From Darkness (Hearts & Arrows Book 3)(50)

“You are such a pain in the ass,” she shot. “I’m trying to be nice here since you could have just died, not that I owe your nosy, sneaky, stalker ass anything.”

“That’s a little dramatic, but you’re right in that you don’t owe me anything.”

Jon leaned into her open window, and she moved back to keep space between them, caught off guard by his proximity. He was close enough that she could smell his soap.

“I know you’re mad as hell, and I don’t blame you. I’m just trying to give you a little space, that’s all. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I went to your apartment without your permission. You know I just want to help.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t need your fucking help, Jon. I don’t want it.”

“I know you don’t want it, but I’m worried about you. This is bigger than flashers and hookers.” He glanced back at Renata. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Renata answered.

“I’m not helpless, Jon.”

“I know you’re not, but if you’re right, this guy is dangerous—and not in the petty-crime way. He’s dangerous in the way that could get you killed. I saw that wall, Jo, and as impressed as I am, it scares me to think that you’re mixed up in this without anyone to help you. I’m just looking out for you, and you know if the tables were turned, you’d do the same for me.”

“What makes you think that I would do anything for you after…well, after everything?”

He shrugged, but his eyes were crystal blue, full of truth.

His words were soft, and she felt herself lean closer as he spoke. “Because I know you. You can tell me all day long that you hate me, but you care. I know you do, and I’m gonna prove to you that I’m worth it. If you ever find a way to trust me with your heart again, I promise you, I will take care of it. I swear I will, and I don’t care how long it takes to convince you.”

Josie stared at him for a long moment, swept away by the cyclone in her head, swept away by his eyes and his nearness and his vow.

But she found herself and looked away, fumbling to turn the key and start the car. “I don’t care, Jon. I really don’t. Don’t waste your time or mine because this game is bullshit, and I’m over it.”

“Okay, Josie,” he said with a sad smile. He looked into the backseat. “Be good, Renata.” His eyes locked back on Josie’s for a second. “I’ll see you around.”

She narrowed her eyes in answer.

Renata called out, “I sure hope so.”

He waved as she drove away, and she couldn’t help but look in her rearview mirror. He stood in the street with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, watching her go.

She blinked back her emotions, looking back at the road just in time to not run a stop sign.

“The fucking nerve,” she said under her breath.

“He doesn’t seem all that bad,” Renata said as she looked out the window.

“Well, he is.” Josie realized her knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and she relaxed her hands.

“Men have their way.”

“Yeah, well, his way almost got him shot twice today.”

“Twice?”

“I contemplated popping him myself.”

Renata laughed, the sound gravelly and harsh. “Hopefully not in his pretty parts. That is, if he has any ugly ones.”

“Not really,” Josie grumbled.

“That doesn’t help, does it?”

“Nope.”

Renata caught Josie’s eye in the rearview. “Let me tell you something I’ve learned. When a man cares enough to tell you to your face that he wants you and he’ll fight for you, well, that kind of man is worth listening to.”

Josie wished she could believe it, but she hadn’t come close to forgetting the three years of pain he’d put her through. “I can’t let myself give a shit about what he wants, Renata. For three years, he let me think he didn’t care enough to say goodbye. He left me here without a word to go have a baby with someone else, and I just can’t forgive him for that.”

“Coldhearted, to be sure.”

“Every time I see him, I’m reminded of everything I lost. But it’s like getting shot with rock salt. Burns like a motherfucker, but it won’t kill me.”

Renata busted out laughing again. “I like you, Red.”

Josie smiled back at her. “Sorry I’ve got to take you in.”

“It’s not the first time or the last, I’m certain.”

They rode in silence to the station as Josie chewed on her feelings. She’d told Renata more in a few minutes than she’d willingly given up to anyone since Anne. It felt good, and she was lighter for having vented something off though heavier at the realization it brought. She wasn’t over Jon. She knew it deep down, but to say it out loud was another thing entirely.

She thought back to the time when they’d been together, that golden time that had brought her so much happiness. But there was no going back. Things could never be what they had been. Three years of hurt filled the space since he’d left her, and no amount of charm or honesty could erase what she’d been through.

Josie pulled up at the station and escorted Renata inside, a little sad at turning her in.