Forgiving Lies (Forgiving Lies #1)(46)

“Well are you okay, what did he say? Did you tell him?”

“Yeah.” My voice was hoarse and I had to clear my throat a few times. “I did.”

Before I could even attempt to stop them, heavy tears rolled down my cheeks and a sob tore from my chest. Candice caught me just as my legs gave out and awkwardly sat us both down. We clung to each other and cried for what felt like hours. Since my phone call to Candice early in the morning after their plane had gone down, I hadn’t actually told anyone about my parents. Dad had been well-known, so people found out in their own ways, but I’d never repeated those words again. And even Candice and her parents hardly ever brought my parents up. Eli refused to talk about them.

Most people attempt to heal from loss. They grieve and deal with the pain that comes with it, and somehow try to keep moving forward in their lives. I hadn’t done that. I’d felt like I’d died with them in that wreck, and instead of grieving and moving on, I’d shut down and built walls around me to keep the pain out and tried to act like it had never happened. Kash had been so right; he’d pegged me from the beginning. I shielded myself from the pain and in doing that pushed everyone except Candice and her family away. But no matter how hard I tried to push him, he pushed right back . . . and I wasn’t sure yet if I loved or hated him for that. Regardless, I loved that man.

Once our tears had run dry, Candice and I made our way to the kitchen, piled up our plates, and grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry’s each before heading to the couches. Halfway through the movie, she fell asleep, so after getting her to her bed, I set about cleaning everything up and went to take a long shower. As I got ready for bed, I continuously replayed Kash’s words and the sound of his gravelly voice as he sang to me. Each time, the memory of that sound and the heated look in his eyes gave me chills, and each time I think I fell for him a little more.





10

Kash

THE CORNERS OF my lips tilted up at the sound of Rachel’s laugh. I loved it, and though she laughed a lot more now than when I first met her, I didn’t get to hear it near enough.

“Dude, at least tell me you’re hitting that,” the other bartender, Bryce, pleaded as he finished up on a couple drinks.

“What are you talking about?”

“You and your f*cking ridiculous constant smiling whenever she’s here with you.” His head jerked in the direction of the tables and I glanced over at Rach, my eyes narrowing as a guy at one of her tables made a grab for her. “That. That’s what I’m talking about. Y’all say you’re just friends, but she’s always looking over at you . . . and you act like the possessive boyfriend when another guy looks at her. And to be honest, it’s kind of disgusting the way y’all are with each other. So why not just admit you’re sleeping with each other?”

I tore my eyes from the * who was now fully turned in his chair to keep looking at Rachel as she passed by their table again and looked at Bryce. “Because we’re not.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Call whatever you want. She’s the most amazing girl I know, but for now, all she is . . . is my best friend.”

I’m in love with Rachel. There is no doubting that. And while I have a strong sense that she feels something similar, she isn’t ready for anything yet. What happened after our kiss is proof. At first, I wasn’t ready for a relationship since I was keeping too much from her, but that wouldn’t stop me now. I wanted her to be mine; I was just afraid of pushing her again. As much as I hated not being in control of this, I needed to let her make the decisions.

Things had been different since the night I sang to her; something had changed. She was still a bitch and loved throwing her attitude at me, but I didn’t want her any other way. Rachel was easily the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and that was what had originally caught my attention, but her attitude was what hooked me. In an attempt to give her the time she needed, I had gone back to being exactly like I always was with her. As if there had never been a kiss, as if I’d never sung for her and told her what she meant to me. The last couple weeks though, through the bickering and friends-only relationship, there had been a charge between us. Well, more than usual, anyway. It was constant, and it didn’t make things awkward; it was almost as if it just made us both more aware of each other physically at all times. And I’m not gonna lie. I. Fucking. Loved it. The way she gasped softly whenever I would brush against her, how her arms would be covered in goose bumps when I pulled away from kissing the top of her head, and how she always seemed to shift closer to me without even realizing it.

“Kash.”

I focused back on Bryce and realized he was shaking his head at me and had one hand stretched out toward me. “Hand in your man card. Now.”

My expression was deadpan as I grabbed a stein to fill with beer for one of the regulars who had just walked in.

“I’m so serious. Do you even hear yourself? She’s amazing and she’s your best friend? Dude. I just wanted you to admit you were f*cking her, not turn into a chick.”

I threw one of the bar towels at him. “Come talk to me again when you fall in love with someone and stop screwing half of Texas.”

Bryce’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. “You’re in love with Rachel. And you aren’t dating or screwing her?”