From Darkness (Hearts & Arrows Book 3)(88)

The way out was to rationalize. If she could quantify her worry, she would calm down, she knew.

The first panic attack she’d had after Anne died scared her so badly, she’d almost called 911. But by the sixth, she had known how to survive it.

So she started with Rhodes, the one logical piece of the puzzle. There was nothing to control and nothing else to be done. They’d deployed every plan they had. Everything was in motion. They would catch him, or they wouldn’t, and whatever the outcome was, she would have to move forward.

But moving forward was a dream, a mirage, a fantasy. She didn’t know if she would ever heal, didn’t even know how to live a normal life anymore. She didn’t understand how she could participate in a world where Anne was gone and Rhodes was free.

But for the first time since Anne had died, she remembered what it was like to live. Jon had given that to her.

All Jon had done since he came back was try to help, try to be there for her—even when she’d pushed him away. He’d never given up, and she didn’t believe he ever would. But she didn’t know how to let him in or if she could. Not after everything she’d been through. Not after losing Anne. After losing herself.

The cool water dripped down her neck and into the sink as she stared down at the holes in the drain. She pulled in a deep breath, trying to calm her frantic heart, hoping it was only fatigue that had pushed her to the edge. Maybe she’d wake up feeling better with a fresh perspective and a handle on her emotions.

But she didn’t know if it would be enough. Because she might never let go of her past, might never find a way to stitch herself back together to be a part of the world again.



Josie was in the bathroom long enough that Jon almost flagged the waitress to check on her, but she dragged herself back to the table, looking like a rag doll, before he had a chance.

He opened his mouth to speak as soon as she sat down. “Jo—”

She held up a hand. “I know. I’m fine, really. I’m just so tired. I’ll be right as soon as I get some rest.”

He didn’t believe a word but didn’t push her. “You barely ate. Want anything to go?”

She looked like she might vomit and shook her head.

Jon dug the keys out of his pocket and passed them across the table. “Go on and get settled in while I pay our bill.”

“I have cash.” She fumbled for her bag.

“Just go on, and I’ll get this one. You can get the next one.”

She just nodded and slipped out of the booth. The fact that she hadn’t argued worried him more than anything.

He waited in line and paid for their breakfast, trying to figure out what was the matter as he compiled a list of questions for when they got on the road again. But by the time he reached the Jeep, she was already tucked under the blanket, asleep and looking feverish. She didn’t even stir when he started the car.

As they drove through South Dakota, Josie mumbled and shifted in her sleep. Every second of her distress ratcheted his anxiety, and he worried over if it was just Rhodes she was upset about or if there was more to it.

Her legs jerked, jolting his pacing thoughts. He looked over at her when she whimpered and turned his eyes to scan the upcoming exit, looking for a place to stop. He spotted a motel just off the interstate in a tiny town ahead.

“Fuck it,” he mumbled as he took the exit.

When the Jeep came to a stop in front of the office, she cracked her eyes open.

“Are we there?” Her voice was scratchy and dry.

“We stopped early. You need real sleep, Jo.”

She sat up, huffing, and waved him off. “I’m fine.”

His brows dropped with his tone. “No, you’re not. Don’t argue with me, all right? Just this once?”

She looked back at Jon, weary and beaten. “All right. I won’t fight you.”

“It’s a miracle. Stay here, and I’ll get us a room.”

He exited the car and made his way into the small office to find a skinny kid behind the counter in a T-shirt that said, I only sleep with the best, with the name of the hotel underneath it. He smiled a toothy grin, and as Jon approached, he thought it was strange that the entire lobby smelled like roses when there wasn’t a single flower in sight.

“Hello, sir. How are you today?”

“Tired.” Jon leaned on the counter and pulled out his wallet. “I need a room with two double or queen beds.”

He frowned. “I’m sorry, but there’s a family reunion in town this week, and the rooms we have left only have a king and a couch.”

Jon ran a hand over his mouth. Josie wouldn’t be happy about there being only one bed and would probably assume he did it on purpose, but they didn’t have a choice. He’d give her the bed, and he would take the couch.

Anything beat a bucket seat in his Jeep.

“I’ll take it.” He handed over his card.

“Sounds good.”

The kid ran his card and checked him in before giving him the keys, pointing him in the general direction of their room. Jon thanked him and walked back to the car, eyeing Josie, who was leaning against the window with heavy lids.

“Bad news,” he said as he climbed in and started the Jeep. “There’s only one bed.”

“Fuck, are you kidding me?” She groaned and gave him a look.