Find Me Alastar(89)

Emerson


I sit at the kitchen table and drink my tea. It’s 6am and I have hardly slept. I feel like shit, to be honest. When I got home last night I vented to poor Brielle for an hour over the phone about the Irish Fiasco. Then, after a string of violent strobe lights flashing in my eyes, I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up when Alastar rang me. I haven’t been able to fall back to sleep since. God, I wanted to see him last night. I would have given anything to hear him ask to see me—to give me an explanation—to heal my poor, broken heart. I keep seeing him sitting at the table at the fundraiser so unaffected and so damn freaking gorgeous.

Vanessa comes out of her room in a rush. “Crap, I slept in.”

I frown. “Where are you going at his hour?”

“I’m filling in for a breakfast shift for someone.”

“What time were you supposed to be there?”

She looks at her watch. “Now.”

She rushes around and grabs her bag, taking her phone from her charger and opening the front door in a rush. “See you,” she calls. “Fucking hell!” she yells.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I hear the Irish accent say.

I frown.

“What the heck are you doing?” she snaps. “I nearly tripped over you.”

“I’m sorry. My apologies,” I hear him say as he disappears down the steps.

I stand and rush to the door.

“That weird guy was just asleep on our doorstop.”

“W-who?” I stammer, wide-eyed.

“That Irish knob.” I lean over the stair rail and, sure enough, see Alastar running down the stairs in double time to escape.

What the f*ck?

I take off after him. “Alastar?” I call as I run down the stairs.

He doesn’t stop as he disappears down the staircase.

“Alastar!” I call again. He keeps going and I run faster down the stairs. What the hell was he doing here?

I hear the front door open and I run down the bottom two flights and burst out into the cool morning air after him. The sun is just rising and it’s freezing with morning dew blanketing the streets. I look up and down the street and see him walking away, still in his suit from last night. Fog is steaming in front of his mouth as he breathes.

“Alastar!” I call. “Stop… Please, stop.”

He freezes and stays facing away from me, his hands in his pockets and his head bowed.

I run up behind him on the street. “What are you doing?” I call.

He turns to face me, but he doesn’t say anything.

I stop and put my hands onto my hips as I try to catch my breath. Holy shit, I am so unfit. I pant like I am about to have a heart attack.

My eyes search his. “You slept outside my apartment?”

He nods once.

I frown. “Why?”

He hesitates and swallows the lump in his throat. “Because… I miss you.”





Chapter 18





I stare at him as my brain misfires.

His eyes hold mine as he steps towards me.

“I said I miss you, Em.” He hesitates. “Did you hear me?”

I have imagined this exact moment every night for eight weeks. I’ve dreamt that he came to me and professed missing me. We would kiss and I would say it’s okay and everything would be as it should be. But now he is here doing it… I feel nothing but rage.

“How big of you,” I sneer.

His face falls.

I shake my head in disgust. “Go home, Alastar.”

“I don’t want to. I want to see you.” He whispers.

“Yeah, well, you’ve seen me.” I hold out my hands sarcastically. “Go home, because I don’t want to see you.”

“Emmaline.” He goes to grab my hand and I snatch it away from his grip.

“Don’t you dare Emmaline me!” His face falls. “I think… I made a mistake.” My furious eyes hold his. He thinks he made a mistake. Who the heck does this guy think he is?

“You made a mistake, alright.”

“Please don’t be angry at me,” he whispers. “This is a complicated relationship.”

That’s it. I turn on him like I’m the devil himself. “How f*cking dare you?”

He steps back in surprise.

“The last time I saw you, I was crying like a baby at your house, begging for you to talk to me about this and—”

He cuts me off. “It was a terrible day. Don’t bring that up.”

My eyes bulge from their sockets. “Don’t bring it up!” I scream. “Don’t bring it up?” I turn to walk away. No. I need to say this. I turn around and poke him hard in the chest. “You. Left. Me. Heartbroken in your house without a care in the world about my feelings. I will never forgive you for that as long as I live. I have never been so humiliated, and I can’t believe I lowered myself to beg you to love me. This is not a complicated relationship, Alastar.” I shake my head as my adrenaline starts to pump. “It is plain and simple what happened to us.”

“And what’s that?” he snaps as his anger starts to boil.

“One of us fell in love. One of us didn’t.”

“Don’t give me that shit. You know damn well that I have feelings for you,” he yells.