Forever Mine: Callaghan Brothers, Book 9(12)
There it was. The fear that she refused to voice aloud for fear that it might come to pass.
After four years, Jack was still every bit as committed to ending his service and returning home for good in one living, breathing piece. But he’d also encountered other men who had been just as committed to do the same. It wasn’t about what he wanted. Conviction was not always enough. The bloodstained terrain that had been his home away from home wasn’t comprised solely of weak-willed men or those with a death wish. He’d seen too many good, strong men die to be na?ve enough to believe that heart was all it took to survive.
Yes, he wanted Kathleen more than he’d ever wanted anything, but hopes and prayers were not guarantees. He didn’t want to take the chance that she would be a widow, or, God forbid, that he would leave her to raise a child on her own, a very real possibility if they consummated their vows. He would die for one night in her arms, but he wasn’t willing to let her suffer a lifetime for the same.
“I’m sorry, Kathleen. This will have to be enough until we can do this properly.”
Her eyes met his and flashed. Jack held his breath. For a moment he thought she was going to pull away and leave him, but then she exhaled heavily. “Aye. You have the right of it. But I don’t have to like it.” The tension in her body eased as she melted against him once again. But it didn’t stop her from wiggling her bottom over his arousal. Jack groaned and stilled her hips with his big hands.
“Kathleen...” he breathed in warning.
She gazed into his eyes. “We will wait for that,” she told him. “But you will give me this, Jack...”
Her hand stroked down his chest and over the prominent bulge between them. She rubbed gently, but she might have fisted him and tugged for the effect it had. Jack knew he should stop her, but the fire in her eyes strongly warned against it. She needed this, just as he did. But he’d be damned if it would be here.
“Come,” he commanded, his voice thick. He stood up quickly, taking her hand and tugging her towards the attached garage.
Twenty minutes later they were miles away, parked at a secluded spot overlooking the valley below. The scenic look-out was where they had watched the sun rise together that day so long ago. Jack turned to Kathleen, but just that fast, she was in his arms, kissing him with the same desperation he felt.
“Kathleen...” he managed, breaking away only long enough to catch his breath.
“Hush,” she commanded. Without breaking eye contact, her hand once again travelled between them, but this time she was not content to remain outside his pants. With a flick of fingers and a tug of his zipper, her exquisite fingers were wrapping around him.
Jack hissed and circled her wrist.
“A compromise,” Kathleen pleaded. “That’s all I’m asking. Please, Jack.”
It was impossible to deny her completely when she looked at him like that, not when his own need for an intimate physical connection was so great. He reclined in the seat, then guided her hand, silently submitting to her request. He sucked in a breath at the feel of her soft fingers curling around him. Her emerald eyes glistened as she began to move against him. Jack’s hands went under her skirt, caressing the length of her shapely, smooth legs. When he reached her apex and found her drenched, he moaned.
“What are you doing to me, woman?”
“Loving you,” she whispered without hesitation. “The only way you’ll let me...”
“Kathleen...”
Chapter Six
September 2015
Pine Ridge
“It’s Karen, sweetie, but close enough.”
Jack’s eyes flicked open. It took him a minute to get his bearings. He wasn’t sitting in the back seat of the old Galaxie with Kathleen; he was in the CICU, recovering from a heart attack and bypass surgery.
But it had felt so real. Kathleen’s voice still echoed his head; her warmth still lingered against his chest.
Or maybe that was just the drugs.
He’d heard that near-death experiences could cause a man’s life to flash before his eyes. It seemed that he was getting the extended director’s cut.
The sturdy nurse peered down at a handheld screen device. “On a scale of one to ten, one being negligible and ten being unbearable, what’s your level of pain?”
Level of pain? They were pumping so many drugs into him as it was, it was a wonder he felt anything at all. But he supposed it was better than suffering unnecessarily. There was a time when he’d thought bearing pain made him a stronger man, but lying there, attached to all of those wires and tubes shoved into places that robbed a man of his dignity, he felt anything but strong. And whatever they were mainlining into him made Kathleen come alive again, at least in his dreams. He closed his eyes for a moment and could have sworn he caught a whiff of that light, floral scent that always clung to her hair and skin.
“Five,” he answered.
“Hmm,” she hummed, neither pleased nor displeased by his answer. Her latex-gloved finger tapped the screen. “We’ll see if we can increase the dosage a bit, make you more comfortable. Are you feeling up to a few visitors? We’ve got a standing room only crowd in the family waiting area.”
No, he didn’t want visitors. What he wanted was to close his eyes and see Kathleen again. To apologize, to tell her he was an idiot, and to not waste one precious second doing anything besides loving her. Then he chastised himself for being a selfish bastard and nodded. His kids—– their kids—– were probably worried sick. Lord knew he’d spent enough time in hospital waiting rooms himself to know what that was like.