Fighting Shadows (On the Ropes #2)(40)

I took another step to close the distance between us. “Or is this about you being in a wheelchair? Because I have never known you without it. I. Don’t. Care. If you never walk again. Your legs are not the part I fell in love with.” With one last step, I finally reached him. “Or is this because I’m sixteen? I’m sorry you thought I was older, but I don’t see for one second how that changes what we have together. If you had never found out how old I was, this wouldn’t even be an issue. You aren’t pissed because I’m some immature little girl. You’re pissed about a number.”





There were a million different reasons why I was mad, the biggest one being how deceived I felt. Not just about her age, but about the future I hoped we could start making together. I wanted things from Ash.

A lot of things.

I might have only been nineteen, but my situation was truly unique. My age did not represent the point I was at in life. I wasn’t a normal college kid who went out drinking and partying on Friday nights. Rather, I wanted to stay at home and lie on the couch, reading a book—or, actually, lie in the weeds with her.

There was a reason I was fast-tracking college. I wanted to be done with it. I loved school, but the big picture at the end was what motivated me. I didn’t want to be a teenager anymore. I wanted my life to start. One where I had a house and a wife of my own. Maybe, in a few years, toss in a kid.

Basically, I wanted exactly what Till had.

A family.

It was sad. I would have figured that walking again would have been my main priority. It wasn’t though. Having somewhere I truly belonged was.

For a brief moment, I’d had high hopes that that was with Ash Mabie. Hopes that had all come crashing down with one little number.

Sixteen-year-olds didn’t settle down.

I’d always been mature for my age because of the way I had grown up, but who I was at nineteen was completely different than who I had been just three years earlier. I had already been in love with Eliza back then, but girls were still girls, and I had gone through them faster than I had condoms. There were always stupid fights and drama, breakups followed by tears and false confessions of love. Girls were freaking crazy when they were young, but that was part of the game—one I’d played hard for several years in high school.

A game I never wanted to play again.

In my perfect world, Ash and I would have dated for six or so months. Fallen irrevocably in love. I would have asked her to move in. We would have lived together for another six or so months, and then I would have proposed. Six months later, she would have been walking down the aisle in a white dress. And one year later, I would have taken my very first step as I was handed my college diploma while my pregnant wife was beaming with pride from the audience.

That was my game.

Two and a half years and I’d be done trying to make a life and ready to start living it.

It had seemed impossible after I’d been shot, and there was that little issue that I hadn’t been able to move past Eliza. But the moment Ash had barged her way into my life, it suddenly hadn’t seemed so hard anymore.

Sitting around while waiting for Ash to grow up and praying that she didn’t up and leave me during those crazy years of adolescent self-discovery was definitely not part of my plan. It actually scared the shit out of me.

I’d already fallen for one unattainable woman.

I couldn’t make it two.

Not even for Ash.

“I’m still your girlfriend. Nothing has changed!” she cried, attempting to take my hand.

I snatched it out of her reach. “You’re not my girlfriend,” I announced. She was so much more—which was exactly why I’d never be able to keep her.

“What?” she whimpered in a broken voice that absolutely gutted me.

I needed her to go.

I needed to be alone.

I needed her to crawl into my lap and tell me that she’d never leave and she’d love me forever.

“This thing . . . whatever the hell it was, is bullshit. I just brought you here today to make Eliza jealous.” The lie burned my lungs.

With that one childish statement, it became blatantly obvious that I wasn’t the mature one of the two of us. But I needed her out of my life before I begged her to stay.

“You’re lying. You didn’t even know about this party until today.”

“Yes, and you’ve served your purpose. You can leave.”

“You are so full of shit, Flint. I’m not leaving until you tell me the truth about what the hell is going on.”

“I don’t want you!” I yelled, and her whole body tensed at my outburst. Or maybe it had been the words. I couldn’t tell. “That’s your truth, Ash. You’re a criminal whose only future is behind bars. You happen to have a nice set of tits, so I was hoping you’d put out, but children aren’t exactly my thing. So now that Eliza has seen us together, I’m gonna need you to get the f*ck out of my life.”

Her eyes went wide, giving her away, but a fake smile stretched her mouth, attempting to cover the pain I had just inflicted. I hated that f*cking smile. It was all wrong and I wanted to erase it from existence. And the sooner she got away from me, the sooner I could do just that.

She didn’t budge, and neither did her smile, but her chest heaved as she desperately tried to hold it together.