From Ashes (From Ashes #1)(92)

“I did.” Her smile was one I’d never seen before and she rolled away so I could see it. It was one badass-looking phoenix, and before I could ask what had made her get that, she rolled back so she was facing me. “I’ll get to that part but not yet. It’ll be explained though.”

“All right, darlin’.”

CASSIDY

THREE AND A half hours later, and I was sitting up on the floor, looking down at Gage, who was propped up on both elbows, staring down at the hardwood floor. I’d just finished telling him my story, every part of it. He’d thrown on his jeans and I’d put on my underwear and my racer-back tank when he had to go out to my car to get the letter from my mom, but other than that, we’d stayed half-naked and in the same spot where we’d had our “welcome home.”

Of course he’d known some things about the beatings from Tyler, but he’d never heard about them from me. I told him about all the different ones that stuck out in my mind, how and what Jeff would reward my mom with right in front of me after they got done almost killing me, and about the times when I’d be able to walk away after they beat me, how I’d still be able to hear their moans filling the house. I told him about how I had to shut off my emotions, what I felt when it was happening, before and after, and how Tyler was my savior during those times.

He flinched, but I still told him everything I felt and thought when I saw him hitting Grant, when he elbowed me, and the flashbacks when he turned to hit me again. I explained how I’d thought that until I was able to be past that, I couldn’t talk to him, because it would just continue to get worse for us. Then I mentioned the fire and what led to Detective Sanders and Detective Green questioning me, which led to the reading of the will, all the money, and the letter from my mom. I’d had to stop for a second and take a few deep breaths before I told him all about Detective Connor Green, and when I say “all,” I do mean all. I told Gage about my feelings for him after he’d shown up that night years ago, the coffee shop this past week, the alleyway, and the hours afterward. Gage read the letter again after I told him about the alleyway with Connor and that was when I told him how I had come to see the beauty in my mother’s actions with the fire and why I’d decided to get the tattoo. I didn’t need to explain why I got a phoenix, since it was in the letter, but I did tell him all about my dad’s ring and the painting that had been on my bedroom wall. Gage was pissed that Connor had kissed me, but his eyes had gone solid when I told him about the hours on the phone and texting in the days following, and going to his house Saturday morning. I didn’t leave a thing out from then either; I told him everything, from the way I felt to taking his tie off for him and watching him take his shirts off. How I kept thinking about leaving to see Gage while Connor was in the shower and, as soon as Connor was back, how the butterflies were back again. What happened when I showed him the tattoo and how he had my legs around his hips and me pressed against the wall in under a second, and how I’d started to kiss him back before I told him to stop.

As I had with the phone calls, texts, and coffeehouse, I told Gage everything we talked about when Connor had me pressed to the wall, including my promise to him. Gage’s hands had curled into fists and his jaw started ticking from the pressure. I wanted to run my fingers down his jaw so he would relax, but seeing as I was the reason he was so pissed off, I just scooted back a few inches and held his flat stare as I continued to tell him how I told Connor not to wait for me and that Gage was it for me, kissing him, and then leaving. I ended with flying back to Texas, going to the town house to find it empty, going to buy my dream car, and stopping to see Jesse and Isabella in hopes of helping them with their financial situation before going to find Gage so I could tell him about how I’d been forced to face my demons, and that I knew what I had to do to overcome them.

Connor, as I’d told Gage, was really attractive and sweet but didn’t hold a candle to Gage. What he had that Gage didn’t was an understanding of my past, and before Connor sat down with me at the coffee shop, I hadn’t known that I needed that. But what I had come to realize was that it wasn’t Connor, and it wasn’t that he’d gone through what I did; it was that I was keeping that part of my life from Gage. I wasn’t giving Gage a chance to understand it and help me with my demons. He would never know what it felt like, but by telling him everything and by baring my soul to him, I could allow him to be there for me and it could only help our relationship improve. And as I’d hoped, as soon as I told him everything, I felt a new connection in our already unbreakable bond that came from my opening up to him about myself. But now he wasn’t speaking, and he wasn’t looking at me. And since the better part of the last hour had been spent talking about Connor, I could only imagine why.

“Phone.”

“What?”

“Phone, Cass, give me your phone.” He turned to look at me and his eyes were still flat.

I nodded and dug through my purse as I held his stare. “I know why you want it, and I’m not going to stop you. But, Gage, I just told you all of this; do you want to talk about it first?”

“No. When I can stop thinking about you and him, I’m gonna come back, and then we’ll talk about it.” He took my phone, stood up, and walked out of the house.

GAGE

I SLID MY finger over the phone, and though I wanted to, I didn’t check the messages. Cassidy had been painfully honest with me, so I knew she hadn’t hidden one damn thing from me. Checking the messages would only be saying I didn’t trust her, and I did. I went to her recent calls, and though I knew she’d been avoiding everyone but this detective, it still felt like a blow to see his name as the top four of her recent calls. Next to each of them was a number. Three, five, two, six. It didn’t take more than a second to add them up. Sixteen. They’d called each other sixteen f*ckin’ times in a matter of two days, which he was working the majority of, and one morning. My stomach churned and I pressed on his name. It only rang twice before he picked up.