First Debt (Indebted #2)(69)

I could never confide. Not because I’d slept with his brother. Not because I had no words to confess how much I’d unravelled when Jethro drove deep and dangerous inside me. Not because of the traitorous truth—that in the moment when I’d come around his cock, I’d never felt so alive or so dead.

I could never confide, because my emotions for Kes were simple—I liked him. I appreciated his friendship and enjoyed his company. But that wasn’t enough for him. He might have gone out of his way to make me feel welcome because of some warped instruction from Cut, but he genuinely liked having me around.

I wasn’t inexperienced enough not to understand when another was attracted to me. The tingles of awareness when he looked at me made me blush and glance away.

No matter how much I liked him, though, it wasn’t close to what I felt for his brother. Which gave me yet more strength as Kes was the lethal one—to me at least. He had the power to undermine my newfound courage—the snake just waiting to coil around me and asphyxiate me in a hug.

I didn’t think he knew how nervous he made me—how anxious I was of his kindness.

“You sure nothing happened? You’re completely in your head.” Kes nudged my knee again, capturing my attention.

I smiled quickly. “Yes, I’m positive. Nothing’s happened, apart from leaving my old life and entering this new Hawk world.” I hoped the minor zing would stop him from prying.

Jethro said not to tell a soul about what we did.

I intended to obey him.

And I couldn’t do that if Kes kept asking me in his tender voice.

I shifted my knee away from his warm fingers. Sitting cross-legged, I said, “Thanks for the concern, but I’m good. Truly.”

He scowled, not believing me. But he let it go.

We sat in silence for a moment as his eyes fell to my sketches. “They’re really good.”

I stroked the page, thinking how much I’d love to start creating. I missed my studio back home. I never thought I’d admit it, but it was true.

“If you want to start making them, you can place the order for the material and whatever else you need. Bonnie will make sure it gets to you.”

“Bonnie?”

He smiled, showing perfect teeth. “My grandmother. She’s in charge of expenses for the business and family. If you want something, just tell me, and I’ll make sure she orders it.”

My mind raced with thoughts of demanding all types of things. How about a compass or a helicopter to find my way to freedom?

“Do you think she’d give me a one-way ticket out of here?” I laughed softly, knowing I could get away with such a joke around Kes. Jethro—never. But Kes…he understood that my captivity was f*cked up and was pretty open with what he thought about the Debt Inheritance.

Was that a cleverly played ploy or the truth?

“Believe me, if there was a way, I would.”

I froze at his confession.

Awkwardness fell, and I hunted for a different subject before we treaded deeper into forbidden waters.

“Did you need me for something? Is that why you were looking for me?”

My body flushed with panic at the thought of paying another debt so soon. For some reason, I felt at ease, knowing the Hawks meant to keep me for years. Unless they had thousands of debts for me to repay, I had some holiday time between repayments.

Kes looked into the distance, drinking in the view of Hawksridge Hall. No matter how long I resided at this estate, I would never get over the impressive turrets, gleaming windows, or dripping wealth.

“I came as a favour.” He narrowed his eyes. “Jethro is looking for you.”

I blanched. My heart consumed with both happiness and fear.

What did he want? To punish me for what happened between us? Did he hate me so much that he’d blame the incredibleness of what’d happened completely on me?

That wouldn’t be fair.

But nothing about Jethro was fair.

He was certifiably crazy.

But…thawing.

“Do you know what he wanted?” I murmured, flicking the cover of my sketchpad closed.

Kes shook his head, spreading his long legs in front of him. “Nope. Where did you guys end up the night of the fireworks, by the way? You missed the grand finale.”

I fought to keep a natural smile on my lips and not relive the pang of breaking in his office. “Nowhere. He just wanted to make sure I’d behaved while he’d ignored me for two weeks.”

That was another thing I couldn’t tell Kes. The Sacramental Pledge Jethro had made me sign was our secret. Another one. Seems he’s dragging you deeper into his secretive world.

Inch by inch, he was drowning me in his icy existence, making me an accomplice rather than a hostage.

I shifted, sitting higher. Even a week later, I still winced from internal bruising of Jethro’s passion.

“You okay?” Kes caressed my arm in concern. My skin warmed beneath his fingertips, but it was nothing like the sharp sting whenever Jethro touched me.

I patted his hand. “Yes, I’m fine. Thanks.”

Kes was everything I wanted in a man. Warm, dependable, sweet with a kinky side he only showed in messages. If that’s true, of course.

God, it hurt my head trying to figure out these men.

Jethro was everything I never wanted in a man. Temper, complexities, secrets, and a dominating side that terrified. Yet I feel safer with him than I do with Kes. Was that stupid, or was there something instinctual inside that understood more than I did?