From Sanctum with Love (Masters and Mercenaries #10)(103)

“I thought you had a couple.”

“I had three. I had three awful, vicious, competitive brothers. Li is the brother I wish I’d had. And he’s hiding something from me. I trust him more than anyone in the world and he’s lying to me.”

Kori knew how that felt. “About what?”

“I have my suspicions,” Erin said softly. “Do you know what I’m going to do about it?”

With Erin it could involve violence. Lots of violence. “I think you should talk to him.”

“No. I’m not going to talk to him. I’m going to smile and pretend like I don’t know and then I’m going to stay the hell out of it because Liam would never hurt me. Case would never hurt me. Ian Taggart would rather die than hurt me. God, I wish I’d figured that out before my Theo died.” Tears pierced Erin’s eyes, but she held herself with a regal possession. “The men in our lives don’t think we’re soft when they protect us. They think we’re precious. And protecting us can mean more than stopping a bullet. It can mean a lot of things. I look in the mirror the last couple of days and I no longer recognize myself.”

“Erin, you’re still you.” Kori couldn’t imagine how hard this was for Erin to go through. She was still grieving and now she had to deal with a pregnancy. She had to face the reality of being a single mother.

“No, I’m not,” Erin argued. “I’m more now. Do you know what my first thought was when I found out I was pregnant?”

“Probably horror and fear.” It would be her first thought. She was happy Kai had at least protected her in that way. She wouldn’t end up raising a child he didn’t want.

“I thought I should get rid of it. I can’t raise a baby. I didn’t have a mom and my father was a piece of shit. What do I have to give some kid? Theo was the soft one. Don’t argue with me about that. I caught him listening to Taylor Swift more than once. Theo was the one who could love and nurture a kid. Then I thought hell, Alex and Eve probably want another kid. I could do that. I would know the baby had a good home.”

“Erin, I think you need to give this some time before you make a decision like that.” Somehow she knew Erin would change her mind.

“My decision’s made. It was made when I laid awake in bed a couple of nights ago and called this piece of Theo inside me TJ.”

Kori felt her heart clench. “Theo Jr?”

She nodded. “Theodora if it’s a girl. She might hate me for it, but that’s her name. I don’t think so though. I think it’s a boy. When I started calling the baby TJ I realized something. I realized if I was actually going to do this, I have to grow the f*ck up. I have to. I can’t stay here in this place. I’m not talking about this house. This is my home. It’s where he wanted to live so we’ll stay here. I’m talking about me. I can’t be so angry all the time. I can’t rage at people who aren’t even here. I can’t allow monsters to hold me down anymore. My father was a monster. I’m still afraid of him. I’m afraid there’s a part of him in me. It’s the part that sees the worst in everything, the part that hates, the part that thinks the worst will always come because I don’t deserve any better. The part of me that looked at Theo and thought nothing that beautiful could be true. I never really had a mom. She walked out when I was a tiny kid because she couldn’t handle my dad. She left me there, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a good mom. I’ve thought about this a lot. I thought about what I missed out on because she dumped me. I figured it out. Do you know what mothers do, Kori? They slay monsters for their children. Even the ones that live inside them. I’m not your mother, but I know when a person is wrestling with demons. This isn’t just about Kai.”

The tears were right there, but somehow they wouldn’t come out. They sat there behind her eyes, gated and kept inside as though she was hoarding them. “He said he wanted this to be over with so he could end this crap with me.”

“He used those words?”

“He told Case that he was happy to help, but this stuff with Kori had to stop. It made him sick. And then he told Case he couldn’t keep this up. I don’t think he was talking about his dick because he kept that up fine.”

One side of Erin’s mouth tugged up in a wry grin. “That’s good to know. So you’re pissed because he said some words that you might have taken out of context.”

When had Erin become the damn voice of reason? Before the whole pregnancy thing, Erin would have been right there with her, cheering her on and possibly teaching her how to load a gun. “How the hell else am I supposed to interpret those words, Erin? I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I have to face the facts. He needed me in order to get close to Mia. Instead of asking for my help, he chose to deceive me. I guess he thought getting me into bed would make me more pliable or something. He went too far. He made me think he loved me. It doesn’t make sense. Why would they hide this? Why would he do this? Did they know about the fact that Jared might be a serial killer?”

“I suspect so,” Erin admitted.

Another betrayal. If they knew Jared could possibly be a killer, then they’d put everyone at Sanctum in harm’s way. The Doms were supposed to protect them, not use them for an op. “Then they put us in danger. I get that you all want to find this woman, but there was another way. If all they wanted was Mia’s phone, I could have gotten it for them a long time ago. I’ve been with her in training classes. I’ve been at her house. I could have done this.”