Find Me Alastar(49)

He stays silent, allowing me to visually drink him in, as if knowing how badly I need to do this.

I am inexperienced, and maybe God has sent him to me to fulfill my every fantasy before I have to let him go.

I gently dust the back of my fingers though the hair on his lower stomach before I bend and slowly kiss him there.

I know this is casual sex… I know it. I asked for it. But why does this feel so special and intimate?

He stands eerily still in the muted light of my room, and I slowly take off his jeans and jocks. My breath catches as my eyes drop down between his legs. His cock is broad and long and I can see every vein down its engorged length.

Dear, God, he’s beautiful.

I bend and kiss him gently. I don’t feel arousal, I feel affection… and it terrifies me.

Stop it. This is casual.

I run my fingers through his dark pubic hair and he inhales loudly. I kiss him gently again and his hand tenderly brushes my hair back from my forehead as he watches me.

“What is it?” he whispers.

I shake my head unable to articulate my thoughts. “You are just…” I shake my head.

“Just what?”

“So perfect,” I whisper in awe.

As if sensing my fragility, he bends and kisses me. His large hands hold my face and he pulls me to my feet to slowly begin undressing me.

“Lie down, sweetheart.”

I lie down and he gently lies down next to me, pulling the blankets over us. He kisses me carefully as his hands roam up and down my body.

Stop it, I remind myself as my heart starts to freefall. At this moment in time I feel like I may literally die if he wasn’t here with me tonight.

“Alastar,” I breathe. I’m overwhelmed, why do I feel like this? My hands hold his face as he kisses me.

“I know,” he whispers as his forehead rests on mine.

We lay together, the two of us enjoying each other’s bodies, when he rises above me. My legs are touching the mattress, and his fingers gently slide in and out of my body as he prepares me for his size. My eyes close as he positions himself and slides home in one graceful thrust.

I cling to him. He clings to me. And as Alastar makes beautiful, tender love to me, I come to the frightening realization.

When this ends…

It’s going to hurt.





Chapter 10





The twisted ball in my gut is disturbing, heavy, and it’s riddled with guilt.

I have openly flirted and led Mark on for twelve months and now I’m finally here in the same country as him, I don’t want any part of it. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t do it for me. Although, I am wondering if I hadn’t met my Irish dreamboat, would things be different?

I pick up my wallet and my lip gloss, placing them in my bag before I sit on the bed and stare at the phone in my hand. Alastar and I have seen each other every night since we made our pact to be casual, and when he has got up to leave in the middle of the night, I have asked him not to go… and to my surprise, he has stayed with me.

I’m not sure how casual this is, but I am going out with Mark tonight for dinner to explain that I don’t want anything with him. His obvious flirting is cringe worthy and I need it to stop.

“Knock, knock.”

Oh no. They let him in and Mark has headed straight to my room. He was supposed to call me so I could come down when he got here. If he tries to kiss me, I’m going to have to tell him how I really feel before we even get to the restaurant. I tentatively open the door and he smiles warmly.

“Hello, Emerson.” He seems nervous.

My stomach drops with guilt. “Hello.” I smile and quickly pick up my coat and bag, hoping we can go immediately.

“I have bad news.”

“You do?” Oh, please tell me you don’t like me and save me the job of telling you.

“My parents are here.”

“Huh?” I frown.

“They are in the car downstairs.”

“What?” I frown. Is this a set up? I’m breaking up our impending relationship with you tonight, stupid. I don’t want your parents to see it.

“They called and are going home early tomorrow and asked if we could do dinner. I thought it wouldn’t hurt for them to come and meet you.”

“Huh.” I fake a smile. This is getting worse, now I’m meeting the parents and breaking up on the same night. “Great.” I push out. “Can’t wait.”

We get to the car and his father is sitting in the front, so Mark opens the back door for me to climb in the back next to his mother. “Hello.” I smile awkwardly as I fall into the seat.

“Oh, hello, Emerson.” His mother smiles warmly. “My name is Eleanor”

I can’t help but smile. She is a large lady wearing a floral daggy dress with stockings. “Hello.”

I smile nervously. She gestures to the front seat. “This is my husband Albert, but please, call him Bert.”

“Hello, Emerson.” His father turns in his seat to shake my hand. Oh no, his parents are sweet country people.

Why am I such a frigging bitch?

His mother grabs my hand and holds it in hers. “We have heard all about you, dear, I just couldn’t go home without meeting you.”

I fake a smile.

“Mother.” Mark shakes his head in the rearview mirror at her. “Don’t scare her off.”