From Ashes (From Ashes #1)(87)

In a move so fast I could hardly comprehend it, he turned my body so I was facing him, lifted me so my legs were around his waist, and had my back against the entryway wall, his mouth on mine and moving aggressively. The tip of his tongue lightly traced my bottom lip and I shivered again.

My mouth opened for him, and we both moaned when our tongues touched. My body was at war with itself. I was hating myself and craving Gage but enjoying this strange connection with Connor.

“Connor, stop,” I said breathlessly. One hand was grabbing a fistful of his wet hair, the other had his shirt clenched in it. Forcing both of them to relax their hold, I repeated myself even though he had stopped and currently had his forehead against my collarbone. “Stop.”

Connor was just as breathless from the quick but aggressive kiss. “If this guy doesn’t realize what he has, promise me you’ll come back, Cassidy.”

“What makes you so sure I’d want you too?”

He looked up and grinned mischievously. “One, you think I’m annoyingly attractive and admitted to dreaming about me. Two, you got goose bumps the second I touched you”—his eyes shifted down for a second to look at my arm, then came back to meet mine—“and still have them. And three, even though you fight it when we kiss because of your boyfriend, those high-pitched noises that come out of your throat when our lips meet and the way your body instantly reacts to mine says it all.”

My chest was heaving up and down quickly; I knew he was right and was thoroughly embarrassed and feeling guilty about it. “I think you should put me down.”

“You’re about to walk out of my life, so when you promise that you’ll come back to me if you and Gage don’t work out, I will.”

“I’m nineteen,” I blurted out.

He chuckled. “And I just turned twenty-five. Your point?”

“You’re only twenty-five? But you’re—you’re a detective. I thought you were close to thirty.”

“Do I look thirty?”

“Well, no.” I felt my cheeks redden and I looked to the side. “I just figured you had to be older to be a detective.”

“God, I like that too,” he said softly as he looked at my cheeks.

“Connor.”

His eyes snapped back to mine. “I’ve always known I wanted to be a homicide detective, so right away I started working hard for it. Only been in homicide for six months, and the youngest guy next to me is thirty-four. But regardless, I’ve seen your driver’s license; I know you’re almost twenty. Not that it matters either way; you don’t act your age. You’re mature because of what you had to live through, and if I had to guess, I’d say Gage is a bit older than you too.”

“Twenty-two,” I responded immediately.

“Have you talked to him at all since you left?”

I didn’t respond, because I hadn’t.

“Has Gage tried to call you?”

My head and eyes lifted slightly to look into his. “No.”

He nodded and leaned in so his lips were at my ear. “Cassidy, you’re in love with someone who isn’t here. He hasn’t called, and he hasn’t come looking for you. Not only that, you haven’t tried to call him either, and we’ve been talking nonstop for three days, and first thing this morning you’re in my apartment to show me something extremely important to you. Not Gage’s . . . mine. We have—whatever this is between us, I know you feel it too. So what has to happen and what can I do to convince you to stay here with me, to be with me?”

“I’m sorry, but I have to go back to him. I see how it looks for you, but you don’t understand my past with Gage.”

“Then promise me, Cassidy.”

I waited until he was looking at me again. “I promise if it doesn’t work out with Gage, I’ll come back to you, Connor. But I need to tell you, he’s it for me. So I don’t want you waiting for me to come back, all right? I won’t lie to you, Connor, you mean something to me. I agree we have something, I know that and it’s pointless to act like we don’t. Other than you, Gage is the only guy I’ve ever felt anything like this for, and if he had never entered my life, I wouldn’t be able to walk out your door right now, but he has and he changed me completely. You’ll find someone who changes you too, but it isn’t me.”

“He’s very lucky.” Connor’s eyes roamed my face for a few seconds before speaking again. “I’m guessing you want me to put you down now.”

“I’d appreciate it if you would.”

He took a step away from the wall and set me on my feet. “I do like the tattoo, Cass. I like it a lot. I’m guessing you’ve been thinking a lot since Wednesday?” When I nodded he continued. “And you’re ready to start talking, am I right?”

I smiled. “I bought a plane ticket last night; I leave in four hours. I just had to come and see you first. I wanted to show you.”

“I’m glad you did. Not glad you’re leaving though.”

“You’re an amazing guy, Connor, thank you for everything.” I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“I’d ask if I could take you to the airport, and I will if you want me to, but right now I’m going to be blunt and tell you I’m struggling with what I want and what I know you need. You already know I think you’re beautiful, but you come in wearing this, and that tattoo? Christ, Cassidy. I’ve never seen your smile this bright, and God, it’s sexy. So unless you’re ready for me to kiss you again, it would be best if I didn’t take you.”