can't believe he's allowing this! After going to all that trouble to send you away to keep you safe, too. He might as well parade you in front of the committee members."

I folded my arms over my chest. "First of all, I'll be careful. Secondly, are you sure that's why he sent me away? To keep me safe? Is that what he told you?"

"Not in so many words, but I'll wager my life savings that it is."

"You don't have any life savings."

"That's beside the point."

I sighed. "Seth, if that was his reason, he wouldn't have fetched me back after discovering I was perfectly all right at the school. He would have turned around and left me there."

His lips puckered in thought. "I see your point."

"I've had time to think about his reasons, and now I believe he saw me as a distraction. Perhaps I simply took up too much of his time, or he couldn't concentrate when I was around. Or perhaps he felt himself changing into a person who couldn't be the ruthless leader he'd always been. Perhaps he didn't like that change."

He sagged against the wall near the doorframe. "You may be right. Yet it still beggars the question, why did he fetch you back if that were the case? If you were a distraction then, aren't you still a distraction now?"

"I don't know. I suppose, except now we are not a couple. We're back to the way we were before everything became complicated."

He huffed out a breath. "Are you? I don't see it that way, Charlie. It's not the same at all."

I merely shrugged. He was right in that Lincoln and I could never return to how we'd been with one another. "You've remained friends with many of your paramours. Do you think Lincoln and I can one day be friends, of sorts?"

He shrugged. "The thing is, my lovers know from the outset that I'm not going to marry them. They understand our arrangement, and most want the same thing I do without the complications of courting. Your situation is entirely different."

I hugged my arms, feeling a little cold despite the warmth of the room.

He kissed the top of my head. "Now get ready. I want you to wear the largest hat you have, preferably with a veil, and something with a high collar."

"Would you like to choose something from my wardrobe yourself?"

"A capital idea."

Fifteen minutes later, I lowered the veil I'd hurriedly sewn to my hat brim. It only fell to my nose but it was dark enough to hide my eye color. I changed into my dark gray dress with the high lace collar that skimmed the underside of my chin. If I angled my face just so, very little of me could be seen.

I met Lincoln in the entrance hall. A hat covered most of his hair so that its length wasn't obvious, and he sported a false black mustache. I pressed my lips together to stifle my laugh.

"This arrived for you earlier." He handed me a letter from Alice.

"Wonderful! I've been worried about her." I tucked it into my reticule to read later.

Gus pulled up in the coach near the steps and Doyle saw us out. He handed Lincoln two umbrellas, one of which Lincoln held over my head and the other over his own. We climbed into the cabin. The space suddenly felt very tight, his knees too close to mine.

"Don't ever grow a mustache," I said as the coach drove off.