Forgiving Lies (Forgiving Lies #1)(87)

No flashes. No memories of Blake’s chilling words as I waited for someone to save me.

I smiled softly to myself and turned the shower on. Getting better all the time.



Kash

“COME ON IN, Ryan.”

I shut the door behind me and took a seat across from Chief. “Good afternoon, sir.”

“How are you holding up?”

I wanted to laugh out loud. I wasn’t. “Uh, I’m getting there.”

He nodded and tapped his pen against a stack of papers as he studied me. “Did your vacation help at all?”

“It gave me time to think, and that’s why I’m here.” Straightening in the chair, I took a deep breath and tried to hold his stare. “I think I should resign.”

The tapping pen stopped immediately. “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t do my job the way I should have. I let my relationship get in the way of what I was supposed to be doing, and because of that, someone got hurt.”

“Your fiancée.”

Ex. “Yes. If I had remained focused on what I was there for, none of that would have happened. We would have most likely caught West long before he could do anything.”

“You know, I spoke with Gates before I told you to take your vacation. He said you were blaming yourself for this, and I’ve got to tell you, I disagree with your assessment of the situation.” I started to argue but he continued. “I spoke with Detective Ryder in Austin, and from what he said, both you and Gates went above and beyond what was asked of you. You were supposed to be there looking for the killer at the bars, and I was told you would go in early and look through all the cameras, checking even the people who paid cash. That’s hours of extra work every week you weren’t asked to do and that weren’t expected of you. Ryder said he didn’t have a clue you were even dating someone, let alone engaged, until the meeting setting up the takedown of Blake West. That doesn’t sound like someone who lost focus on his job.”

“But, Chief—”

“And when I spoke with Gates, he told me about how your fiancée was being stalked by this same guy, and while you were doing your job, you were trying to take care of that without her knowing she was being stalked and without giving away your position. Both Ryder and Gates agree that if it had not been for you, Rachel Masters wouldn’t have been found in time. And Blake West would more than likely be a ghost to us. So I’m sure you can understand why I do not agree with you.”

Why didn’t anyone else understand this? “I let her—”

“Ryan, tell me something.” He waited until I was looking at him again before speaking. “Do you enjoy what you do?”

I sighed. “Of course I do.”

“And you like working in the gang division now?”

“I do.” To be honest, it was perfect.

“Then I’m not letting you quit. I can’t imagine how hard it must be that your fiancée went through that, but you’re being too hard on yourself. You’re good at what you do, I’m proud to have you and Gates working for me. Until you decide you hate it here or you find something better, I’m not going to let you leave.”

I ground my jaw and nodded once.

“Anything else?”

“No, Chief.”

“Then get your ass out of my office. You still have two days of vacation left.”



WHEN I GOT back to the apartment late that night, Mason was being more awkward than usual. I slammed the beer down on the coffee table and glared at him. “Can I help you? You’ve been staring at me for five minutes straight.”

“Did your dad say anything . . . about . . .”

“Jesus, Mase. About Rachel? Did he say anything about Rachel? Yeah, he did. So did Mom, and I know you probably put them up to it. But you have got to let it go; she wanted me gone.” Grabbing my beer again, I stood and headed for my room.

Three and a half months later, and I was worse now than when we’d moved back here. I snapped at everyone, I was in a constant state of being pissed off, and I spent hours each day thinking about everything I wished I could do over again. For the first couple months, I told myself I just had to give her time . . . wait for her to come back to me. But even Mason had stopped saying she would come around. Now he just kept trying to get me to go to her.

I froze and glared at the new addition to my bed for almost an entire minute before setting my beer on the dresser and walking over. I knew what would be in the black velvet box even though I hadn’t given Mason the box too. Picking it up in my left hand, I flipped the top open and snapped it shut again when I saw Rachel’s engagement ring nestled in the satin. Fisting my hand over the box, I put the hand to my mouth and grabbed the picture that had been lying underneath the box.

I don’t remember what had been happening; I don’t think we’d even realized someone had taken the picture. But we were in the girls’ apartment, Rachel was grabbing my shirt like she’d been pulling me toward her, and I had her cheeks cupped in my hands and was kissing her hard. Pain radiated through my body and I had to force my hand not to crumple up the picture.

My breaths came hard and fast through my nose as I turned and stormed back into the living room. “The f*ck is this? Where did you get this?”

Mason leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “Candice sent the picture.”