Floating Staircase(80)

Something thumped against the framework of the staircase from beneath it. Under the water. Submerged. Trapped, I thought. Trapped. All feeling gone from my body, I approached the uppermost step, standing on the one just below it. The plank covering the top step was splintered and not completely nailed down. It had been pried up in the past.

I lifted the axe over my head. Somewhere—any-where, everywhere—Adam shouted my name. I was distantly aware of my bladder giving out . . . and of warmth that spread from my crotch down my inner thighs.

I brought the axe down. The plank suffered a fatal gash. The dulled blade crashed through the sun-bleached plank, splintering it down the middle. The two halves remained nailed to their respective sides of the frame, a ragged eyelet chasm hollowed in the center. I dropped to my knees and, with my one free hand, pried both halves of the plank from the foundation. I couldn’t feel my fingers, and it was difficult to instruct them what to do. My palm was bleeding again, too. There was blood on everything, everything.

“Travis!”

Rending both sections of plank free from the platform, I tossed them over the side of the staircase and into the water—plink, plink!—and peered into the abyss I’d created. Below, my reflection stared back at me, framed within a rectangle of black water.

Find an anchor.

Gripping the axe handle in both hands, I leaned over the opening and rammed the head of the axe below the surface of the water. I would break this whole goddamn staircase apart if I had to, shred it with my bare hands, my frozen fingers, my bloody palm, anything to save him, anything to save my—

The axe blade struck something and knocked it loose of something else.

Whatever it was, I could feel it thumping along the handle of the axe as it floated and bobbed to the surface of the water. Squinting at the brackish murk of the water, I waited for it to surface. Waited.

And then it did, coming right to the top, right up through the staircase’s hollow frame, and floated near the surface of the black water, framed in that rectangular chasm.

Floating.

My grip on the axe failed, and I let it sink beneath the water. I could not take my eyes from the thing in the water. Numb, frozen, a ruined man lost finally in the doldrums of his own paranoia, I stared at it, and no one could take it away from me by denying what it was . . .

A rib cage.





PART FOUR:

INTO THE DEEP/THE HUMAN ABSTRACT





CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

There are filaments of me that twinkle like sapphire. Calmly, I watch as my dozen-fingered hand smears trails through the ether. I am in a place somewhere far beyond conscious thought. Sitting at the kitchen table of my childhood home, I watch my mother prepare a chicken dish, dressing it with green peas and garlic, humming softly. She does not know I am there—I am a ghost, a shade, a shadow. I have gone willingly to the other side, have exchanged myself for another, have claimed a place at a table of the eternally absent, the eternally damned.

A scatter of feet on the floorboards. Whispers fall like cobwebs. What’s the most horrible thing you’ve ever done?

I am shuffling along a desert highway. Steam rises in visible waves off the roasting blacktop. With each step, tar pulls like taffy and sticks to the soles of my shoes. I wince as I gaze at the horizon. Tufts of unruly weeds sprout in patches down the center of the blacktop. As I approach, I see they are not weeds at all but clumps of hair. There are people below, submerged in the hot tar of the highway, with only their scalps rising like the bulges of humpback whales. It is possible to grip the hair, hot and brittle as it is from the sun, and pull. There is a sense of withdrawal, of surrender, as the sticky pavement yields and the buried corpses, amidst a gurgle of bubbling tar and an acrid methane stench, are liberated from their underground prison.

But they are only ragged scalps, decapitated from just above the eyes, and as each one comes loose, I fall backward at the ease of their surrender and slam down hard on the pavement.

I think, Somewhere there is a great and mysterious sea where people struggle to stay afloat while the magic of the water gradually makes them insane.

I am wandering the desert highway, collecting scalps like gypsy treasure.



My fever broke by the end of the week.

Jodie was in the kitchen cleaning the stove. She seemed surprised to find me standing in the archway. “I was just going to make you soup.”

I went to her and hugged her, kissed the side of her face. Soon my neck was damp from her silent tears.



On a Tuesday, two men in navy-blue coveralls arrived in a truck that said Allegheny Pickup & Removal on its side in bright orange foot-tall letters.

“What’s this?” said the fatter of the two men. “Some sort of secret passageway?”

I watched as they cleared out all of Elijah Dentman’s things—his bookcase, his writing desk, his trunk of toys, his tiny bed. I helped them carry the boxes out and load them into the truck, my personal relief seeming to grow as the room in the basement cleared out.

“Your kid lives down here?” asked the fat man’s partner. When I didn’t answer him, he must have suspected the worst, and both men worked the rest of the hour in deferential silence.

After they’d gone, I spent some time gazing at the hollowed-out room. It felt like I was looking into my own coffin. Jodie briefly appeared beside me. I wondered if she felt like she was staring into her coffin as well. Or maybe she was looking into mine, just as I was. Rubbing my back with one hand, she handed me some hot tea, then felt my forehead to make sure my temperature wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t.